So You Dated a Girl Who Travels, Settled Down & Had Kids. Now What? ~ Caroline Mellor

Via Caroline Mellor
on May 21, 2014
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Mother

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You fell in love with her free spirit and the sparkle that lit up in her eyes every time you said: Let’s just go.

You were seduced by the way she smelled: of sweat and sea air, essential oils and sun cream. You watched the sunrise over the mountains together and lay beneath a blanket of stars by firelight in the desert. You swam in turquoise seas, lived in an old 1950s bus and made friends from all over the world.

You missed her when she disappeared for a few months at a time—but knew better than to try and stop her.

When you couldn’t get away in winter, you watched movies about faraway places and drank chai and Spanish wine and ate exotic food and fantasised about your next trip.

She thought she’d never be tied down.

She had too many adventures to go on, too many places to see, too many stories yet to be told. And yet, somewhere along the road, your hearts entertwined. Perhaps inevitably, you began to put down roots. You created a home together and grew a garden around it.

And then the most magical thing happened: you started a family.

And just like that, the rip cord marked Eject!, on which she’d kept one finger lightly resting all these years, vanished.

She learned a long time ago that life really is much, much too short for regrets. Besides, it’s not in her nature to look back. She’s more in love with life now than she’s ever been—and when she loves, she loves with every spark of fire in her being.

That’s not to say that, from time to time, she doesn’t question whether she’s wandered too far from her wild nature. She looks at old photos and sometimes wonders what happened to the girl with the tanned skin, the flat abs, the anklets and the golden glow of the sunset in her eyes.

Of course, she plans to travel with her children. Chances are they’ll grow up with their noses in many books and their toes in lots of different oceans.

And motherhood has in itself, without doubt, been the richest and most life-affirming journey she’s ever been on.

But for now at least, the spectacular privilege of being able to hop on a plane with a few clothes, a toothbrush and a passport, and emerge hours later in a different world, with different rules—to leave it all behind and just go—with no idea where she might end up, has been put aside.

Because babies and children don’t really work like that.

So she keeps the soul-flame alive by traveling any way she can: the inner journeyings of meditation, learning, reading, writing, dreaming. And she dreams of travel. With her children. With you. Alone. To the faraway or, at the very least, the elsewhere.

Disregard these dreams at your peril: they reside at her core and pull on the sinews of her heart.

She needs movement. Encourage her to sustain a yoga practice, to go swimming, to run, to dance. Without it she will turn to stone.

Go on family camping trips and listen with her to the sound of rain on the canvas. It takes her to monsoon in the jungle and springtime in the mountains.

Don’t bat an eyelid when she quietly slips off her sandals to walk barefoot through the park. And if she takes off her shoes at a wedding or in an ancient woodland, don’t bother asking why. She will never quite be able to reconcile being in a space she considers sacred with having her shoes on.

Hold her if, for some unfathomable reason, she grows desperately sad at the sight of raindrops on still water or if you catch her standing motionless among the spring blossom as it flutters down like snow.

Let her haggle in a completely inappropriate upmarket shop, and be surprised when, in a spirit of fair play and friendliness, she manages to shave a few pounds off the price.

Understand why she’s looking at flight deals online even when you’re struggling to pay household bills. Part of her needs to fly—even for pretend.

Climb hills. Visit beaches. Watch moonrises. She needs horizons like you need air.

And, as far as possible, travel. It will feed her spirit and enrich your whole family.

And if you can do all this and more, you will be rewarded with the rarest and most precious of creatures.

For she is capable of love without limits.

For she will pass on the breadth of her experience to your children and make each day with them a fantastic adventure.

For she has learned the wisdom that the real journey often starts when you stay in one place.

And above all, for she has chosen you to travel alongside her on the greatest trip of them all.

Just go with her.

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Apprentice Editor: Dana Gornall/Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo Credit: Flickr/Liana_Kyle

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About Caroline Mellor

Caroline Mellor lives close to the sea and the green hills of southern England with her daughter, cat, and husband-to-be. As well as being a mum, writer and massage therapist, she enjoys one-pot cookery, gardening, yoga and drinking red wine. When not partaking in one of the above, she is probably daydreaming about her next holiday. You can connect with Caroline through her blog.

Comments

56 Responses to “So You Dated a Girl Who Travels, Settled Down & Had Kids. Now What? ~ Caroline Mellor”

  1. yoli says:

    Beautiful <3

  2. bethany says:

    really beautiful. i feel you described me, though not yet settled <3

  3. Brought me to tears. Beautiful!

  4. zenbeard says:

    Love this. Beautiful writing 🙂

  5. Leigh says:

    Also tears.. wonderful

  6. eli twinks says:

    this touched me deeply. beautiful. thank you

  7. Shelby says:

    Absolutely beautiful piece of writing….(:

  8. mrst298 says:

    Oh this is just so so beautiful. It touched my soul and pulled at my heart! I feel like this definitely describes me! I love the idea of my children 'dipping their toes in many oceans' in the future! Thank you for this!

  9. Tiffany says:

    I’ve read this several times today, each time I’ve come to tears. Wonderfully written.

