Slaying the Energy Vampire. ~ Natalie Avakian

Via elephant journal
on Feb 11, 2013
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Photo by Natalie Avakian

So what exactly is an Energy Vampire?

Energy Vampires, in the simplest of terms, are people in your circle that suck the f*cking life right out of you.

We all have them—whether we care to admit it or not. They usually tend to cling onto us—much like barnacles to a whale, weighing us down—because ultimately, they’re afraid of change.

These people may not have always brought us down, which is probably why we became friends with them in the first place, but as we grow and change we may find our friends are no longer on the same page.

We may be ready to jump on the next train to an entirely new stage of our life. But our friend, who’s not ready or willing to change, will try to find a way to pin us down, so that we won’t leave and everything will remain status quo and safe.

A few years back, I was forced to come to terms with a person in my life who was resembling a raging Energy Vampire.

This person was one of my best friends. We had been in and out of each other’s lives for a good 15 years—during massive growing pains, overwhelming triumphs and the simple day-to-day camaraderie that made this relationship a huge blessing for me.

To be honest, there was definitely an element of codependency between us, so the dynamics of our relationship became habitual in a way that wasn’t entirely healthy. Regardless, I think it’s fair to say that we definitely started on level playing fields.

As time went on, there were several instances when it was clear that we weren’t growing in sync with one another.

Imagine it like this:

We both approached a river with a bridge running across—my choice would be to run across the bridge to discover what lie on the other side, whereas her choice was to sit and have a picnic by the bank of the river and cross the bridge at a later time. Not really a big deal—just two different perspectives.

Instead of allowing us to amicably part ways, she would throw a tantrum until I would agree to join her for the picnic. I begrudgingly joined her even though her neediness was making me feel confined and stuck.

The obvious question was “Why didn’t you just cross the damn river like you wanted to?” Well for me that was easier said than done and honestly, I felt bad walking away. I was obviously more concerned for my friend’s feelings instead of my own, and I wasn’t ready to stand up for what I needed.

Unfortunately, her behavior only grew worse—think epic monster status. It got to the point where I felt completely suffocated by her and it was clear that I had to either change the relationship or sink in it.

Now, the tricky part, it takes two to tango.

I was in fact partially responsible for the dynamic in our relationship. If I was calling her a needy bitch, then I myself had a need to be needed. The fair thing was for me to offer an explanation and give her the opportunity to adjust to my changes. A true friend would be open for what you have to say, but an Energy Vampire? Not so much.

She would not budge from her point of view and her defense was to berate and condemn me based on my past mistakes—claiming that I was a loser that would never amount to anything. I took this abuse—again and again—holding on because of my loyalty to her.

It got to the point where I snapped.

I had to cut her toxic energy out altogether. I was definitely devastated at the loss of her friendship, but I cannot begin to explain the immense weight that was lifted from me. Talk about clearing the clutter—it was like I emerged from a violently erupting volcano and was set free to fly off into the god damn sunset.

That event set a big precedent for me: If there was anyone or anything that was going to cramp my style or hold me back, then they simply had to go.

When we sense stagnant energy in our lives, it’s a sure sign something isn’t serving us. So be brave and face it. I know it sounds a little hardcore—life is too short. Personally, I don’t want to waste any of it with people or things that can’t support my movement towards my greatest good.


natNatalie Avakian is a black sheep Armenian girl born in Hollywood, California.  She is a 5 Planet Gemini who loves to write, make music, take photographs, and teach yoga. When presented with choices, she opts for the road less traveled and moves to the beat of her own drum.  She loves the sun, the color pink, ice cream, hot showers, the ocean, red toe nails, and roller skates. She has recently returned to her home in Venice Beach, California after spending the last year traveling around the world with her husband. She believes in magic.  You can find her at The Divine Disco  or follow her on Twitter @thedivinedisco.

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Asst. Ed: Lacy Ramunno/ Ed: Lynn Hasselberger



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