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December 17, 2013

A Love Affair With Yoga. ~ Jennifer Williams

Dearest Beloved Yoga,

The affair began again 12 years ago in my bedroom in Virginia. I opened myself up to you unknowing and vulnerable.  I knew I needed change but the change that was offered to me, was so much more than that.

Like most things worthwhile you came into this life time of mine and I judged you wrongfully. Unsure of exactly what you were offering, I thought yoking was about mastering the full expression of what yoga offered physically. I thought it was about inventing new postures. Although I was wrong, there was never any judgment. Maybe you hid your true identity from me because you were playing hard to get or was it because of the unspoken understanding we shared, that things unfold exactly when the universe decides it’s time. 

You intrigued me and each time I visited you, it felt like déjà vu, it was as if we had known each other in previous lifetimes.  At first speaking to my soul in a way I didn’t quite understand because I wasn’t ready for the depth and extent of what was being offered.

Yet time and time again we secretly found each other and had brief affairs. Until the day it became a full blown love affair. One for the books. One that I wanted to share by om-ing from the Himalayas.

When I finally let go and surrendered, I opened space within myself, that seemed to have been waiting for that very moment to arrive. Oh yoga, I didn’t know you could make me feel so good, so bad, so joyful, so content, so confused, so wise, so dumb and teaching me to embrace what I may have considered good and bad.

I was falling in love slowly and deeply with each part of you. Only you, using your experienced limbs, could caress the parts of my spirit that had forgotten what it means to care for myself.

You breathed life into me and opened my eyes to the divine connection I share with all of life.

In that breath I am purified, I am free and I know I am not my body, my mind, my thoughts. You sang mantra to me over and over holding me gently as I shed tears, as I shed parts of me that no longer served me.

Most importantly, I shed fear once I realized it  is the true demon.

I was awakening to the truth, my truth and the fear was beginning to subside. Each new day brought with it brighter skies, even when it was raining. Each new day brought this unspeakable compassion sprinkled with grace. When I close my eyes and observe the beauty of silence, we meet again in that loving awareness observing and embracing all that floats to the surface.

Without fear, because I have learned to be a warrior. I have learned to root down while branching out and up.  I have learned to breathe fire.  I have learned to die and be reborn again. I have learned to bridge gaps to consciousness and bliss.

Through these teachings I began to wonder if I was breathing the universe or was it breathing me?

As time passed, our affair transformed from a daily encounter to a continuous union, constantly together with the hope of inspiring at least one person with our love story, until I learned there is only one of us. Here we are, 12 years later and that passion that rises from us is intense, almost unbearable but we manage to tend to the places within me that require nourishment and awareness. Building up the parts of me that create more peace in the world while tearing down the barriers of illusion.

Teaching by example I follow in your footsteps, yearning for more, yet basking in the strength, the grace and the present moment of exactly where I am in space and time.  You have entered me and for a glimpse I have viewed the world through your eyes, I understand the world as crystal plasma just as the Buddha revealed when he placed his foot on the ground when asked what life looked like through his eyes.

It is clear to me now that I have loved you all along, a love that has spanned lifetimes and ages.

My gratitude is vast and all encompassing.  You have taught me how to feel and move every aspect of my being and amazingly I know this is just the beginning of what I have left to learn from you.

I contemplate how I could possibly love you more?

I know how, because each moment is a reminder and an opportunity to stay anchored in the present moment.

A gift Yoga has bestowed upon me.

I bow to the light in you and know there is only one of us, Namaste.

 

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Assistant Editor: Heather Hendry/Editor: Bryonie Wise

Photo: Flickr

 

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Jennifer Williams