October 9, 2013

How to Get Out of Your Own Way.

I get in my own way.

Chances are, unless you are an enlightened master, you also have blind spots, areas of your life that just don’t work—relationships, work situations, your health, finances, your family, etc.

How do you deal with them?

If you are like me, you can’t often see them clearly. You find yourself stuck in the same situation over and over again, creating upset and unhappiness. It could be your way of thinking that gets you into trouble, or past traumas and stress, or childhood patterns.

Whatever it is, we have two choices: live with it and continue to be unhappy or take a good, serious look at yourself in the mirror. The key word here is mirror. We can’t see our blemishes until we have a mirror to reflect them back at us.

We can struggle on our own, but the best thing I have ever done is to work with a coach. A good coach is like a mirror. And the best coach is the one who gets you to laugh at yourself and see the ridiculousness of the beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors that keep you stuck.

I often refer my patients to a coach because they are stuck, and even though they know what to do, they can’t do it. In fact, working with a coach has helped me more than any other thing I have done to learn to communicate, to focus on what is important, to stop worrying, and to start acting in a way that leads to happiness rather than to frustration and stress. It’s like a chiropractic adjustment for my mind!

Therapy can be helpful, but life coaching is different.

For me, it works faster than talk therapy and has a much greater focus on creating real change. I want someone to get me to stop talking about my problems, to see them in a new light, and to shift things. I especially love it when my coach tells me I am full of it!

My coach points out how to act with integrity, wisdom, clarity, and compassion in everything I do—toward others but especially toward myself. It’s very powerful.

What I love about this group of coaches is:

  • Their mind/body/spirit perspective. As I do in my practice, they treat the whole person, rooting out the causes of issues rather than just treating the symptoms.
  • They know everyone is different. Though they are teaching a proven method, it is customized to each individual.
  • They are results-oriented. While your happiness is the key goal, they also insist on seeing practical, forward progress and tangible results in your career, relationships, with your body and health, and in your ability to plan and execute what you desire.
  • Their no-nonsense, direct coaching style. This includes telling it like it is and telling on themselves. A coach will never ask you to do something she or he hasn’t. They walk their talk.

Here are just eight of the many ways coaching can help you get out of your own way:

  1. Falling in love with your career
  2. Finding and keeping the love of your life
  3. Transitioning in any way (job changes, divorce, empty nest, new family structure, and more)
  4. Busting all the excuses that stop you
  5. Following through on what you plan to do
  6. Liking yourself deep down
  7. Expressing yourself truthfully and with grace
  8. Cultivating your risk-taking spirit

Even if you are happy and things are going well, coaching can be a powerful way to take a personal inventory and track those aspects of your life that can be enhanced. Chances are, you have some stuck spots or some squeaky wheels.

And a good mirror and some powerful coaching can go a long way to helping you feel more alive, awake, engaged, happy, and healthy.

At least, it’s worked for me. Give it a try!


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Ed: Bryonie Wise


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