Risks in Love, Juicy Springtime & Intelligent Chaos.

Via Katarina Silva
on Feb 7, 2012
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When our old ways of living no longer nourish our heart, we can do one of two things: either remain love-starved, or change the way we live. Chaos is often the prelude to great transformations. 

Spring by Katarina Silva

They say nature mercilessly injects desire into the spring season, and plays with our hearts like a cat bats around a defenseless, little field mouse before devouring it. Walk with me through the flowery meadows, if you dare. How could you resist their fragrance? But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

This is the most dangerous time of the year. When the yearnings in human hearts reach their peak, and the whole world is wooing us to make love to it.

My incurably romantic heart is way too easily enchanted by springtime! The hot pink azaleas around my home are beginning to blossom. Their bright colors and the first wisps of warm air caressing my face arouse amorous feelings in me.

Barefoot strolls through the meadows fill my head with dreams of picnics, stretching out on soft blankets, blue skies above and juicy finger foods spread out before me; the kinds you slowly slip into a lover’s mouth. But today I walked alone with my fantasies to the mocking mating calls of feathered friends, my love unquenched.

Spring is the time of year every landscape is colorfully painted with the broad brush of temptation.

We are instinctively called to indulge in beauty, in luxurious vistas, in fruits that drip with nectar and rising temperatures that invite us to peel off those heavy layers of winter clothing, and let soft clouds of bright yellow pollen decorate our bare skin. Inhaling the mischief of this most fertile of all seasons, we long to run naked under the sun, and become little instruments in Cupid’s orchestra.

Ah! Love! It never really happens to us the way we think it will. The way we imagined it when we were little, and dreamed up all those pretty, sparkly pictures about what it would be like to fall in love. When one grows up, and understands that there is no perfect, fairy-tale-sequence of events or outcomes scheduled for our heart, one sadly realizes that finding a compatible, loving partner in this world can be one of the most challenging tasks our heart will ever meet. In fact, it’s often brutal. And most likely accompanied by a series of losses and disappointments that end up being much longer than a pigeon’s libido! (Yes, pigeons can go at it all day long!).

Heartache by Katarina Silva

So, for many longing hearts, the spring season -in which nature becomes gluttonous for coupling- only accentuates aloneness.  

And the desire to satisfy amorous hunger can burn so intensely that it annihilates all reason, as it dictates to some that death would be better than living a love-less life. It’s no wonder that suicides peak during the spring! Who would have thought? And even more so on full moons, like tonight.

Yes, this lovely spring season more people on our planet will tragically take their own lives than at any other time of year. For, spring is the season when longing hearts put an end to their own beating at a rate of more than one per every forty seconds! Yikes! This is a painful testament to all the hungry hearts in the world. Sometimes it almost feels like an epidemic. So many people are hungry for love.

Throughout history, in times of famine, regard for all laws jumps out the window so that people can be fed. Values shift and priorities are reorganized. An unshakable will to survive forces one to seek out food in places it never considered before: hidden places, unlikely places, even forbidden places. People will do anything to eat.

The heart will act in similar ways when deprived. Its hunger for love will turn us into passionate rebels, creative iconoclasts, and conscious breakers of any boundaries we perceive as standing in the way of love. When the heart hungers, social structures become inconsequential and cultural mores obsolete. For our reckless heart tells us that nothing is worth preserving unless it satisfies love’s appetite. And the reckless path it treads runs from death to infidelity: another kind of death.

Blossom by Katarina Silva

Because the universe arranged for destruction and creation to flow in cycles, we unconsciously kill parts of ourselves, so that the other more essential parts can live.

Sometimes we create chaos, as impetus to connect with deeper calm.

Sometimes rebel hearts will deconstruct rigid conventions, to explore what potential for growth exists outside their perimeters.

The amorous anarchy that erupts in the spring reflects the rising infidelity rates that also explode this season.

