I’m a Healer, Not a Saint.

Via David Zenon Starlyte
on Dec 28, 2013
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Warning: naughty language ahead! 

It’s a peculiar job to work with people’s problems.

Often solutions are quite easy and simple, requiring that they “start” to change. When you “start to change,” you change! Yet, it is important to invite these concepts into a person’s mind slowly and gently, so they can accept and integrate them at their own pace.

Words woven together can magically transform a person’s story until before you know it, seeds have been planted for the very transformation of their life.

I’ve had so many different experiences. Every person is a whole universe. And every person is unique.
I am always learning new things. I have challenges too, like we all do. My work is my greatest teacher. Compassion also means tough love, when the moment requires it.

Recently I was quite disarmed by a woman who attacked me over trying to kill a mosquito whilst she was talking in a treatment. To me, it seemed a small thing. To her, it was a big thing (or she made out like it was). From such experiences I learn the power of a person’s world view, what they choose to experience about themselves and their projections (and mirrors).

So the truth was that her vulnerability caused her discomfort, and my seeming indifference to her feelings was what initiated a lot of anger. It was her vulnerability that fuelled the anger.

Really, the moment was perfect. She was stuck endlessly in the same old story that she kept telling herself, far removed from “reality,” and far disassociated from being empowered.

Empowerment comes when we realise that we are the storytellers.

What was required was a shift in state, a slight “shock” to change the momentum of conversation. From another angle, what seemed insensitive to her, was actually the most sensitive and intricate event that the universe could have conspired to create.

I care deeply about the people I work with. I also know that caring too much has its drawbacks. Too much compassion can make a person too comfortable. This particular person needed a lot of tough love, and she really needed someone to look her in the eyes and say “shut the fuck up” and stop indulging in your story.

What a gift she gave me then—

Her attack was sharp and angry. My response was polite of course! How far should I go?

I am a healer, not a saint!

Some of my other experiences delve into uncomfortable and often murky waters: sexuality.

The healer’s code means he must respect the healing without crossing boundaries or borders into sexuality. How a person “does” their sexuality and owns their sexuality is how they “do” their life. The story they tell themselves about sex, is the same story they tell about their lives. Sex is deeply personal as well as deeply symbolic and narrative.

When you invite a person to be vulnerable, often they open themselves up to you in a way that they would a sexual partner. Thus as a healer, boundaries must always be clear, and one must respect the healing process enough to dignify it.

Of course we know in the therapeutic process, it’s common for a person to “fall in love” with their therapist. We call this “transference.”

Professional ethics aside, it is important to manage these feelings in a respectful way where wounds can be healed and looked at in a new way. Traumas and emotional Saṅkhāra (sanskrit: conditioning of the mind denoting cravings and addictions) are all wrapped up in the unconscious mind where love and sex are projected into the realm of one’s emotional center.

Photo: Elena RayThis dance of creativity is all about needs and feelings of the person undergoing the healing. I am human too, yet my neutrality is an essential component in exploring the often messy and entangled fabric from which a personality is birthed.

As long as I retain a professional distance, these feelings can be worked out in a compassionate way over time.

I never want to pretend I am not human, that I don’t ever have my own problems, my own challenges, my own sexual desires; yet if I am the practitioner, I cannot indulge in my own catharsis. The essential aspect is that I don’t act out my feelings; that I act with responsibility and self-restraint.

Why do I share this?

Unfortunately, there are some men who “prey” on women via offering tantric or “sexual healing.” This taints the sacred aspects of both sexuality and of healing.

It is an abuse of power.

I cannot condone the crossing of inappropriate boundaries. I also think it’s important to have this conversation. We need to understand what we are providing (particularly as men) and respect the healing boundary.

Unfortunately, abuse of this type tends to morph into further abuse and trauma by the legal system and society at large. The rationalisations that attempt to justify inexcusable behavior also damages the sanctity of healing.

What I ask for and expect is holding those abusers accountable for their actions.

The shadows of trauma, and wounds are inflicted on someone placed in a vulnerable position. Whilst I’m not speaking here as an expert, I feel that any “therapist” who claims to be involved in healing, and then carries out a penetrative sexual act in the context of healing, has become an abuser. As a man, I believe the lines between practitioner and patient are intractable.

Why is this important to me?

My goal as a practitioner is for my client to go within and discover their deepest truths, undergo a redefining and yin yang and the shadowrecalibration process, and then birth a personality that is “chosen” rather than being the victim of experiences. This is a sacred calling.

I believe everybody has a pure soul, a true essence, which is love. All the dramas and attachments are an illusion, taken most seriously by the “ego.” I like to tell people, the ego is dead!

My perception of the world is an extension of my belief system. It is not true reality, although it may feel like my reality.

Some so strongly identify with their perceptions, that they are not willing to entertain the idea of being the storyteller. They prefer to stay in “victim” mode.

Transformation requires choosing, it requires a willingness to be vulnerable, and a willingness to focus on the goal.

My desire to do this work is sourced in my own personal journey. I honor all those who have chosen to work with me in revealing and opening themselves to something greater.


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Editor: Cat Beekmans

Photo: Alex Lytle/Pixoto


About David Zenon Starlyte

David is an international SOUL-COACH who travels the world as a spiritual healer, coach and mindful speaker. David's vision is to create journey retreats to guide people to places of mystery and power to rediscover, balance and ground themselves. Growing up in apartheid South Africa, David had an early initiation into a dysfunctional society. It influenced his thinking and search for peaceful and spiritual solutions. A passion for healing followed a severe childhood illness and a medical approach he found lacking gentleness and compassion. David later studied theology in war-torn Jerusalem for 3 years, before graduating as a Naturopathic physician in Australia. David has studied personal transformation for over 20 years with some of the leaders of human evolution including Grand Master Mantak Chia, Master Chen and Ajahn Brahm. He has worked as Naturopath, Wellness Expert and Healer at the best luxury resort as well as number one destination spa in the world. His spiritual education in mindfulness, prayer and wisdom has included immersion into Qi Gong (China), Buddhism (Thailand & Australia), Taoism (Thailand and China), Tantra, Qabbalah (Jerusalem). For more information, he can be found at: Website: http://davidstarlyte.com, , Email: [email protected] , Facebook: http://facebook.com/iamstarlyte


5 Responses to “I’m a Healer, Not a Saint.”

  1. Queen Yanni says:

    Life is sacred. Not matter how big or how small, all the living beings deserve a chance to live, even the mosquitoes. The point is we can co-existence within boundaries…Respect lifes… Love the article…Compassion arises from respecting other people's believe and understanding the roots of their problems…We can not solve the problem of the world, but we can understand our own limitations…We are human.

  2. Thank you Queen Yanni!
    I am grateful to you for your thoughtfulness.
    Bless you.

  3. Kathy says:

    David, thank you for writing such a phenomenal article. This is a much needed topic and I appreciate both your candor and your clarity. Namaste.

  4. Heather says:

    Great article David. I personally would have been grateful for you removing the mosquito as I am one of those people who has an allergic reaction if bitten by them but although I can see both points of view I can't help but wonder if a tiger was about to attack this woman would she have been so happy for you to leave it to do so? Is it all about the size of the creature or level of damage. I guess you can't please all the people all the time! 🙂