Warning: naughty language ahead!

I want you to love me. I want to be good enough.

I have spent nearly all of my life painstakingly seeking approval and validation from those closest to my heart.

I have failed, time and time again, to take the journey inward and hear what it is my soul has been screaming—simply because I have longed for the idea of being fully embraced and accepted by another.

I know what it’s like to be deaf and blind to that inner knowing that we all possess.

Repeatedly have I denied the songs of my heart because of the possibility it wouldn’t be good enough, respected enough, worthy enough, noticed enough, strong enough, perfect enough…enough, enough, enough!

What the fuck does good enough even mean? 

And for the love of Christ, who am I trying to be ‘good enough’ for?

Who is it that I must prove myself to in order to conform to some standard of “satisfactory” that doesn’t actually exist in reality?

The image of perfection is an illusion that creates extreme suffering, confusion, suffocation and one hell of a heart-ache that I no longer choose to participate in.

The cycle of searching for a fictitious, illusory idea of significance and magnitude is self-torture, self-destruction and stands in complete opposition to my take on the purpose of life.

Why are we walking this magical earth? Will our existence be defined by restriction or liberation?

We decide!

This life is a direct reflection of the way I choose to view myself and others, think about myself and others and treat myself and others.

From this moment moving forward I am consciously setting the intention to be boundless and absolutely free from my self-imposed limitations so that I may live a life of happiness and love.

It’s time to heal and become “un-struck.”

For the first time in twenty-seven years I am ready to stand firmly, plant my feet deeply without budging and immerse myself fully in my truth, my power, my awesome-ness, and my light.

I’ve been exhausted in this process of endlessly, tirelessly, uselessly searching to no avail.

I am finished with desperately longing for approval and aspiring to satisfy everyone else’s views of who they think I should be and what they think I should do with the precious life I’ve been gifted with.

Mark my words… there is no possibility of self-actualization, happiness or freedom if I am unable to provide for myself all that I desire, bursting from that strangely familiar voice within.

That strangely familiar voice is my soul, dying to be heard.

Remove the blinders, the earplugs and the façade and trust!

Some may say that I’m living in a fantasy world and to that I say, ‘I am living my dream’. I know my perfect recipe for happiness better than anyone else.

My priority has shifted from striving for everyone else’s love and affection to wholly loving, embracing and radically accepting myself for every cell that creates my being.

I am finally wrapping my arms in love around my body, my laughter, my wild and crazy ideas, my idealism, my passion, my brilliance and pursuing my magnificence.

I’m stepping away from wanting to be good enough for someone else, and moving towards becoming more magical and incredible than I ever imagined possible.

I’m choosing to take ownership for creating the life I so desire because it feels fucking amazing and it no longer bothers me whether or not it’s suitable for someone else’s expectations.

My life is in my hands and I will play the key role in shaping it based on my fancy, fierce, soul-fulfilling dreams.

It is with this intention that these visions are coming to fruition one after another, day after day, and I have never been happier or more at peace in my life.

This life is my stage and I will dance upon it wildly and in accordance with my heart’s deepest desires and my passion for fully experiencing every moment.

 

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Editor Apprentice: Emma Ruffin / Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photos: Theen Moy/Flickr