In light of the achy-hearted suicide victims, some might interpret the infidelities as a move toward self-preservation, instead of annihilation. It’s ironic, really, as infidelity is always accessorized with chaos. But maybe our heart needs to create chaos before it can be nourished, just like the kill of a hungry predator before the feed. There will be pain and blood, no doubt. But sometimes these things remind us that life is too short for compromises. So we sink our teeth in, and rip at our own being. We secretly want to get torn apart, so that we may blossom.

 Yes, we want things to get messy, so we can discover alternative realities of who we are and what we can create in love.

We want to break the safety of everything we once knew as love, to open ourselves up to everything love has yet to reveal to us. Most often than not this means taking a chance. Allowing our self to be seduced by high-stake risks. So what does it mean when we flirt with risky behavior in love? That we are deviants in need of remorse, out to break social fabrics without regard for anyone else but ourselves? Or that we are responding to a greater call for reform, for revolution, for new ways of living and loving that begin with breaking a mold?

Breaking molds is risky. Risks are connected to primal forces of creation and destruction, in which life values are inevitably weighed.

Risks beg the question: What is most important to me in life? What can I not live without? At a subconscious level, when we risk losing something, (a relationship, financial security, reputation, social status, etc) it is because we either feel it is already lost to us, or we want to understand how important it is to our existence, in relation to what we are risking it for. Love tips the scale every time.

When we find love in ‘forbidden’ places, as with infidelity, it challenges our very existence in relation to our significant other, in relation to our lover and in relation to our views of love. Perhaps we have forbidden ourselves from feeling deserving of love? Perhaps we feel love only exists in places that are off limits to us? Hungry hearts explore such forbidden territory to find answers.

When we are indecisive over where our highest value lies, we unconsciously create chaos in our lives in order to find it. Sometimes it takes the risk of infidelity to find oneself and feed one’s heart. And the springtime is the season most of us are doing this searching.

The Dance by Katarina Silva

Spring is wild and untamed. Everything in nature seems to be frolicking frivolously or fighting ferociously.

Animals will battle until death for the most desirable mates, as human hearts wrestle to find theirs. The battle is in the chaos. The chaos we create in our lives is our own subconscious mind tugging the rug out from under us, so we will be forced to assume new footing in how we approach life.

When our old way of living no longer nourishes our hearts, we can do one of two things: either remain love-starved, or change the way we live. Change? Oh no! Chaos is often the prelude to great transformations.

Chaos forces us to change our life in all the ways that terrify us most. When the enormity of the changes we know we need to make, scare us into paralysis, it’s often through creating chaos for ourselves that we are pushed into action. Its dynamic energy reconnects us with feeling alive again, like a field of blossoming flowers, or a rainbow: nature’s calls into life.

Action is synonymous with life. Springtime explodes with action unlike any other season.

Spring is fertile with the ever-changing movements of life. The choreography never stops, and excitedly beckons our participation. Life is never stagnant. Neither is love. If it’s not growing, it’s shrinking. Everything grows in the spring! It’s natural that this growth entices us. If we find our hearts flirting back with the amorous energy that impregnates the spring season, we may be ready to take that risk. We may be hungrier for love than we realize.

Prophetic Rays by Katarina Silva

 The one most pronounced driving force behind all risks is love.

Human hearts are permanently programmed to risk anything for love. We cannot live without love! The flow of giving and receiving love is so intrinsic to our very nature, that when it is obstructed we sometimes feel as if we will die. In this context infidelity is all about existentialism. It’s a path that inevitably forces us to examine our lives, our values, and the contents of our hearts. And most people don’t realize they are on it, until the chaos erupts all around them. But remember, there is intelligence in this chaos, for it points us in the direction of our own achy heart.

So, if you find yourself feeling alone this spring, as Valentine’s Day approaches (in or outside of a relationship), and you feel as if the longings in your heart are about to devour you, just tune into the natural chaos of the season, and see where it takes you.

