For whatever reason you are a single parent, raising children is a huge challenge.
Perhaps you just decided to have a baby on your own, through a sperm cell donor, divorce, death of a partner, it ain’t easy. If you don’t have a powerful support system in place either by hiring people, family doesn’t get along, parents don’t get along, or absentee father or mother, it can be a b*tch.
When I made my decision of splitting my three year marriage with two young children to take care of, it was mainly because of an absentee father.
I felt responsible to now not only be the mother but the father as well. As a result I’ve always wanted to be there for my children, but I forgot who was going to be there for me. As a result, it has been a consistent in my life until just recently, that the deal of partnership in whatever form works both ways.
It’s not helpful for children to see one parent doing everything and taking responsibility for everything. It doesn’t give the right message about family and working together. Of course, if a dad or mom is in the picture and is supportive, it makes much less strain, but only if both are on the same page in raising the child or children.
Plus, if one parent remarries and the children are in different households and there are different messages being given, it can get totally confusing.
My children didn’t like their father’s second wife, and whenever they came back from being with them, it would take days for them to calm down their aggression. His second wife was mean to my children, so it was difficult to even allow the children to visit, but I did not want to stop them from having a relationship with their dad—absent or not.
Most of us don’t have great role models in our own families growing up. Some of us might not even had access to our mother and father for whatever reason. So usually one has to learn the hard way in child rearing. Hopefully, there will be enough kicks in the butt to wakeup if we are doing the wrong thing on behalf of our children.
I truly don’t know how my kids feel about my child rearing abilities now that they are grown, because at times I was crazy, made bad decisions, but through it all, one thing that was a constant, they always knew I loved them and would never abandon them.
Sherri Rosen is now living in Harlem, New York. She has had her own publicity business for 12 years giving a powerful voice to people who are doing good things in the world. She writes on her own blog at www.SherriRosen.com, www.GateKeepersPost.com, www.Triiibes.com, www.Examiner.com and www.TheGoodMenProject.com.
Editor: Hayley Samuelson