What Hindsight Begets. ~ Sanki Tennakoon {Poem}

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woman alone night estranged

I guess there are things recently that I might have handled better,
though if I had I may not have learned the valuable things I have.

Perhaps not all things for a reason,
more so something to be gleaned from all things.
I have learned that I cannot find the heart of myself in others,
I must and will and have begun to search inside.
What I might find in others is a reflection of me and a projection of them.

To finally accept that I am not as unlovable as I had imagined.
To realise the great things in life I dream I might just be capable of.
To understand that fear is not my enemy,
rather a friend that challenges complacency and comfort.
To know that the path that lies before me is mine,
I cannot measure others by their footsteps on my road.
This is mine alone to walk and yet not a lonely path to tread,
how can it be when the world refuses to let me believe I am alone?

And then there is the hope of Other.

Denied for so long under the guise of strength,
masking a fear of ‘less than’.

You are not worthy.
You are not worthy.
I do not deserve.

To say I wish differently is to utter regret,
and to regret would be to dishonour who I have become.

In this moment, I am a universe with bright stars and black holes,
deeper and vaster than ever conceived.

Therefore I will not wish,
for anything but your happiness,
and nothing less than mine.

 

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Apprentice Editor:  Yaisa Nio / Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: Pixoto / Va Sfak

 

The Elephant Ecosystem

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Sanki Tennakoon

Sanki Tennakoon sits somewhere left of the centre way down in Oz. When not wrestling with her brain to pipe down whilst trying to sleep she dabbles in writing, illustrating and ruminating on why things happen as they do, why the world might be as it is and where she sits in amongst it all. To distract her from these pursuits she practices yoga and finds no greater company than cheesy sci-fi entertainment and a cup of tea.

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