You might just find that in the apparently random flight-patterns of honeybees, the wild mating dances of birds, and the savage pulsating of your own heart, there is a hidden, cosmic intelligence that screams:

“Live for Love!”

Because if you don’t it may just mean the slow extermination of our species. At least, this is what the spring season would like us to believe! Tread cautiously, my friend. Or not. But whatever you do, never let your heart starve.



In no way does this article attempt to undermine the unmatched value in honest, intimate partnering within a committed relationship. Mutually devoting such energy into a romantic, or spousal relationship nourishes the love between the two parties, continuously cultivating the healthy practice of conscious communications, thereby reducing the risk for such chaos to erupt in the form of infidelity, which has its costs. Love thrives in relationships that engage a person’s whole being: emotional, physical, psychological, sexual and spiritual. If you are feeling deprived in one of these areas in your relationship, opening up to your partner about it will set you on the less painful track toward determining if the relationship can become a lasting one. If not, an open, mutually agreed upon, graceful dissolution is always less hurtful than having a relationship end because of infidelity. But for those of you already experiencing the chaos that comes with infidelity, I hope my article can help you make greater sense of it. ~Thank you to Harleigh Quinn for bringing my attention to responsible publishing~



About Katarina Silva

Katarina Silva is an artistic self-expressionist who thrives on the spontaneous thrill of creating photographic images in ten seconds, and inevitably employs witchcraft to do so. Her autobiographical art reflects her emotions and dreams, and is characterized by the mysterious absence of her complete face. She lives unafraid of darkness, wrapped in nature, in an obscure corner of the planet with her magical kitty. You may view her work at The Art of Katarina Silva. Or connect with her on Facebook or Twitter


24 Responses to “Risks in Love, Juicy Springtime & Intelligent Chaos.”

  1. love it Katarina…and your images are so artful as well (as always!) I can relate to this "We secretly want to get torn apart, so that we may blossom. Yes, we want things to get messy, so we can discover alternative realities of who we are and what we can create in love."

    spot on…

  2. Oh! And thank you for the pigeon bit! I jacked that off one of your articles. Pigeons! Who would have thought? LOL :-))

  3. […] When our old ways of living no longer nourish our heart, we can do one of two things: either remain … […]

  4. Congratulations Katarina: you're Elephant Spirituality's first ever published article in "Who Loves You?," a selection of articles from ej writers on love….

    Just posted to that brand new category "Who Loves You?" on Elephant Spirituality Homepage.

    Braja Sorensen
    Lost & Found in India
    Editor, Elephant Spirituality
    Please go and "Like" Elephant Spirituality on Facebook

  5. hahaha :)) No I think it was a comment….someone wrote they'd like to come back as a bird so they could fly, and I wrote that there was so much more to bird life than flying: "they live in anxiety and fear, they're always defending their territory, and have you seen those pigeons?? The women are always pounced upon for sex by some whackjob male doing a weird dance…." 🙂

  6. Beautifully written! Thanks, Katarina!

  7. I thought you might like the alternative perspective on this one Lynn. Thank you! :-)) xoxox

  8. Wow! Nice idea! My all-time favorite subject! I am happy to have my article kick it off. Thanx Braja. :-)) xoxox

  9. Bingo! Ha ha ha ha….You crack me up.

  10. Love this…can't wait for juicy springtime in so many, many ways. You coming to YJ in NY?

  11. Thanx Kate. :-)) I am STILL working on the YJ thing. My life is often a crazy flow of spontaneity. But if I DO make it, let's do springtime together! ;-)) We'll keep in touch about it. xoxxo

