January 10, 2014

How Sex Makes Us Grateful.

“Sex is more than an act of pleasure, it’s the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it’s almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it. And at this moment you’re a part of them.” ~ Unknown


There might not be two words that are better matched side by side than gratitude and sex.

What moment more fully embodies gratitude than the deep and powerful pleasure of two bodies entwined in lovemaking?

I believe that the universal desire to experience orgasm is more than seeking this crazy height of pleasure that bursts in us, but also recognizing with profound gratitude how our bodies are wired for love to work in us. Recognizing gratitude as a visceral response is a natural outcome of sexuality, which like joy, ignites a burst of creative energy that heals and transforms.

Sharing sexual pleasure is the most potent glue of human relationships. Sexual gratitude cracks the heart open with the recognition that we are loved, we are worthy of love, and we are able to love. So simple and yet so challenging is this profound experience of self-acceptance that we fear elevating our sexual drive to this expectation. This explains the hook-up culture we are living in, as well as anything else that can be said about it.

There may be orgasms that occur in one night stands, but they aren’t the ones that open your heart to your own vulnerability and greatness.

Transforming your relationship to your sexuality as one that is driven first by a visceral experience of gratitude will simultaneously remake your intimate partnerships as well. Too often we hold our intimacy hostage to the vulnerability we refuse to acknowledge, the wounds that we mistakenly believe keep us separate from others.

Our intimate relationships are the spiritual containers for human growth, a haven to figure out who you are and what you want. Moving beyond our self imposed barriers into connection is the foundation for a solid relationship.

Celebrating a solid relationship in a warm bed is nothing if not a dance of gratitude. How and why we do the things that our libido awakens in us, in the most primal region of our brain, we can’t explain to ourselves, let alone anyone else, but it doesn’t matter.

When you are safe to be yourself, or whoever else comes to mind between the sheets, you let go and follow instinct gratefully. Sexual pleasure proves the maxim that giving and receiving are interchangeable and equally gratifying like nothing else.

Experiencing the range of wondrous and indescribable sensations that only intimate pleasure creates offers a new universe of sensation. Time and space of the inner and outer realities are indistinguishable. The language of touch carries all the nuance, depth and meaning that words convey, more clearly. This expression of gratitude without words changes how you look at each other.

System reset. That is what grateful sex does. Every nerve fiber is soothed; the connections between heart, mind and body are restored, balanced.

The peace and calm, which settles into your relationship is more than just a relief. It is more like coming back to a true center, a place that always remembers why you do the work to love.



Sex: What Good is It?

Having Sex or Making Love. ~ Freya Watson

A pocket guide to Sex with Someone You Love.

Make Love with Your Eyes Wide Open.


Love elephant and want to go steady?

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Editor: Bryonie Wise

Photo: Flickr

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Hannah Aug 2, 2014 3:09pm

This article came to me exactly when I needed it! Thank you so much! 🙂

Lara Mar 26, 2014 5:19pm

I love this. The gift of truly “being” with someone.

Lisa Mar 26, 2014 3:04pm

Beautiful. With much Gratitude!

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Wendy Strgar

Wendy Strgar, founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love, intimacy and family. In her new book, Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy, she tackles the challenging issues of sustaining relationships and healthy intimacy with an authentic and disarming style and simple yet innovative advice. It has been called “the essential guide for relationships.” The book is available on ebook, as well as in paperback online. Wendy has been married for 27 years to her husband, a psychiatrist, and lives in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.