March 31, 2012

If Chuck Norris Did Yoga.

It’s time to go Chuck Norris on Yoga.

The infamous Chuck Norris jokes make me laugh every time—coming across them again last night, I thought it was time for Chuck to have a yoga collection. With all due respect to Chuck, here they are:

1. If Chuck Norris did yoga, there’d be only one guru—Chuck Norris.

2. Chuck Norris doesn’t lose his balance in any posture—balance loses to Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris always wins.

3. Chuck Norris has an extra chakra—it circles his waist and looks like a black belt. It’s known as the “roundhouse kick the sh*t out of your chakra.”

4. When Chuck Norris does Sun Salutations, the sun rises…regardless of the time of day.

5. Chuck Norris never worries facing his dark side—he faced it when he was two and no one ever saw it again.

6. Chuck Norris once sailed around the world…in boat pose.

7. Chuck Norris’ yoga adjustments can never be undone.

8. Practice and all is coming—so is Chuck Norris. So get the hell out of there.

9. Chuck Norris didn’t read the Yoga Sutras, he stared them down until he got the information he wanted.

10. The guy in bed in the Equinox video is, of course…Chuck Norris.

11. When Chuck Norris does an inversion, he doesn’t go upside down, he tips the Universe over.

12. Chuck Norris once inhaled for 108 seconds—108 thousand seconds.

13. Chuck Norris’ students have been known to lie in Savasana for eternity.

14. Chuck Norris makes ToeSox look cool.

15. When Chuck Norris inquires within, he completely disappears.

16. Chuck Norris invented a new yoga posture: the Round House Kick Asana.

17. When Chuck Norris practices breath of fire, he actually breathes fire.

18. Chuck Norris once completed the entire sixth series of Ashtanga Yoga in a single breath.

19. Chuck Norris’ drishti…is X-ray.

20. The Richter scale was increased from 10.0 to 11.0 after Chuck Norris engaged in mula bandha.

21. ‎”Chuck Norris” is Chuck Norris’ mantra.

Can you think of any more? I’d love to hear them. Send them to me— I’ll add them to the list! 

Read more:

19 Ways To Create Good Karma.

Why Does Your Yoga Mat Say ‘Welcome’?

Video: Stressed-out Yoga Chick.

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