Surely we have all done it at some point in our modern social networking lives—develop a fanciful infatuation based on someone’s Facebook profile. Secretly stalk their page at the wee hours of the night and create marriage vows in our head based on a touched up photo or alluring status update they posted.
A virtual romance sourced on a hopeful fantasy that this person might actually, finally, be “The One.”
Is it healthy?
On one hand our crush can serve as a muse to inspire us to be a better person, just as a real budding relationship encourages us to step up our game. Hopeful romance can be a path of personal evolution! But the other side of this elusive game can lead us into an unintentional black hole of illusion, false projections and utter disappointment.
There was one Facebook crush in particular that has held my heart in limbo since I first discovered him online. The comment he made on the post I put on a mutual friend’s wall didn’t matter. It was my heart leaping into my throat that grabbed my attention when I saw it.
Love at first sight with a profile thumbnail!
Of course I immediately clicked over to his page. There was an ambiguous cover photo and gorgeous profile picture that sang love songs to my soul with a choir of angels to boot.
But all the other photos were hidden from public access.
And wall posts were private.
So the only other option was to click on his info section and hope my investigation would come up with some results.
Step One: Search for his relationship status.
OMG! Single!!! My heart is literally racing. Wait a minute, double check to see if he is interested in women or men. (Sometimes the cutest guys on here are actually gay, which do make for the best of friends, but pointless to pursue for dating.)
Oh goodie, he is into women. God’s gift to humanity. Thank you.
Step Two: Investigate personal website links.
Yes, his business URL is listed here. Self-employed. That could mean anything. Gonna check it out anyways. Open apple click to open in new window. I’ll look later.
Step Three: Read up on his “About me, inspirational quotes and interests.”
Heavens to Betsy, this one has written a novel of information! As I devour each word my entire body is tingling from head to toe (affirmation chills). He uses unfamiliar linguistics to describe himself and philosophy of life, but as I decode his language it appears he is making a list of every single quality I seek in a man.
Oh dear. I will come to back read this again.
Step Four: Check his mutual friends.
Does he have thousands on his list? Is he a “hot woman collector?” Anyone in common?
If the list is large, “mutual friends” is up for interpretation. The 30 friends we do have in common are all hot women I know. No dudes. Red flag? Maybe some of my girlfriends have already dated him and can give me a heads up before I fall completely in Facebook love with him.
Mental note: ask the girls for a referral next time I see them.
I don’t need any more convincing. His profile photo alone is cupid’s arrow pointing straight at my heart with him looking directly at me with “those eyes” that I will wake to every morning in bed for the rest of my life. It is as if the image of this man has stepped right out of my journal and manifested in all his Facebook glory.
The man of my dreams!
Enough of this—friend request!
A private message along with the request is the proper way to grab my future lover’s attention. In my intoxication I write something stupid and press send before I can doubt myself.
Next comes the long waiting period.
The anxiety of watching for that notification update that “Mister Dream Come True and Scarlet Amor are now friends…and soon to be ‘In a Relationship!’” I waited, for days, and then a week…until one Monday morning when I least expected it his gorgeous icon showed up in my notifications:
“Friend request accepted!”
My palms were sweating when I clicked over to his page with full access to his Facebook life. Profile photos first. OMFG! Dream. Come. True. Oh. God. Almighty. Is. This. Man. For. Real? I know I should not base my assumptions on a photo, each one as heart melting as the next, but it is too late.
I am 100% infatuated.
I dive on in. Wall posts. Notes. Photos. Videos. Poetry. Artwork. A wealth of information about this man’s life. Or at least what it appears to be? I completely forget my common sense knowing that good looks and well versed words can be deceiving.
Instead I allow the fantasy to take hold and cast a spell on me, only looking for what I want to see, pieces of a puzzle fitting into the image of true love I have woven in my minds eye.
A total illusion and I’m hooked.
In my experience, when we build up an overwhelming colorful fantasy in our mind, we can pretty much guarantee disappointment in the end. No one can live up to the expectations we create in the madness of our romantic imaginations! Trust me, I had developed quite the fancy for this one in particular.
A few days later my Dream Man posted on his Facebook status that he is “In a Relationship” with another woman. Stunning she is in the photo of them together. Looks like true love. He has found his match.
Game over—I actually cried over it.
I now understand why we call it a “crush!”
Love elephant and want to go steady?
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Apprentice Editor: Alicia Wozniak/Editor:
Photo: Flickr/Shawn Tron
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