To the Woman Who Slept with My Husband. ~ Lauren Savory

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“Maybe your heart is already racing and you are freaking out a little as you read this…

Maybe you don’t even know who I am.
I know who you are, and you have had a huge impact on my life; but I’ve never met you.
You’ve made me cry, you’ve made me mad…I’ve cursed you, and blessed you and accepted you.
I’ve been thankful for you, I’ve been freed because of you, my heart has been racing because of you.

I’m writing this today because, quite frankly, my period is coming and I’ve been crying all morning.
No, not about you. About all the things that I’m remembering and feeling bad about. I’m letting them go.
Maybe this will help you release something you might feel bad about. Maybe it won’t. I’m not going to judge.

I want to grow a garden full of acceptance, and love and compassion.
You have been a flower in my garden and I didn’t plant you. So today I am walking up to you to welcome you to the place you have been for the last six months, in my garden head, just to tell you that I see you there, in your place, every day. And while you have thorns, you are a beautiful reminder of what I am trying to grow.”

I was at work. I recall the email notification from Facebook; an inbox message from someone whose name I did not immediately know.

Suddenly, I realized who it was—it was her. She, whose husband I met six months prior, one drunken night in Maryland.

My heart raced, falling in step with her words as I read the first line. I knew the cat must be out of the bag; there would be no coming back from this one, no redemption for this sinner. I braced for the onslaught of insults I expected to hurl from within the message. What I didn’t expect was what did come—a voice, calling me to a garden.

The first glimpse of that garden opened a world to me, enchanted and unknown.

I started to plant my own little garden, and bit by bit it started to bloom. It’s so green now! As I care for it and watch it grow, my heart opens. I feel. I give and work happily there. I accept all kinds of weather, whatever comes—even the storms. I introduce myself to each new flower; and when I find one I didn’t plant, I welcome it home.

The small man
Builds cages for everyone
He knows.
While the sage,
Who has to duck his head
When the moon is low,
Keeps dropping keys all night long
For the



Hafiz poems and excerpts are from Daniel Ladinsky’s Penguin publications The Gift, Poems by Hafiz © copyright 1999, and I Heard God Laughing, Poems of Hope and Joy © copyright 1996 & 2006. Reprinted by permission of the author.

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He Cheated, and I Chose to Stay.

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Editor: Catherine Monkman

{Photo: Courtesy of Nicola Hoffman}

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Lauren Savory

Lauren Savory is an investigator of the fundamental nature of reality. Her current research interests include: embodied consciousness, peripheral vision, energy healing, Eternal Return, Shamanism, Hinduism and The Void. Every day she practices unconditional love and her eye perpetually scans for veils to be discarded. She loves to sleep and strongly dislikes going to bed.

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anonymous Jun 14, 2015 10:55am

She wasn't in a committed relationship with you, your husband was. He is who wronged you. Point your finger in the right direction. He got an opportunity to cheat… he took it.

anonymous Jun 3, 2015 9:57am

I don’t understand this article at all. It’s a bit convoluted. What is shy trying to say?

anonymous Nov 30, 2014 4:02am

I still want to punch the guy who is sleeping with my wife in the face. I'm hoping to get over it early in 2015.

anonymous Nov 29, 2014 8:47pm

I don't have an issue with the wife's message. But the mistress??? Seriously??? Good luck with your "garden". You don't seem a bit sorry.

anonymous Sep 13, 2014 11:23pm

I have written a response to this on my own dating blog. I don't like the passive-aggressive, condescending tone of the supposed cheatee. She should sneer at her man, not the other woman.

    anonymous Sep 14, 2014 8:30am

    Nice response Anna! You should submit as an elephant piece:

      anonymous Sep 14, 2014 12:53pm

      Why, thank you very much 🙂 Done!

    anonymous Jun 3, 2015 10:08am

    Yuck… you're kinda gross. I know you won't care about my opinion, but I want to give it anyway. I don't like the passive-aggressive, condescending tone of your blog post. I agree with you on some of what you wrote, but overall, you sound bitter and nasty. It's a horrible look on people.

anonymous Aug 27, 2014 8:06pm

maybe monogamy is the problem. i like multiple flowers in my garden. or some metaphorical shit like that.

anonymous Aug 20, 2014 10:19am

We talk and write about being loving, compassionate, and forgiving. This is it. This article shows humility in the truest sense and thus, the writer (the cheater, self absorbed, and narcissistic person) is sharing how her life is changing… how the way the wife treated her showed her a level of love and compassion for herself that was missing in her life.. which is probably why she chose to be a part of the cheating. Awesome article love!

anonymous Aug 20, 2014 5:44am

I think the writer's response shows a significant level of obtuseness to the harm her actions have caused. Whether the cheated on woman welcomes the breakup of her marriage or not, being the kind of person who would sleep with another person's wife, husband, partner and then so quickly say thanks for the forgiveness does not say good things about this woman. Seems fairly self absorbed and narcissistic. It isn't about the person who helped cause the hurt, it's about the person who is hurt. Show a little regret, a sense that you are sorry fr the pain you've caused and the need for this other person to go through a profound and difficult healing process.

anonymous Aug 19, 2014 12:27pm

I think it's beautiful. I've been cheated on. I totally get it.
The beauty is that the horrible thing was turned around and put into the growth of two people that are not connected in any other way but the wrong doing. It takes a very mature person to handle this (well, at least to a point of being able to write this letter) in half a year.
It's not passive aggressive. The wife is trying to grant a release to the mistress.
It's the best way to grow – help others grow.

anonymous Aug 19, 2014 9:19am

This article is pointless and makes no sense. The moment a woman finds out she's being cheated by her husband or partner, comes with a high doses of pain a delusion. You should be enough mature or grown up to accept things like the article says. I have not met a woman being so comprehensive and forgiven as this article says. To send such a letter from the wife to the mistress would be recognizing that the wife has fail in any way. This would take more than six months to complete such an introspective journey and recognize exactly where you did wrong, as a wife. It is quite unfair for sure, but in a couple, both parts involved are equally responsible for failing to each other.

anonymous Dec 19, 2013 11:31am

My interpretation of the article is a bit different – perhaps the title is a bit misleading? I think the author is actually the 'mistress' and is sharing a Facebook message she received from the wife of a man she had slept with. She describes her initial fear at seeing a message from this woman whose life she may have ruined. But instead of being reprimanded, the wife talks about forgiveness and how she's grown from being cheated on. The author describes that being on the receiving end of this sort of openness and acceptance from a woman who should hate her, changed her own approach to forgiveness. Thoughts??

anonymous Dec 18, 2013 4:39pm

I have to admit that I don't understand this article. It seems that she is passively aggressively trying to get at the woman when she should see her relationship with herself and then her husband. Perhaps all she wants is to let go but she won't be able to so long as it is misplaced. The woman really has nothing to do with what is happening. It may be that forgiveness of the woman is a step to get her there. You can see that I am trying to make sense of this article as I type.??

    anonymous Jun 3, 2015 1:23pm

    Hello! The small writing is the message from the cheated wife, while the rest of it belong to the mistress, as soon as it starts with "I was at work". After 6 months, I believe she already talked to her husband. She took the whole experience as an opportunity for growth, which is an important step for her. I believe it`s a matter of individual opinion whether a relationship can continue after an affair or not. Being cheated on is great!