How Can You Be Spiritual & Sexual? ~ Ben Belenus

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For some, spirituality is all fluffy and dream-catchery; our day‘s intention is to live with an open-heart and make smiley differences in the lives of others.

For others, spirituality is all about surrender to unfolding Source, personality annihilation and manifesting stillness.

But what about sex?

We live in a world with billions of sexually repressed women, billions of sexually damaged men and millions of people addicted to pornography. Many of those people would describe themselves as spiritual.

Something has gone wrong. The repression of sex can be held accountable for so many of our world’s ills. It is time to take a good look at the assumptions that we make about our sexuality, time to embrace some kick-ass spirituality.

For many people journeying a spiritual path, there’s much confusion about how to handle sex impulses that naturally arise. What does a student do when he has lusty thoughts about his gorgeous yoga teacher as she demonstrates downward facing dog?

What does a meditator do when she has the urge to masturbate (about the young muscular man at the ashram)? What does an internationally renowned teacher do when he no longer finds his gorgeous wife sexually attractive, preferring to indulge in his friends with benefits?

Sex is a mother load of work for every one of us.

People, the good news is we are all wonderfully sexual beings, for all is sex. Sex brings this all into being. The bad news, thus far, is that our patriarchal culture and a myriad of flesh-denying religious teachings have left us all with a sexual shadow.

How can we be spiritual and not sexual? Not possible.

I would describe myself as a sexual creature. I am also in touch with an inner yearning to understand what this experience called life is all about. I am a sexual mystic. Over the years, I have encountered many mixed messages from the spiritual scene as to what to do with all the sexual energy that flows through me.

Abstain? No. Embrace and share? No. Hide it? No. Tell everyone about it? No! Beyond the spiritual scene, in the world that I grew up in, there were even more mixed messages. Isn’t it extraordinary how sex is so out in the open, blatantly used in all media, and yet, it is so hidden; nobody talks freely about it. No wonder I was confused.

As a spiritual evolutionary, I was determined to find my way through the confusion. The essence of what I discovered is that this isn’t the time to pretend that our sex is bad or isn’t there. It’s no time to be guilty about something that is so beautiful.

It’s no time to bear shameful wounds that stand in the way of our wholeness. This is a time to embrace our every sexual feeling, every nuanced energy that moves within and to see it all as nature; a flow from divinity itself. Sexual mindfulness if you will. Sexquanimity.

I have peered deeply into the origins of sexual energy and seen that sex is the life force that brings everything into being. It is the most austere of energies that moves within us. Fellow seekers, let’s not deny that energy—let’s embrace it, talk about it, love it and celebrate it.

That surely is the way that we can return to wholeness. It is only when sexual energy is embraced and celebrated that our shadows will enlighten. Celebration of our sex has to be an integral part of any spiritual journey.

Wholeness is ours to be experienced when we indulge in all of life with awareness. Even those sexy, naughty, juicy parts of us that we would rather pretend weren’t there.

Om Mani Padme Hum


Ben Belenus is a truth seeker, worshipper of women and Author. His juicy new book “The sex god – No Mud No Lotus” is a thorough and sacred investigation into sex, love and authenticity. It’s a sexually explicit and passionate love story that follows one man’s evolution towards spiritual freedom. The story follows Ben from innocence into sexual cockiness, painful infidelities, porn addiction and then onwards into deepest Tantric Love.

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anonymous Feb 3, 2016 5:29am

Interesting post. The psychology of pornography. And it still going on more the ever in today’s mixed up world. Still, barely legal girls are ‘all the rage’ and easily seduced by sleaze ball men and now amazingly also women in hard porn business. Some women even claim it’s a spiritual thing to do! Yes, spirituality and pornography. This self named psychic/ spiritual medium and healer actually runs one of the USA biggest porn business. And is known for creating and profiting from Hustler’s ‘Barely Legal’. Sick.

anonymous Apr 14, 2013 11:54am

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anonymous Jan 29, 2013 9:00am