  12. MarySol says:

    Lovely article Katarina, Just read it a second time. I really appreciate your perspective on these sensitive topics. Great photos too, what a rainbow shot! Yes Spring, the full Moon, such a pull on the heart. Worse yet, Venus is quite bright in the western sky just now as well! One thing that also struck me, in relation to the (so sad) suicide rate and "infidelity" rate. It seems society is arranged in a way so contrary to who we all are, living beings yearning to love and be loved. That sharing love is SO RESTRICTED people are driven to suicide. That sharing love is SO RESTRICTED it is often labelled "infidelity", then people are expected to wallow in shame and guilt over it, families are torn apart over it. Trying to put love in such a rigid box seems a colossal failure! I agree with you that we should "Live for Love" and "never let our heart starve". It just seems so sad that society has made following ones heart into such a high risk, all or nothing roll of the dice. Such rigid boundaries around love seem contrary to "Love". Thank you Katarina! All you need is Love!

  13. "When we find love in ‘forbidden’ places, as with infidelity, it challenges our very existence in relation to our significant other, in relation to our lover and in relation to our views of love. Perhaps we have forbidden ourselves from feeling deserving of love? Perhaps we feel love only exists in places that are off limits to us? Hungry hearts explore such forbidden territory to find answers.

    When we are indecisive over where our highest value lies, we unconsciously create chaos in our lives in order to find it. Sometimes it takes the risk of infidelity to find oneself and feed one’s heart. And the springtime is the season most of us are doing this searching."

    I will be honest.
    I ALMOST gave this article a chance, until I reached that line.

    So, basically, you are saying "Don't worry about trying to work things out. Do not communicate. Have an affair and find yourself!!"

    And, BONUS, you can call it a spiritual awakening, or "journey"!!!

    That's SPIRITUAL MATERIALISM, plain and simple, and some of the worst advice I have heard in my entire life.

    In a spirituality that is meant to promote union, understanding, compassion, communication and openness, you advocate deception, lying, frission, and hurtfulness.
    If this is actually what you believe, this is [nearly] the worst case of ego driven spiritual disillusionment I have ever read.

    I am completely dismayed at this attempt to justify a life without consequence, the most un-satya thing one can ever do.

    I am disappointed and you should feel ashamed to attempt to wrap this in the blanket of spirituality.

    May I suggest not drinking the "kool ade" of Westernized tantra?

    That may be a brilliant first step…..

  14. MarySol says:

    The flow you went with seemed naturally to seek its goal, the heart. Mine was touched as I'm sure many others will be. Honestly exploring loves flow, as you have done, feels to me very refreshing, like bathing in a cool, clear stream. What is in the heart will always come out, one way or the other, won't it? Better then we honour our loving propensity, sharing it in ways that nurture our relationships. Otherwise, if we doubt, fear, despise our loving nature, it will come out covered with doubt, fear and confusion, leading to so much pain and emptiness, even suicide. Your theme of being faithful to love was clear. Learning to value love, as you describe, to me means I will have more love to give and I will be more grateful for the love I receive. This makes life more meaningful for all.
    I guess I went off on a tangent about restrictions. I just strongly believe that love naturally flows through our lives in multiple relationships and overly restricting it does more harm than good.
    Thank you again Katarina for sharing, I am most grateful :-))

  15. […] It starts as spring. But spring is just a tease and a promise. Spring is “I’ll melt you just enough so you remember what summer feels like.” If spring is a sip, summer is thirstily gulping down that drink you’ve needed so badly. […]

  16. MarySol says:

    Oh Katarina, I forgot to mention, I love your description of Spring, this magical time when nature celebrates life and invites us to join in the celebration! Thanks for this:-))

  17. Harleigh Quinn says:

    I'm sorry, but that seems like an after the fact response.
    An excuse, if you will.
    The wording, and how the article is written, makes no allusion to what you have just described in response. Specifically what I included in my response to you.

    What it does say is "well, if you want a little chaos in your life, have an affair!"

    No matter how closely I read the article, it reads as though it gives license, makes excuses for, ABSOLVES, those that have had an affair or are considering having an affair.

