East Jerusalem, Armenian Quarter, Israel, February 4th.
I’m typing these first words in an Armenian restaurant in the Armenian Quarter in Jerusalem. Perhaps for the first time I’m completely by myself, not visiting someone or one my way of visiting someone.
Everything feels ancient. This is the city that is considered holy by the three biggest religion in the world. This is the city where once an enlightened master was tortured to death by nailing him on a cross because he refused to betray himself.
During the day I did not feel so connected to the place. It was loud and crowded, Arabic vendors were aggressive and hostels and food was expensive. I wanted to leave immediately. But now, after my dinner, I feel that I’m in the right place.
What I’m learning is exactly what Miles said in the “Dear Friend” video that we recorded: “no need to rush, no time to waste”. I have been on the road for two weeks now and my mission is coming into form. Until a little while ago my “Quest for the 21st Century Warrior” only existed in my mind and heart. Now it is being materialized and things develop differently then I thought (read: feared). I was afraid to be rejected and ignored but it turns out that I can’t follow up on all the leads I get. I also feared (and hoped) that the number of visitors to my website would skyrocket because my friend and WordPress wizard Richard van den Winkel connected my mailing list (with 1,600+ connections) to my blog. I was shit scared because now literally EVERYBODY I knew could see me stumble. It felt so vulnerable and exposed. But it turns out that only 30% – 40% percent actually opens the email and only 40 people read one of more posts. That feels humbling (I’m not that special), disappointing (the majority of the people I know doesn’t care too much about rising our level of consciousness) and a relieving (I’m less exposed than I feared).
I did an interview with Ohad Echrazi. Beautiful human being, very clear. We tried to meet before but his schedule is very busy. Coincidently I ran into him unexpectedly and he made time for me. I learned many things during that interview. One thing was that talking to somebody who clearly is more realized than me makes me feel insecure. The other thing was that just the interview alone, without the opportunity to study, practice or work with the person, left me with a feeling of shallowness. Spending 2 hours together is not enough for me to be able to get a good taste of his medicine. I feel I should write a portrait of him but I fear I will do him short.
I feel I need to go to a different level of trust. I can’t chase every inspiring dude like a madman, stealing an hour of his time and then rush off to the next. That means that I have to trust that it will do me and my mission good if I sometimes let opportunities go. This is very interesting ground because I feel it is the fine line between intuition and impulsiveness. Impulsiveness is exhausting, intuition is guiding and healing.
Resuming: to get a good taste of the medicine of the warrior of my choice I need to spend some time with him or her. Mutual resonance is beneficial, a very busy person who doesn’t resonate with my mission is not too eager to spend time with me. I need to trust, I need to take care of myself, I need to give myself some time and space to settle and time to digest. I realize that for this last paragraph I could have used the metaphor of a meal: don’t eat with somebody who is not on your wavelength, don’t chew your precious food away mindlessly, take time to prepare, taste, smell and chew. Take it slow. Enjoy.