We all have a unique history with our parents, even if we don’t speak to them, if they had abandoned us, or if they were there for us.
They are our mums and dads. One cannot live life in a peaceful way without coming to terms with our own personal situation and relationship.
When a mum or dad dies, if one has not made peace with them, one must, because it will haunt us for the rest of our lives. I am saying this from personal experience. I had a horrible relationship with my mum. She wanted me to be just like her, and I wasn’t. I was a free spirit and she did not know what to do with me. Whenever I frustrated her, she beat me. Looking back, I can now see that she was not mentally well.
Mum was very smart, beautiful, a good housewife, but kept herself on the back burner and lived through my dad.
I was so scared of her. I could not even go to her funeral, telling myself that it was mainly because of the terrible ice storm outside; I was in NYC and she was in New Hampshire. I was relieved to not go, but I still did not have peace in my relationship with her. I did not realize that I was still grieving her death until many years later. I had to surrender to the fact that I truly hated her for all she had done to me.
I realized that it was poisoning me and was not helping me to go on with my life.
I decided to work with a Past Life Regression Therapist who took me on a journey to meet face to face with my mum. In that one hour session I was able to work things out with her.
Past life regression may not be for everyone but it did work for me. Each one of us has to find our own way of healing a relationship with a parent, especially when they have passed.
With my dad’s death, I grieved for a whole year and then some. At his funeral I spoke about him and at his grave I wanted to jump right in, that’s how much pain I was feeling with my loss. Ever felt like that when you have lost somebody you adored? I also began to see that as much as I loved him, he was not there for his family. He was too busy with his own life. He owned women’s shoe factories up in New Hampshire and we hardly ever saw him. When he would return to our home in Lynn, Massachusetts, he could not understand why I did not want to spend time with him. I adored my dad, but he was never around and really didn’t take care of us.
After each one died, it was very rough for me.
For many years I blamed my mum for everything until I had that particular therapy session where I realized she must have felt just as abandoned by dad as I felt. That realization changed everything for me.
Again, I cannot begin to reiterate how important it is when our mums and dads die to make peace. If it’s not done, it will poison us and the rest of our relationships through our entire lives. Some folks were fortunate and had a wonderful childhood. But if, like me, you experienced a lot of unhappiness with a parent (or perhaps had little to no contact at all), make peace with that. It is the biggest blessing one can give to themselves.
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Apprentice Editor: Carrie Marzo/ Editor: Jenna Penielle Lyons
Photo: Sir Zimbrakman / Pixoto