When I was a nubile and young fair maiden of about 20, I thought I could make a man feel loved if I was was “simply hot and beautiful” as I tousled my hair about while I paraded around in sexy lingerie and skimpy bathing suits.
With utter seriousness, I would ask my first love what his favorite rock song was while I danced and I served him his nightly beer in a large frosty mug.
Forgive me my friends, I was only in my 20s.
Now I am not saying that this did not make him happy, but we did not have a spiritual love connection beyond cold brew and showing off our youthful and toned bodies every evening around midnight.
When I was in my 30s, supposedly more wise, married and with small children, I lost myself completely in my role of being a wife and stay-at-home mom. Gone were the Victoria’s Secret lingerie and private dances, and instead I became a hassled and hurried woman who tried to manage my life and that of everyone else, rather than enjoy it- or myself.
That didn’t go over too well, as I lost all my confidence in who I was, and looking back, I became a spiritually unattractive and unavailable woman who no longer cared about myself.
As with most eye-opening epiphanies that we all have in life, this was my big one and I had to learn the hard way what was unattractive about me: I had lost the respect and admiration with my loved ones because I did not love myself enough to take care of my own needs. And simply put, that is also a selfish way to be. If I was not happy, how could I make anyone else happy?
What does my personal story have to do with making a man feel “absolutely loved”?
Take it from me—as a now confident, sassy, smart and still sensual woman in her 40s who has finally discovered that loving and adoring myself is the best way to find ‘the best man to love’ and to make him feel loved.
Ladies, take the following tips to heart as I finally have a man who not only treats me with respect, but seems to worship the ground I walk on because I have the chutzpah enough to be who I am . . .which is a complete turn on for any man who is truly worth loving.
5 Ways to Make a Man Feel Absolutely Loved
1. When He Walks Through The Door, Cover Him with Kisses.
This sounds much too simplistic I know, but it works! Men are extremely physical by nature, and touch is inherently important to them. Many men also feel detached and less bonded when they do not get regular physical intimacy. (Women do as well).
This does not mean you have to attack him sexually when he walks through the door—it simply means to touch him in a loving, intentional and sensual manner, and to truly be in the present moment as you do so.
Whether he is coming home from work, a night out with friends, a work-out, or even a trip to the market . . . greet him with a big smooch and a hug. He will not only be taken by surprise, but will get excited, and both of your endorphins will get going, which is necessary for greater intimacy and bonding.
Extra Tip: Why not also dab on a little perfume, light some candles and turn the lights down a little low as he comes through the door. Who knows what will happen after that?
2. Take a Real Interest in What He Loves To Do, and Do It Too
Just like women, men want to know that their feelings and interests are of “interest” to their partners. Throughout my life, I have repeatedly made the mistake of not respecting my partner’s needs and even acting selfish, simply because their hobbies or passions bored me or even seemed to threaten my own.
For example, if your guy loves a certain genre of films that you don’t care for; has asked you to try a sport with him while you would rather read a good book, or even travel to a foreign country you are not thrilled with . . . why not take a risk in at least showing an interest and even taking part?
The worst thing that can happen is that you may still not care for what he does exactly—but the best thing is that you will and that will make him feel more loved and appreciated.
Extra Tip: Surprise him by taking the initiative and plan to do something together that he has been asking you to do. As for myself, my guy has been asking me to become a certified scuba diver so that I can explore the deep sea with him, which is actually a fear of mine. I plan to take classes and surprise him for his birthday!
3. Listen to Him When He Has Something to Say, and Be a Warm Place to Land
This may sound like much too obvious of a tip to give, but after interviewing men for this article—and through my own personal experience—it is one of the most important pieces of advice if your goal is indeed to really make your man feel loved.
Most men are conditioned in society to keep a stiff upper lip, to not share their emotions for fear of appearing weak and to always be strong and stoic in the face of fear and uncertainty.
So, when your guy is willing to be vulnerable enough and opens up to you about his feelings, or even gives a reaction or answer that you may not agree with, take the time to just listen. Maybe he is trying to get closer to you by sharing his feelings and listening will bring you closer together.
In speaking with men, a great majority have reported that they have stopped sharing their feelings because they do not feel “heard” when they do.
Extra Tip: The next time your man seems extra quiet, maybe even sullen, or tells you everything is okay when you can sense that something may be wrong, why not ask him to sit with you while you gently rub his back. After a few minutes, ask him if there is anything that he wants to share, and that you are just there to listen.
4. Be Supportive of His Friendships and Give Him His Space if He Asks
Just as women need “girlfriend time” and to let loose and bond with other women, so do men. Men and women cannot meet one another’s every need, and it is not even healthy to try and do so.
If I have learned one very important lesson through my relationships with men, it is that they are happier if they feel free to have some regular outside time to be with their male friends, or time to simply be alone, whether that means in a “man cave”, reading, playing sports or taking a walk alone for a breather.
This does not mean that they do not love us or that they cannot wait to get away from us—it simply means that they need some time alone or with their male counterparts, which is good for them and for you.
I have some friends who feel threatened when their partner wants to go out with the boys, or when they say they need their space. I have found with my current relationship of four years that when we take time to take care of ourselves and our friendships outside of our own relationship, that we are both happier and that bring more to one another in our own deep friendship, which is the best kind of relationship to have.
Extra Tip: The next time your man says that he needs some time alone or to hang out with a friend, why not say something like, “I think that is great and I hope that you have a great time.” This will make him feel appreciated, heard and more loved!
5. Turn Him and Yourself on in The Bedroom and Out
Most men feel more loved when a woman takes the initiative to seduce them and make love to them. (Yes, I know, this seems like another seemingly obvious piece of advice, but I believe it is one that needs to be addressed.)
Often, couples get into a rut because they are too busy, too tired and it just seems like too much work to set aside time to have romantic and intimate evenings, especially with work, kids and the stress of everyday living.
As a woman who loves her man, I can often sense when we seem out of touch with one another and are not feeling as close as we both want and need to be. I have actually worked very hard in trying to be tuned in to his feelings and when a sweet dose of romance may be just we both need.
One important thing to remember is that seducing your man and making love to him does not have to be a big, romantic project that needs to be planned each and every time. Sometimes and often, it is the unplanned spontaneity of lovemaking that can be the most thrilling, romantic and thoroughly enjoyable for the both of you.
Extra Tip: When he least expects it, whisper sweet “somethings” into his ear, rub your hands over his arms slowly and then start to dance a little with him. Kiss him sweetly and tenderly, or absolutely passionately if that is more your style—either way, I am sure he will feel as if he is definitely the center of your world, and that he will feel more loved by you.
Women: Please Stop Doing This To Your Man.
Love elephant and want to go steady?
Editor: Bryonie Wise
Photo: elephant archives