  10. alla says:

    Amazing!! Loved it <3

  11. Fabian Adami says:

    Umm can't this be true the other way around too? Babies might not come out of men, but the sentiment rings true…

  12. Akky says:

    This one perfectly describes my girl! 🙂

  13. Skye says:

    this too brought me to tears. Blessings to you from a kindred spirit xo

  14. carolinemellor2014 says:

    Thank you so much Yoli. I enjoy reading your posts too x

  15. carolinemellor2014 says:

    Thank you for reading and leaving such a lovely comment, Bethany. It means a lot to me x

  16. carolinemellor2014 says:

    I am touched by your kind words, Jacquelyn. Blessings x

  17. carolinemellor2014 says:

    Heartfelt thanks, Zenbeard! I am quite new to sharing my writing publicly so this really means a lot x

  18. carolinemellor2014 says:

    I am deeply touched by your kind words Leigh. Thank you so much x

  19. carolinemellor2014 says:

    Your words touch me deeply also Eli! Thank you so much for reading and commenting. Go well x

  20. carolinemellor2014 says:

    Huge thanks and blessings for your kind words, Shelby x

  21. carolinemellor2014 says:

    Thank you from my heart! Your kind words mean a huge amount to me. Go well x

  22. carolinemellor2014 says:

    I am honoured and moved by your comment. Thanks and blessings x

  23. carolinemellor2014 says:

    Thank you so much Alla! x

  24. carolinemellor2014 says:

    Yes, Fabian, absolutely it can apply to men and all wandering and restless spirits everywhere! I am simply writing from my own perspective as a woman and a mother. It was also partly inspired by another article titled '(Don't) Date a Girl Who Travels' which is written in a similar style, and is addressed to the partner of said 'Girl'. Thank you so much for reading and commenting; I am deeply touched that the sentiment rings true for you. Blessings x

  25. carolinemellor2014 says:

    Thanks for reading and commenting, Akky 🙂

  26. carolinemellor2014 says:

    I am deeply honoured by your kind words. Heartfelt thanks and blessings x

  27. Brianna says:

    Having a baby and helping to continue the overpopulation and overconsumption of the Earth is the most magical thing???

    Guess not much was learned during all that travel.

  28. fmoros says:

    It is really well written, very moving….

  29. Joachim says:

    Jip, that's pretty much the Type 7 of the Enneagram you descirbed there… But really well done!

  30. Gerry Ellen says:

    This is an amazing piece of art! Thank you for sharing your exquisite words. 🙂

  31. You capture the universal unencumbered "me before we" so perfectly. Makes me ponder the little ways I feed my own writer yogi soul during these love/hate years of necessary domestication. Thank you for the gift of your words. As others have said, they brought tears to my eyes.

  32. Victoria Erickson says:

    I am practically in tears. So beautiful. Thank you for speaking for us traveling souls <3

  33. Stephanie says:

    Absolutely fantastic and brought tears to my eyes. Beautiful read!

  34. carolinemellor2014 says:

    Thank you ! x

  35. carolinemellor2014 says:

    I hadn't heard of Enneagrams, but I'm glad you think the piece is well done! Kind thanks x

  36. carolinemellor2014 says:

    Thank you so much, Gerry. Warm wishes.

  37. carolinemellor2014 says:

    Thank you so much Monette, your kind words mean a lot to me. And I love how you describe "these love/hate years of necessary domestication" – yes! Warmest wishes x

  38. carolinemellor2014 says:

    Thank you so much Victoria, I am touched that the piece resonated with you x

  39. carolinemellor2014 says:

    Warmest thanks Stephanie! x

  40. Elaine Liban says:

    This is very beautifully written! Thank you for capturing my thoughts. I have read it many times but I still get teary-eyed. Recently, my husband and I traveled to Europe with our 3.5-yr old. We had planned this even before we settled down but establishing a family never really was a deterrent for us to do it. It made the experience different but enriching. I love the fact that you acknowledge how you much you love your children and I can't imagine how your life partner loves you so much too. (And, I also do the "looking at flight deals online…even for pretend". Hahaha)

  41. shantanu says:

    hi,

    my advice for this lady would be " dont marry. stay single, live your life. as you are not ready to carry burden of family. dont expect family to carry yours

  42. Kate Seichter says:

    My husband just sent me this on our 15th anniversary while I’m travelling in London from the US. I’m with my 2 boys ages 12 and 14. You just summed me up. Thank you

  43. Amy E says:

    Kids grown up? Time for having fun before the grandchildren come along. Life has many chapters.

  44. Zachary Ferzan says:

    Living in NY, I met my girlfriend while she was on a 6 month work study program in manhattan. Travel is her thing. After 3 months apart I just flew to England to meet her family for a month. We flew on to Thailand after for another month. I ran out of dough but she went on to finish Southeast Asia. Now I’m home working and at school, I won’t see her till Christmas time. We just had our one year anniversary on August 4th. This column is seething with truth. Fellas love your girl and want her to feel free. She deserves it.

  45. Jacqueline says:

    Travel is my career. I met my husband on a mini vacation in the Virgin Islands 27 years ago. I knew he was the one for me because of many signs but he was the first man I dated that didn't want me to quit my job as an international flight attendant. I was never going to stop traveling and he understood this about me. So I turned him into a world traveller with me. We married about a year later. We have 3 children who also have travel the world with us . They are now all college age and travel the world on their own. I just turned 50 this year and I'm starting to think about retirement. But I know I will travel until I'm just to old to do it any more.. It's in my bones and I can't imagine a life without travel and adventure. In fact I'm in Seoul Korea on a layover as I write this!

  46. carolinemellor2014 says:

    Thank you Elaine, I'm so pleased you like the piece. I look forward to enriching travels with my children too!

  47. carolinemellor2014 says:

    Thanks Kate! Warm wishes

  48. Anna says:

    This is so beautifully written it brought me to tears. Don’t have kids but settled down anyway with my love. It describes the feeling of being in the place you are meant to be and yet not so perfectly.

  49. carolinemellor2014 says:

    Thanks for reading and for your lovely comment Anna x

  50. Katie says:

    So beautiful and made me cry. I’m still really young, restless, and wild, and I always get sad and conflicted when I think about ever having to settle down, or stoping wandering. This is so sweet and makes me see the future a little brighter. Thank you.

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