I’m scared.

Scared of how my legs will feel.

My feet and legs will cramp and go numb.

I’m scared of how my “mind” will act. It’s like letting a horse out in a field. Where will it go? What will it do? Will it get bored and start gnawing on a tree? The endless speculation is more interesting than knowing.

I’m scared of silence. Scared of making friends with myself. If I ignore it, it will go away, right?

I don’t want to slow down. I want to experience life as from the window of a car going 75 miles per hour and the people and scenery of my life whizzing by without any real engagement on my part.

I don’t want to participate in my life; I want to let it happen to me. I find it easier to be aloof and detached. When I am aloof and detached, I don’t have to take responsibility for me.

So yes, it comes down to me. To stay on the “me” plan I need that distance, that gap between me and you, between me and life, between a richness and fullness of life and the fuzzy drizzle of “me”.

Posted up by: Greg Eckard.

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Jim Sindt is a daily practicioner and student of Shambala.  He sits with a group in Park City Utah on Monday nights.  He lives in Peoa Utah with his wife Jayanne and three dogs.