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January 20, 2013

Sparking the Spark: Or, Self-Help. ~ Edith Lazenby

Sometimes finding the flint is a challenge.

Although if you knew me you’d know I have plenty of fire and too much air, and that makes the flame grow even stronger.

Yet today I felt more like an ash.

We’ve all been there.

I found my feathers that helped the Phoenix fly this afternoon when teaching a workshop. Before the workshop I sat in the car and cried, texted my husband, dried my tears and went to the studio. I had taught a hot yoga class earlier so I had to open the windows, even in January.

My heavy heart opened as I reviewed my notes and listened to Joni Mitchell. Students came. I taught Fundamentals of Vinyasa to a small group—they loved it.

Their experience of my offering brought light into my heart.

Did the light leave or was I simply hovering in my own shadow?

Sometimes when overwhelmed all I want to do is crawl in a hole because it seems safer than spreading my wings or feeling the fear of the moment.

I ate truffles and chips for dinner. Law and Order has been the back drop for hours. And yet I am here, sitting on a limb trying to find the feathers to help me fly.

Time has blown the ashes away and now there’s an ember.

My desire blows until a flame starts and the heat warms the moment—I remember what life cannot take: my faith, my muse, my yoga.

It is not loss that keeps me on the ground, but fear.

It’s not what I do that scares me; it’s what I cannot do.

It’s not my ability I question—it’s that no matter how capable I am there’s much I cannot control.

The beauty of this is I know too well I am not alone.

I know many struggle, every day, with money or love or addiction, work and jobs, children and parents and health.

The gift is knowing this too shall pass and every moment is another opportunity to kick the ashes away, find a flint, and create a spark so even when life feels dark, we know it only takes a little light to help us see and feel what it is the moment needs.

 

I am someone who loves to share and thrive on being with others. My craft whittles moments into meaning and eases my heart. I learn best by listening. I teach yoga and I write. Life is challenging but simple. My kitties make me happy. My husband is my best friend.

 

 

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Ed: Lynn Hasselberger

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