April 13, 2014

The Coachella Diet!

juice cleanse weight loss

“My hips could cut butter ritenow only I dont touch the stuff”

Beware: cleanses & juicing are often socially-acceptable forms of crash dieting: 

Read it: Is Cleansing the New Bulimia? 

Bonus: The 7 Types of People at Coachella (funnyordie.com)

“My friends and I have a running ‘joke’ about getting our #CoachellaBody ready. It basically means looking as hot as possible so we can wear as few clothes as possible with as much confidence as possible.”

This year introduced a new, risible entry to the cultural lexicon: “The Coachella Diet.”

Let’s remember: we’re hot when we’re healthy, and we’re happy when we’ve learned to accept ourselves. Dieting won’t help.

I VIP’d at Coachella a few years back, and reported on it extensively. While there’s nothing wrong with getting healthy and shedding winter weight before a trip, so to speak, let’s stick with moderation. You’re gonna need to be strong and healthy, inside out, if you’re going to have the energy to rock Coachella.

coachella yes

Vicodin, Bumps, Green tea, Juicing & Parliaments:

“There’s more competition style-wise now,” 22-year-old Kyla Rae, who will be headed to the fest for her seventh time, told the health blog Well + Good. “The number of Coachella virgins increases every year, and, if anything, they’re really into the image aspect.”

Indeed, in order to squeeze into the midriff-baring, boho-chic outfits (bikini top, denim/khaki booty shorts, floral headdress optional) favored by female Coachella attendees, many young, image-conscious women have taken to juicing, crash-dieting, or drastically increasing their workout regimens in the days leading up to the party in the desert. The Coachella Diet even has its ownTwitter handle, and just this year, Kirsten Potenza and Cristina Peerenboom, creators of the Pound Rockout Workout, introduced “Cut By Coachella,” a 30-day workout calendar for people headed to the fest with prizes for participants.

Thank god for the satirical twitter handle, reinjecting some perspective and humor into such seriously depressing “trends.” 

The Coachella Diet


Desert Bound

It’s so good. And, bad:

  1. Nobody can possibly hate me more than myself! RT ‏@StrawberryJusty Can’t tell if I love or hate @coachelladiet #coachella #coachelladiet

  2. Anyone know how many calories are in this Molly? #coachella #coachelladiet

  3. I’d suck so many dicks for just one bite of carbs right now #coachelladiet #coachella

  4. Just purchased size 0 jean shorts, a teeny bikini & an Indian headdress. Just need to fit in any of this by Friday #coachella #coachelladiet

  5.  Retweeted by The Coachella Diet

    I’ve reached a whole new form of desperate. #coachella

  6. I’m freezing. I’m starving. I’m bleeding to death. EVERYTHINGS FINE. #coachella #coachelladiet

  7. NOTHING stops a ride or die bitch from going! “Lindsay Lohan Might DIE If She Goes To #Coachella!” http://shar.es/dT7t3  via @PerezHilton

  8. Well….This Adderall isn’t going to snort itself #coachelladiet

  9. So, if you’re a fat chick & you go to Coachella, what’s the point? #coachelladiet

  10. So, if you’re a fat chick & you go to Coachella, what’s the point?

  11. Can I just survive on Parliaments and “bumps”? Or do I need to add more greens to my diet? #coachelladiet #coachella



 For more: Hipster Runoff:

The Molly Stand is gluten-free:

Read 12 Comments and Reply

Read 12 comments and reply

Top Contributors Latest

Elephant Journal  |  Contribution: 1,509,480