March 30, 2014

The Deadly Tactic that Kills Relationships Softly. ~ Bethany Mullins


We’ve all heard the back and forth regarding love.

Love is about giving not receiving.

Take care of ourselves before anyone else, self care is primal to happiness.

Love freely.

If you have any respect for ourselves, establish boundaries.

Each of these have truth. But when we’re in a fuzzy, confusing relationship, we may feel that our limbs are being pulled different ways.

For me,  the most deadly tactic that inhibits peace and kills a relationship softly is to compare. Stop comparing and we’ll finally begin to experience the relationship with a clear head.

It sounds simple, but it is not.

Comparison is a mindset.

We have to undo years of it to conquer its destructive nature on our relationships. It’s a defense mechanism we use in an attempt to justify. We used it in the hallways of high school to make ourselves feel validated. It was what we needed to do to deal with whatever shortcomings that were printed on our foreheads.

But we’re adults now, right? So comparison is no longer a crutch. We need to face our relationships for what they are; what they are to us and our partner.

Once we’ve cleared the fog of comparison, we see the issues and the imperfections as opportunities. Behind the muddled vale of outsider’s feelings and expectations, we’re able to confront the issues with our own rhetoric. We have a chance now.

A chance to give.

And this is where giving comes in. Our opinions, our thoughts, our body is a gift to the other, a flame that we can fan and make burn brighter and warmer.

Perhaps I’m the giver and you start seeing me differently. Giving is a powerful gesture that is a reward to the receiver and the the giver. We’re forced to look at ourselves with a different maturity, a higher standard . If I, myself am the gift, I have to hold myself dear. This is where self care comes in. There are many benefits to taking care of ourselves. In our careers, our esteem and your opportunities. People can smell good self esteem and it can attract good quality relationships in our lives.

When we have this respect for our relationship, for ourselves, we’re able to establish clearly what we like and what we don’t like. There is room to be pushed and times when we need to be patient; we start mapping boundaries.

We need boundaries in order for us to love freely and comfortably.

We’ll be able to feel when it’s a good challenge or a “not yet” challenge. I believe in the statement: we can’t know how to love and respect someone if we don’t know how to love and respect ourselves.

But, I’m also beginning to see the paradox.

We fall in love with what we’re in need of, to teach us how.

It’s a paradox we all are living in, but that’s just it isn’t it? We’re all growing, all learning how to love together.

Comparison is deadly, and it sneaks up on us when we’re vulnerable. Reprogramming our mind, our heart to see only ourselves and our partner. Give without question, and love the repercussions that come from using our beautiful, unique gift to heal. Care for ourselves enough to make our gift as spicy and exquisite as we need to burn a strong fire between the two. Build respect for ourselves. Identify what we love and what we don’t love so we can establish boundaries and learn to communicate them productive

“Comparison is the death of joy.” ~ Mark Twain

Most importantly, use our intuition to read the signs. Listen to our gut, and trust that God, the universe, or our Higher Self has it under control.


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Apprentice Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock / Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: Maddie/Flickr

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