[…] was the tingle and shiver of attraction, the joy of turning heads, the thrill of the moment. “Love the one you’re with,” was the song I remember. And so I tried, confusing lust for love, […]

anonymous Oct 22, 2012 1:07pm

[…] Now, it has not escaped me that a great majority of our sex writers at elephant journal are female and that most (if not all) of those who are “sick of sex” and wanting more “spiritually enlightening articles” are male. This, to me, is an indicator of the taboo surrounding female sexuality and the continuous sexism that blankets the more feminine spiritual paths. […]

anonymous Oct 16, 2012 8:11pm

This appears to be a tantalizing teaser to advertise a book. Too bad it does not include an excerpt of the actual book to give me a real taste of his experience! The post itself doesn't actually say much. What's wrong with the picture? It lacks energetic balance, but otherwise, no problem..

anonymous Oct 16, 2012 8:31am

[…] […]

anonymous Sep 30, 2012 1:00pm

[…] a hot girl trying to seduce Usher with her dance moves in a club. It completely oozes over with sexual energy, scandalous lyrics and great beats and I was totally grooving to it at the gym the other […]

anonymous Sep 5, 2012 6:08am

[…] far, so good. You might want to read it. But if I add it’s a story about obsession with sex (not that Vijay gets much!), will you change your mind? Can’t be helped. It’s the […]

anonymous Aug 1, 2012 11:23am

[…] Yoga practices enable us to experience these other more refined, and sustainable ways to engage with life. Sex can be the ultimate forum to explore this juxtaposition. […]

anonymous Jul 19, 2012 9:40pm

I am confused by almost all of the previous comments. Just because I embrace my sexual energy and all its nuances doesn't mean I'm embracing or promoting free love. Perhaps I missed something in the original post but the main idea I gleaned is, "I cannot be fully spiritual without being sexual." Just because I'm sexual doesn't mean I'm having sex, nearly all humans are born sexual creatures and what we choose to do with that sexuality is a whole other story.

    anonymous Oct 5, 2012 12:24pm

    I think it boils down to people who enjoy sex are simply promiscuous to some/certain people and thus why we've had the shaming game going on for so long… I really do believe some people really hate and loathe sex and would try to put their views on everyone else. Oh wait, that's already happened…! But I agree with you, I can be a sexual being and not be having sex all of the time. Right now is a great example…

anonymous Jul 18, 2012 12:18pm

PS: Mentioned video is on site's homepage, just scroll down a bit.

anonymous Jul 18, 2012 12:16pm

As someone who has been aware of the spiritual potential side of sex — as well as very wary of all the hype and anything-goes wild-child faux or uber-Tantra gloss of a lot of the stuff out there — I agree with the overall message that there CAN be an integration of sex and spirituality.

My short video "Yoni Metta" at my site only addresses the female version of the particular no-hustle, no-catch, no-dogma niche in this general area. (I have a male version in the works.)

But one can get attached or addicted to its highs and mistake them for the Holy Grail. It's a tool or way to open one's awareness and compassion and a more inclusive ethos of perceiving oneself and others. But as with anything, discernment + heart are the way to go.

Now, as far as the photo used for this blog–and I'm a guy….

… it's a very poor choice as well as misogynistic.

It feeds the very hype-fluff spiritual sex is all about orgasms and techniques and seduction b.s. that pollutes most of what is out there. I'd suggest it be replaced with something more reflective of the topic.

Otherwise, decent blog with seemingly balanced perspective.

Philip Steven Knight

anonymous Jul 17, 2012 9:32am

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anonymous Jul 17, 2012 7:30am

I like how the subjects are separated out. The boxes are easy to read, at a glance, and you can clearly read names and fans.

anonymous Jul 16, 2012 11:02pm

Wow. The "spiritual" sexual predator's manifesto. "The Universe wants you to do me." Did you get this line from the pedophile priests, John Friend, or a televangelist? Wow.

    anonymous Jul 17, 2012 9:28am

    Yes, you put it directly. I immediately thought the same thing 'sexual predator' but did not want to confront the author directly. I thought the post might be better directed to EJ. Much of this forum should just be moved to Cosmopolitan or Penthouse Forum, or even used for an entry on an internet dating site.

