January 10, 2014

15 Funny Quotes (& Why We Should Laugh, Like, Right Now).

Laughter can greatly improve our health and wellbeing.

So, If you can’t stomach an apple a day to keep the doctor away, then—just laugh. 

Laugh with your whole being at least once a day, and I promise you, you will feel slightly, if not exceedingly, better.

Why will you feel better?

Laughter lowers blood pressure and reduces stress (see, there’s a reason why some of us (cough, cough, erm, me) can’t control our nervous laughter in the most awkward of, and not-so-appropriate-to-laugh situations. Oh, the stories I could recount on this subject, the awkward stories—but I won’t, my lips are sealed.)

Moving on…

Laughter also helps us achieve those rock hard abs. (Yet, from personal experience, I can attest to the fact that if you laugh while eating cookie dough ice cream, well, this adominal work out might not work out so well for you.)

Do you wish to free yourself from pain and suffering?

Laughter can help with this, too. A good laugh reduces pain and triggers endorphins. So, next time you have a headache, try watching a part of this or this before popping those pills. (However, if you suspect you’ve broken a bone, or, you know, severly injured yourself, please, for the love of laughter, go to the hospital, but, watch this on the way.)

Laughter is magical.

Except, not like Harry Potter magical.

But, well, it does help to boost your immune system, and releases endorphins, and reduces your risk of heart disease.

So, in conclusion, if you don’t want to die— laugh, just laugh.

And if you’re having trouble laughing today, here are 15 funny quotes that will hopefully help:

1. “An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.” ~ Agatha Christie

2. “True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.” ~ Kurt Vonnegut

3. “Weather forecast for tonight: dark.” ~ George Carlin

4. “My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.” ~ Mitch Hedberg

5. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” ~ Oscar Wilde

6. “First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.” ~ Steve Martin

7. “I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” ~ Emo Philips

8. “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” ~ Oscar Wilde

9. “I think someone should design exercise machines that reward people with sex at the end of their workouts, because people will perform superhuman feats for even the faint hope of that.” ~ Tina Fey, Bossypants

10. “In a recent Valentine’s Day posting on her fan website, Britney Spears says that—oh, who cares?” ~ Amy Poehler

11. “If you’re a woman and a guy’s ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it.” ~ Louis C.K.

12. “I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” ~ Woody Allen

13. “I’m a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone’s life.” ~ Mitch Hedberg

14. “I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.”~ Woody Allen

15. “Confidence is 10% hard work and 90% delusion.” ~ Tina Fey

Love elephant and want to go steady?

Sign up for our (curated) daily and weekly newsletters!


Editor: Bryonie Wise

Photo: elephant archives

Read 1 Comment and Reply

Read 1 comment and reply

Top Contributors Latest

Laura Ashworth  |  Contribution: 2,400