I guess there are things recently that I might have handled better,
though if I had I may not have learned the valuable things I have.

Perhaps not all things for a reason,
more so something to be gleaned from all things.
I have learned that I cannot find the heart of myself in others,
I must and will and have begun to search inside.
What I might find in others is a reflection of me and a projection of them.

To finally accept that I am not as unlovable as I had imagined.
To realise the great things in life I dream I might just be capable of.
To understand that fear is not my enemy,
rather a friend that challenges complacency and comfort.
To know that the path that lies before me is mine,
I cannot measure others by their footsteps on my road.
This is mine alone to walk and yet not a lonely path to tread,
how can it be when the world refuses to let me believe I am alone?

And then there is the hope of Other.

Denied for so long under the guise of strength,
masking a fear of ‘less than’.

You are not worthy.
You are not worthy.
I do not deserve.

To say I wish differently is to utter regret,
and to regret would be to dishonour who I have become.

In this moment, I am a universe with bright stars and black holes,
deeper and vaster than ever conceived.

Therefore I will not wish,
for anything but your happiness,
and nothing less than mine.

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Apprentice Editor:  Yaisa Nio / Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: Pixoto / Va Sfak