April 9, 2014

Online Dating: 20 Ways to Spot Someone Who’s Wrong For Us. ~ Sherri Rosen

Online Dating

I’ve been online dating off and on for quite a number of years.

Through the experience, I’ve learned a lot—mainly, how to avoid wasting my time by understanding what I call the red-light signals to stay away and not bother. This saves me much wear and tear, and time spent on someone who is definitely not right for me.

It’s taken a long time of reading the signals, but I’ve finally got it and if I can help any woman or man who’s out there online dating, I want to.

Online dating is like the Wild Wild West.

One has to have awareness about what’s actually going on. These tips are appropriate for both men and women, and I sincerely hope they help:

1. If he/she has no photo up, how serious are they to meet someone? Most everyone has photos of themselves up.

2. Look at their profile carefully. If all they speak about is sex and you want more than just sex, they aren’t for you.

3. If they consistently spell incorrectly on their profile, is that impressive to you?

4. Don’t just text or email to get together, but speak on the phone. You may get a hit instantly that he/she is not for you.

5. Is the initial contact purely sexual? If you don’t want that, stay away. If you do, then you are headed in the right direction.

6. If he/she doesn’t want to meet for the first time in a public place.

7. If there is no chemistry.

8. If you see he/she hasn’t even read your profile and just looked at your photo.

9. If they are reluctant to talk about themselves on the phone.

10. If they are separated, be careful. Not always true, but maybe just wants to play around and then go back to significant other.

11. If what he/she puts in profile is different than what he/she shares with you. Are they lying?

12. Many people lie about their age online. Do you want to begin a relationship with a lie?

13. If they don’t put up any info on their profile, what does that say about them to you?

14. This may not be true for all dating sites, but a consider a site you have to pay for as opposed to a free site; will you find more people that are seeking what you want?

15. Find out when the photo was taken of this person? Is it recent or an old photo? (Old meaning photo was taken l0 or 20 years ago.)

16. If they contact you on Facebook and you are not seeking a date on Facebook. What’s up with that?

17. If they challenge you, is that exciting to you or does it scare you? Challenges can be exciting but make sure you are the kind of person that wants to be challenged.

18. If they make fun of your honesty and openness. Meaning, if you tell them about yourself, where you live, etc. and they make fun of it or become sarcastic.

19. If they don’t ask you one question about yourself, but are just constantly busy speaking about their life, their everything.

20. Listen to your intuition! If you are feeling a bad feeling in your body while they are talking, listen to it. It’s telling you something like—stay away!

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Apprentice Editor: Hannah Harris / Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: Pixoto

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Erin Jul 5, 2015 12:24pm

You spelled incorrectly on #2 and then mention in #3 that it’s “unimpressive” to do so in a profile…

Alex Jul 5, 2015 12:23pm

Online dating is a game. You gotta weed out all the jerks. I played the game for years. Some good dates, mostly bad. I decided to try a free site, and I met my Alex about 4 months in. We just merged together, the timimg was right and now we live together and have a nice normal life that I love. There are good ones out there in the online world. Alex and I got lucky.

Sherri Rosen Mar 22, 2015 3:10am

Elizabeth I try to speak to guys right away and not do a lot of email. Sometimes they are silent on the phone because they are shy. If it's excruciating then I would just forget about it, otherwise I try to meet them as soon as possible. Usually I can tell in person what they are like. Many inquiries to me online I don't even respond to because I just know it's a waste of time.
Discernment is key!

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Sherri Rosen

Sherri Rosen has had her own publicity firm in NYC for 15 years. She gives a powerful voice to people who are doing good things in the world. She writes her own weekly blog “Redhead’s Rap”, for The Good Men Project and Elephant Journal. You can friend her on Facebook and Twitter.