August 29, 2014

Dear Spider in My Shower. ~ Betsy Butterick


Dear spider in my shower,

Okay. Here’s the deal. This may sound weird given my torrid past with some of your cousins, but—you can totally stay in that ceiling corner. Your stay is contingent upon a few ground rules, however:

1. You may stay in that corner. Or, the one to the left, but that’s it. If at any point I find you somewhere else (or can’t find you at all) that will trigger a breach of contract.

2. Any sudden downward movement will result in immediate use of the removable shower head.

Sorry in advance…

3. If you no longer like the shower and want to move elsewhere please come halfway down the wall and hold.

I will go get the “spider cup”—empty feta container—and you can get in and I will gladly transport you outside.

4. It’s a small apartment, so please don’t invite any of your friends over. If you want to be social, see rule number three above and you can meet your pals outside.

Again, I sincerely hope we can make this work and co-exist peacefully. I’ll try if you try.




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Apprentice Editor: Bronwyn Petry / Editor: Emily Bartran
Photo: Jhayne, Flickr Creative Commons

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Betsy Butterick