    Building a spiritual practice around the 'basic' urges just indulges them. It is easy for a clever mind to construct a justification, even a philosophy or religion, to support it. I'm sure many people would buy into it. If only it were so easy.

anonymous Jul 15, 2012 4:27pm

Hehehe. As good a justification as any to have more sex with people who think of themselves as spiritual. If it works for you, go for it. The issue is as old as time, all cultures have dealt with it.

anonymous Jul 13, 2012 4:10pm

[…] How Can You be Spiritual & Sexual? (Elephant Journal) […]

anonymous Jul 13, 2012 12:04pm

I would love to have seen a real story element/anecdote in here Ben, that demonstrates how you have discovered for you that sexuality is key to a fully integrated spirituality. Certainly for some people, the path of a sexual mystic is the one that will take them up that proverbial mountain to the top. But for others, a celiabate path is equally perfect. Or something in between.

    anonymous Jul 13, 2012 8:48pm

    "Repressed" sexuality versus "free love" is the oldest, most rigid, and least helpful polarity in the discussion of sexuality – its joys and discontents – imaginable. To me, at least.

      anonymous Jul 14, 2012 10:33am

      I agree. It's a false dichotomy because these days, any way, there are not THAT MANY walking sex wounded, folk, raised in sexual shame of say, the catholic church (thought the born-agains are trying to beat the catholics in the gulit game). However, had this piece gone a bit more into the personal journey of the author, the self confessed sexual mystic, I'd have been willing to suspend disbelief and ride the wave of story telling. All stories are same old, it's the retelling in a captivating way that makes them entertaining.

        anonymous Jul 15, 2012 7:52pm

        I'm a Catholic for 15 years and never felt any sex shame due to my faith. Zilch. Only hard-core anti-Catholics think that way, for reasons known only to you all. That's fine, we're used to it! In any event, every religious or spiritual tradition, including "yoga," wrestles with the same issues as they are actually universal to the human condition.

        In fact, I see no evidence that yoga people are any more satisfied in human relationships, including in sex, only more confused about why perhaps, and generally coming to yoga because they are even more broken than the general population is. Yoga is their opiate.

        As for this post I see no reason to come up with elaborate spiritual justifications for sleeping around? I have yet to meet a Tantric devotee who's doing anything other than dressing up his or her orgasms as a Shaktian imperative. Other people just say they're horny. can't get enough, gotta have it, and I'm a nympho or a sex addict.
        Whatever floats your wheel pose?

anonymous Jul 13, 2012 9:16am

[…] Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the first to like this. This entry was posted in the sex god and tagged sexual, spiritual. Bookmark the permalink. […]

anonymous Jul 13, 2012 7:56am

This is a parody and joke, right? I would so much like to go with the previous comment, "Hilarious!" accompanying the fantasy depicted in the photo (of what a un-repressed woman does), rather than want to think that EJ has posted a rather infantile, superficial gimmick of seeing the world in polar opposite generalizations of women falling into the category of either sexual repressed or not (not – being something like manage et toi or any other male fantasy). This perspective that spiritual women should run down the streets naked is heaped on women by gurus, neo-Tantras, and yoga teachers, and is in poor taste. Opening your heart does not mean keeping your legs open, too.

    anonymous Jul 13, 2012 12:07pm

    I didn't see the reference to promiscuity in this piece Ann. The author seemed to be refering to the "sacred sexual" and the simple acknowlegment of sexual energy as potentially transformative and life-affirming, vs shameful and repressed. The humor here is in how the filter system of each readers condtioning and background, will inform how this piece is understood.

    anonymous Jul 13, 2012 12:15pm

    Did you actually read the blog post or did you intuit all of that from the picture? Hilarious.

    anonymous Jul 13, 2012 8:50pm

    "Spread your wings – not your legs" is one of the slogans for my new T-Shirt business. Then again I also have one that says: "My dharma made me do it."

Bob Weisenberg Jul 13, 2012 7:18am

Posted to elephant wellness, elephant culture, elephant sexy & elephant spirituality.

    anonymous Jul 17, 2012 9:47am

    Are you serious, or was this just a test to see if we were paling attention?

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