Looking up at the heavens during yoga this morning, I celebrated the notion of feeling limber on my mat outdoors.
The clouds and sun were jockeying for position, the cooing of pigeons dominated nature sounds, and squirrels were chasing each other from tree to fence to grass.
It was in that moment that every single emotion within began to speak: my heart, my gut, my mind, my breath, and even my feet. I listened, I cried, I felt, and I honored what the voices were saying.
“You can show your modest self in ways that don’t make sense. Others need not know everything that is going on, but God knows and cares, and your relationship with Mother Earth is all that is necessary.”
Fear chimes in:
“Take heart, dear one, you have been here before. This pony ride is nothing new; your soul’s shadows and dark nights have opened up into the light. I believe I can step aside to allow your natural being to overcome. I now understand our time together is brief—it comes and goes, and is accepting whenever I want the spotlight.”
Peace gets in on the conversation and says:
“Going outside into the woods, near the water, sitting in silence, keeping your heart open and smiling, is your best medicine. It will bring you calmness and serenity and take you where you need to go.”
“I am here. I am willing. I am the ultimate feeling that everyone and everything is connected to and offering. I can be masked in intensity and passion, yet I reside deep within you and I am never going to abandon your side.”
“I think all that you are doing will manifest into more of what you are doing! How exciting this time is for you and all involved! Keep laughing and spread your wings even farther.”
Sadness cries out:
“Surround those you love with compassion and light. A remedy for a frown is to connect and resonate with hearts needing a smile. Tears and eyes will point downward and face you in unusual places, the randomness of a flower unable to bloom mars your steps, a creature caged without kindness is shown across the land, a human being suffering and in pain cries out for forgiveness—this is my way of showing you where I sit.”
Surprise unexpectedly retorts:
“Did you happen to notice that the cosmos are dancing and stirring and shifting? Well, this me unearthing the impossible and directing your life to the possible. Yes, I can give it all I’ve got. You have to trust that all will be taken care of and any angst of my presence is there to catch you off guard.”
“I am here for a reason. The instances that you feel complete contentment and being right where you need to be at any given moment, that is my role in your life. The coins you find, the feathers appearing on the trails, the clouds parting to form a heart, the birds wildly singing every morning, the graciousness of strangers and friends, your bravery and strength to continue moving forward, this is the crux of my value to your life.”
With these emotions being at the crux of all forward momentum, combining authenticity, power, and a tad bit of structure, I can make decisions based on all of these feelings.
Without this cacophony of voices all wanting a piece of me at different times in this process, I would never know which way to go. We have to listen, we have to honor, we have to allow each and every one to be heard. Sometimes you cannot look back. Most times there is doubt, yet the flip side is incredible faith that all is well.
Wearing your heart on your sleeve is the emotional neon billboard, catching you off-guard and showing the value of differences and ironies and metaphors. My emotions tend to grip me in the heart and belly first, the mind not beginning to understand until some time has passed.
I always used to say, “oh, it is such a woman thing.”
But, we all feel.
We all use our voices to utter words and actions based on the emotional self. We all need to take a leap of faith every now and again, trusting and appreciating that wherever we land will be for our own good. As every emotion jockeys for position with each step, whether baby or big, I venture into territory that was once scary and unreal. Now, all the voices have shown up, and it is going to be okay.
After all, the ultimate destiny is to trust, to love, and to accept.
Time to sit and process and continue on with the day, as the emotions have had their way with me. My feet don’t feel so stuck any more, my balance has been restored, and the sun is shining brilliantly. I am listening.
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Editor: Catherine Monkman