Things I would not like to do with You when I am Drunk.

Via Waylon Lewis
on Dec 22, 2013
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There's a girl I like and when I see beautiful views and feel the cold wind I'm refreshed and I let out a whooop! And am glad to be alive. So much ready humor and ordinary joy and ethical community today--sweet dreams small world!

Things I would not like to do with You when I am Drunk.

“Happiness consists in realizing it is all a great strange dream.” ~ Jack Kerouac


There is a small pine wreath in your dark hair.

I am a big man, I can handle five drinks in a row, or six, or seven. I just light up like a wax wrapper, lit on fire. I can still walk straight and dance and talk and laugh and make jokes that make others laugh. And then you come in, an hour after I’ve been there, bored, and I did not think you were coming.

You are tall and beautiful and wearing white. I do not know you, and you do not know me, but we have enjoyed one another’s company, recently, a bit—talking and laughing. You are clearly intelligent, tasteful, and apparently, you tell me now, you are young. I had no idea: your taste, conversation, ambitions and laughter are all beautiful and formed, not raw or messy or wild, but composed, like an exquisite photograph.

We talk and laugh and eat and drink and toast and talk with others and do our things. It is a party. And we talk with old people and I flirt at you and you listen to the toasts from people you do not know to others you do not know, much, which is sweet—because these are special moments for people I love.

At the end of our night I would like to walk you to your car, but I run into someone, I do not remember—and you wait a bit, which is sweet. And we walk and talk and are frank but respectful. I hate being respectful, women do not find it attractive, but I care more for my own conscience and integrity than kissing a woman when it is not time.

And I guess you are engrossed in our snowy walk and talk, for we walk ten blocks out of the way, and there is a moment, where we turn to reverse course, with the snow and the light in the night when it is time to kiss you. But I do not dive into the moment. Perhaps I should have, but I would rather make love with a beauty than chase a kiss. Making love is passion plus heart, and I would not have one without the other.

And so I would like to keep walking with you in the snow and when we say goodbye—you are driving home to your family for Christmas across the white Plains—I remind you to respect my respectfulness of you, for nice guys do always lose, and I am nice, but I do not like to lose.

Christmas is for parties, and celebrations, and family amongst strangers, and for remembering how short and sweet life is, and for being cozy, and for long drives across the white plains. And you are gone, now, and I am set for another good day of work and play: hike with my dog and a friend and her dog, hot chocolate-colored coffee, work on my laptop, hot tub, climbing at the gym, grocery shopping, bicycling between each destination, and a cozy movie and dinner.

And if we never know one another, that will be fine, for you have lit up my month, and for that I bow in thanks. But if I do know you, watch out, for I will light up your already bright life, and we may burn together, like wax paper.

THINGS i would like rough coverGet your copy of Things I would like to do with You.


Things I Would Like to Do with You in the Woods.

Things I Would Like to do with You this Evening.

Things I would like to do with you in Time.

And, as always, Rhye.


About Waylon Lewis

Waylon Lewis, founder of elephant magazine, now & host of Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis, is a 1st generation American Buddhist “Dharma Brat." Voted #1 in U.S. on twitter for #green two years running, Changemaker & Eco Ambassador by Treehugger, Green Hero by Discovery’s Planet Green, Best (!) Shameless Self-Promoter at Westword's Web Awards, Prominent Buddhist by Shambhala Sun, & 100 Most Influential People in Health & Fitness 2011 by "Greatist", Waylon is a mediocre climber, lazy yogi, 365-day bicycle commuter & best friend to Redford (his rescue hound). His aim: to bring the good news re: "the mindful life" beyond the choir & to all those who didn't know they gave a care. | His first book, Things I would like to do with You, is now available.


17 Responses to “Things I would not like to do with You when I am Drunk.”

  1. Jenna B. Wiser says:

    That was so beautiful!! Really it was.

    What if we make love in the car and save the kissing for later? If kissing makes you uncomfortable now we can save that for when your truly ready. No rush. 😉

    The only thing I would have to change would be the fact that I will most likely be staying at the hotel too. See, our group loves to have fun and we all enjoy each others company. In an effort to let loose and not drink and drive about 20 of us will just get hotel rooms.

    So we can have that nice walk outside, keeping things respectful to honor our potential future, and then you can walk me back into the hotel to my room. Which will probably create more scandal because then everyone will be wondering why we went outside alone and come back in all wet. (From the snow of course, keeping it respectful:). No matter what, I will be elated to simply be in your presence. I will always respect your respectfulness of me and be grateful for it!

    I’m going to be away several hours and don’t have time now to read the other articles but later tonight I will. I live for your words. Have a wonderful day!!

  2. laurakutney says:

    This is so beautiful. You will not lose in the end. I'm glad you wrote one more and please write another after this one too. xo, Laura

  3. Kushala says:

    So sweet…and for the record, some women like the nice, respectful guys…really and truly 😉

  4. Katrina Alliasan says:

    And so I would like to keep walking with you in the snow and when we say goodbye—you’re driving home to your family for Christmas—I remind you to respect my respectfulness of you, for nice guys do always lose, and I am nice, but I do not like to lose.

  5. elephantjournal says:

    Don't worry, no one drove drunk! 😉

  6. Katrina Alliasan says:

    I believe you edited my comment. I quoted that line because it is extremely problematic — implying that the author should be thanked for the simple human decency of not being rapey.

  7. Katherine says:

    Things I need to know exist in a man… Thank you for this beautifully written piece. It warmed my heart and reignited my light tonight.

  8. elephantjournal says:

    We can't edit comments, but thanks for bringing the word "rapey" into this! You're fun!

  9. elephantjournal says:

    Amen. When we grow up, whether male or female, we stop being attracted to surface, merely!

  10. Brooke says:

    Ha, ha! No, you're fun!

  11. Kathryn says:

    Dear Waylon. You are a beautiful writer and I respect your words. However I detect a little ageism here. That’s a loaded word, far more harsh than I imply, but it gets my point across succinctly. I can’t wait to read your next blog post!

  12. elephantjournal says:

    Well, a little ageism might be a healthy thing. 😉

    EDIT: I just reread. I actually took care not to use any pejorative terms there. I thought about myself when I was young–I was young, wild, bold, embarrassed by my boldness, even ashamed of my bright bold messiness. But there was nothing bad about it–when we're young, many of us, we're like wild colts, beautiful and fun in our playful energy.

  13. Krisry - Lee says:

    "Please sir can I have some more" this is how your writing makes me feel!

  14. naheed says:

    It’s always such great pleasure reading you Waylon.

  15. erin giefer says:

    Your writing is wonderfu,l and fills my heart with love and optimism.

  16. Keith says:

    I have always felt, "That nice guys always lose" …. is so misguided….we are in a completely different race. <wink> Happy Christmas to the Elephant.

  17. Kelli says:

    So much beauty. I knew it was you, Waylon. While I was narrating out loud, to myself…I heard you. Your voice is strong, and makes me want to write again. My best friend was recently diagnosed with ALS, and while she hasn’t much time, she has a BIG story that I need to try to tell for her. Adore all that you do, Waylon Lewis. Xo