June 22, 2012

I’m Not Sacred, I’m Not Divine, I’m Not Apologizing. ~ Dawn Cartwright.

Photo: Michael Julian Berz

What’s with all the divine feminine and sacred masculine calling out and apologizing recently?

It all started with, A Call to the Sacred Masculine: Ten Daring Invitations from the Divine Feminine. You know, I’ve never had much luck with telling men how to be men. I discovered, after years of experience and lots of mistakes, the way to bring out the best in a man is to love him. Just the way he is.

Several men jumped on the bandwagon. Some got angry, The Last Thing I Need is Another Set of Rule on How to Be a Man. Or offered, A Call to the Divine Feminine: Ten Bold Invitations from the Sacred Masculine. And, while I appreciate the fact that men may have something to say to me about how to be a woman, seems something gets lost in translation when blanket statements are made.

Then there’s this divine feminine, sacred masculine thing and all the apologizing, Dear Divine Feminine: I’m Sorry. Where I come from, an apology is tantamount to an insult. If something you’ve said or done doesn’t sit well with you, you make it right—without attracting attention to yourself in the process.

All of this feels a lot like arranging deck chairs on the Titanic. A useless diversion from the grim reality of our fate and the catastrophe already set in motion.

Photo: Michael Julian Berz

From what I understood, these conversations were started in hopes that we would rise in love, gain a greater understanding of one another, repair the damage caused by ancient longings unmet. Yet, while we recognize staying aboard the sinking ship of enmeshment and expectation is hopeless, seems it’s the only thing we know. And, for now, all the dares, invitations and apologies meant for I don’t know who, give us the grim illusion we are actually working things out.

Our only hope, as I see it, is to leap into the icy waters of the unknown. Release our grip on what has never worked before, strip ourselves bare, untangle ourselves from blame and bitterness, dive deep—inside—until we touch the indivisible. Until we touch the place where right and wrong do not exist and being a god or a goddess isn’t dependant on what we say or do. A place where terms like divine and sacred are no longer necessary—they are, in fact, intensely redundant—and we all sigh a great sigh of relief, now that measuring up is no longer the issue. We find we’re all human. We’re one and together, just like we always wanted to be, safe and warm.

No beggars. No saints.

You know, all this controversy struck a chord in me, really got me angry, even furious, and now I know why. For years I spent my time trying to coerce men into being women—barraging them with expectations meant to obliterate their masculinity because their love forced me to feel too much. Now, years later, tired of all my ploys to clip his balls, I feel how it feels to be loved by him.

And face the stark empty space of autonomy and empowerment that true love reveals.


Photos courtesy of Michael Julian Berz Photography. “Every shoot is a transformational and healing process. Regardless of the subject my work is a reflection of the ability to perceive presence in simultaneity with each other.” MJB


~Editor: Lori Lothian

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blyslv Jul 2, 2012 11:55am

"Until we touch the place where right and wrong do not exist and being a god or a goddess isn’t dependant on what we say or do."

Honestly, this sounds like something a petulant teenager would say. Referencing some vague notion of "enlightenment" maybe fun, but it doesn't obviate the fact that we live in a physically instantiated world, where "right and wrong" most certainly do exist and where what people say and do is the best indication of who and what they are.

Guy Duff Jun 27, 2012 3:16pm

For me, apology is not about "right" or "wrong". It is an acknowledgement that someone has felt hurt and that in some way I may have contributed to being associated with the hurt. Apology is a form of humility in which I am saying being "right" is insignificant to the fact that I love you and I wish you didn't hurt. The words "I apologize" may be a weak form of true apology. A hug, a kiss, an offer to spend the day walking on the beach or an invitation for meal and listening with depth could be a much deeper apology. We are interdependent beings. I believe that I am on the path of ending suffering and bringing joy to all I encounter and in so doing ending suffering and bringing joy to myself. In its true and heart felt sense, real apology is compassion, human affection. When I have felt hurt by the actions, inaction or words of another, a sincere and heart felt apology may truly ease my suffering. Insincere apologies have no value. A hug can be a form of an apology or an act of kindness. Apology and forgiveness are mirrors of one another. One is requesting that judgement be removed and love received and forgiveness is dropping judgement and receiving/giving love. While I do not subscribe to overly apologetic behavior, I do believe there is a time and a place for it and that is for each one of us to decide. Whatever we do or say, whatever words we use, if we do so with truth and love and care in our hearts, we can not go wrong. If we lived fully in non-judgement at all times perhaps apologies would not be necessary and if we were not living in a world so full of violence, desecration of the Earth, loneliness, inequality and cruelty among and between humans, perhaps we would not need to use words such as "sacred" and "divine" to remind us that in our true nature (how we were born, empathic, loving, generous beings) we already are perfect reflections of Spirit. I believe that the ultimate goal of a human is found in the term "Bodhisattva" which is the perfected state of compassion in which we take responsibility to end the suffering of all sentient beings. This practice is found in another practice, also zen in nature of ho'oponopono in which the mantra "please forgive me. I love you. thank you" which is based on the principle that all we experience in life, including the suffering of any being is directly connected to our being and in taking full responsibility for our own being we are, as is the Bodhisattva consciousness, responsible to end the suffering of all we encounter. Perhaps it is the belief that this is true that provides my perspective. Words are tricky and can be divisive, more often than not engaging the mind rather than the heart, engaging judgement and the anger that often comes with it, and any real value in the concept of "apology" must come from the heart and not from mind and the deepest apologies must come from the soul and most often that comes from the simple act of touch and warmth of heart.

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Dawn Cartwright

Dawn Cartwright is a Tantric visionary, sacred writer, world traveler, and innovator in bio-energetic Tantra fusion. She discovered the path of Tantra by accident shortly after a period of life-changing mystical experiences in lovemaking. During her 20 years of teaching, she has integrated the Vigyan Bhairav roots of Tantra, Alexander Lowen’s teachings, the wisdom of Osho, and a microcosm-macrocosm approach to the body. Founder of the Chandra Bindu Tantra Institute in Santa Monica, California. You can also find Dawn on Facebook and Twitter. Dawn lives in Santa Monica, California.