July 3, 2012

Gauging Your Relationship Threshold. ~ Stephanie Bailey

Love can do funny things to ones emotions.

One minute you can have little tolerance of what you feel is unacceptable behavior towards one person but with another you will let them get away with murdering your heart.

How annoying is it to be around someone who bitches and complains more times than not about the person they are dating? You can see all the red signs and can’t help but think, “Really are they just that deaf, dumb and blind to not notice?”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to shake some sense into one of my friends and how many times my friends needed to shake some sense into me.

Everyone has a different threshold when it comes to love; what ends up being a deal breaker or not.

Years ago I dated a guy that thought it was acceptable (because I let him) to walk in and out of my life for weeks, sometimes months at a time without any explanation. Our relationship didn’t start that way, in fact the first two months were perfect. This guy swept me off my feet from the moment we met. He would send flowers, take me to upscale restaurants ordering the best wine and champagne a girl could ever dream of. If he was in Colorado or flying me on various vacation spots, we would stay at the finest hotels indulging in spa services.

Even though this guy lived in a different state, we communicated every day and every weekend he would fly to Denver to see me. When the relationship started to do summersaults; the kind where you keep falling on your back and can’t get up, I was completely oblivious. I wanted to believe this man really loved me and that everything he told me, “people search a lifetime to find what we had” and the love he felt for me he had never felt before, wasn’t a lie.

I was in love and justified his actions by telling myself that true love could conquer all. The problem, true love shouldn’t feel or be so complicated. I felt hypnotized by this guy. He could say or do no wrong.

I would wait around and as soon as my friends would almost start to shake some reality, he would call. Just hearing his voice and seeing him again swept any and all doubt that started to creep in my mind away. With this guy it felt as if I was never going to reach my threshold.

Needless to say this romantic dysfunctional relationship (which looking back calling it a relationship gave it more credit than deserved) did finally end—I had finally reached my threshold.

For some people it can take something small, others something big to finally open their eyes to the truth. For me, it was finally seeing who he really was (with actual proof in front of me). He didn’t want a meaningful relationship. What he wanted was someone he could control; a “yes” girl as he put it. Someone who never says no to anything he wants; sexual or not. I was not a “yes” girl, nor will I ever be. When he saw glimpses of not being able to control me he would disappear like Houdini. Each time he came back was in hopes to change me. I finally realized that my so-called-prince was actually a frog.

When you haven’t reached your threshold with someone there is nothing anyone can do. Everyone has a threshold however you must honor it. If you try to rush it or make decisions based on other people you will never emotionally move on. Once I reached mine, I never looked back. Now, my threshold is a lot shorter.



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Stephanie Bailey  |  Contribution: 110