    Just as books on Oprah for Rhonda Byrne, Eckhert Tolle, "She's just not that into you", Byron Katie, Wayne Dwyer, or what ever other self help toxic sludge she has let loose upon the world during her long term mid-life crisis, has caused no end of chaos among the faithful of her viewers that take her words and advice as gospel, this article has the potential to have the same affect.

    That is what occurs, when we are not mindful of what we are letting loose into the world.

    I would hope that "Dunning-Kruger" is not in effect here, that you are capable of seeing what has been done and the potential damage that can be created in this flight of fancy fluffery that was written with the intent to be beautiful, aimed toward "broken" women that yoga seems to attract ( http://recoveringyogi.com/please-don%E2%80%99t-ca… ) , and, in the future, if not NOW, something is done to either recant, retract, or clarify the meaning and intent of the article.

    Unfortunately, I do not have that much faith in human nature, or the morality of the human ego, therefore, the onus is upon you to "do the right thing…."

  18. I suppose much of how we each relate to an article rests on subjective, individual perspective, which is terribly fueled with each person's unique life experience, as you know. From the emphatic, and perhaps even angry tone of your responses, i would guess that you may have suffered the very hurtful effects of having had your partner be unfaithful to you. If so, I am sincerely sorry, and I can understand why my article may have rubbed you the wrong way. I THANK YOU for alerting me to the costs of irresponsible publishing and have taken your sound advice of clarifying the misleading points in my piece, as you experienced them. I hear you have lost faith in human nature (another effect of one who has had their heart recently broken), and I hope that you can find a way to regain that faith, because at our core, all humans need other humans to partake in the joy that is giving and receiving love. May you find that again, and this time with someone who truly honors and nourishes your heart!

  19. Yes, thank you for sharing this important observation. It's all about values. People often feel they have the right to righteously adjudicate another person's choices under the veil of preserving social order and upholding moral standards. This becomes their higher value, over really understanding and connecting with the person in question.

    Then, to support their cold, impersonal stance, they will often fuel their positions with religious dogma, which adds to their righteousness. Unfortunately, attitudes like this miss the mark, because of their insensitivity to the individual struggles of each human heart. it is very disrespectful, to say the least. It works with principles of blame and shame, and does not directly address the issue at hand: the obvious lack of love. Somehow love gets lost in the shuffle of those fighting for social morays.

    I am so sorry to hear that your heart's pain drove you to attempt suicide once, as it does so many others. I hope that in the future you never turn to that again, as it is an option that also dishonors love, just as those who casts moral judgements do. We are all deserving of love, and any path that feeds love in our lives is one worthy of pursuit. Thank you for sharing.

  20. MarySol says:

    Well put Katarina. When people feel judged or feel that they will be judged for being who they are or feeling how they feel, they tend to, out of fear, hold it all in rather than talking about it. This just deepens the pain and isolation one may feel. All people are unique, both in nature and experiences. Forced conformity to others expectations can leave people feeling empty inside or feeling that what they have to offer is of little value. All this can heighten risks for one already feeling vulnerable, a time when being heard and valued is so important.
    I hesitated to mention my personal experience. I did so because "making my voice heard" on this topic was important to me. I've never mentioned it publicly before and certainly now would not advocate it as a good choice for myself or anyone else. Yes, I agree, this also dishonors love. I mentioned it only to concur that there are many hungry hearts out there, who's needs are real and compelling and who shouldn't be made to feel "wrong" for having those very human needs.
    That is also why I am very grateful for this article, because it explores this basic human need for love in an open and non judgemental way. Thank you again for writing about this.

  21. […] I no longer hesitate walking into and out of his days. The pain of our separation is as all endings are, unavoidable. […]

  22. […] or even months, of steadily making peace with yourself, taking deeper breaths. And then you have that first warm day in March (which from the looks of it will be tomorrow). Or you walk into the house and the light looks […]

  23. […] holds an excitement associated with brightness and as a great article on Elephant Journal points out also a renewed sense of action — as demonstrated by the feistyness of many species […]

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