The Difference between being Held by a Masculine man vs. a Feminine man: The Second Hug

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via morgueFile

I was in Divine Feminine heaven.

[Editor’s note: Read Part One here.]

Once at the dance, I decided to ask someone else I knew to try the bear hug exercise. I had only meant to try it with one man, but I liked the feelings it brought up in me.

I liked how it had turned my brain and heart inside out. It made me rethink so many things I had thought I was certain about—about men, about myself.

I went through my brief explanation again, handing this other man my card, being careful not to say too much.

He said of course, like it was a given, and I was once again stunned by this. I felt his energy become more focused in preparation for the task.

He read the card and very carefully placed his arms around me and hugged me tight, firm. Being an experienced dancer, he very creatively lifted me up, even though I am almost as tall as he. He growled, set me down and said his lines.

Once again, it was amazing.

It brought tears to my eyes again to experience such power used with such tenderness. His energy was gentle and focused, kind, considerate, respectful.

Then he looked at me and asked two beautiful questions, “Was that okay? Did it freak you out?” I was once again overwhelmed at the care a man was showing me while remaining in his masculine-dominant energy.

No, I was far from being freaked out, rather, just the opposite. I was in Divine Feminine heaven.

Both men very carefully placed their arms under mine to hug me—very determinedly, but still very carefully and respectfully. Earlier in the day, when Steve sent me this homework, I imagined the hug as being over the top of my arms, pinning my arms to my sides like a straightjacket. Why would that come to mind?

I don’t know, all I know is neither of these men even considered that option. They went under my arms.

And I am actually not a lightweight. I am tall for a woman, and I work out a lot. I weigh more than I have ever weighed in my life while simultaneously wearing the smallest clothing size I have ever worn. For me, I am substantial. Therefore, I was genuinely surprised when they were able to lift me.

Both hugs evoked such surprise—and delight—in me.

I have been in relationships. I have been hugged. I exchange hugs with all of my friends upon meeting and parting; I have had lovers hug me.

But not like this. This was entirely different.

It was different because I have predominately operated from masculine energy most of my life. Therefore, because of how masculine and feminine polarize each other, it is a fact that I would only attract passive men operating mostly from their feminine energy.

So as an adult, a man who is very strongly masculine has never held me. I have only experienced being held by passive men, and one could argue that the reason they expressed gentleness was because of that passivity, not because they were actually taking care of me.

These hugs were tender and forceful at the same time. I felt the difference immediately from anything else I’ve ever experienced.

These two men were entirely masculine and focused and on a mission to help me. I called up their masculine side by staying in feminine energy and asking for their assistance. They then gifted me with the strength, assistance and focus of the masculine. I answered and reciprocated that gift by remaining in my feminine energy.

Amazing how that works.

I know this may not be news to women who have always operated from feminine energy. I’m sure you already know what this feels like—maybe you have never experienced a passive/feminine hug from a man.

But it was news to me, and it was amazing.

With neither hug did I initiate anything. I let them begin—deliberately. I want and need to learn to trust men, and to trust myself.

And neither one asked me how I wanted it done either (which I loved), instead, they were so firmly in the masculine, that they did the natural thing a masculine man does when a woman asks for his help and trusts him enough to allow him to do it his way:  He simply takes care of it.

They did a beautiful job.

And how brave, to take such a weird request from me! I am honored by their trust. They both treated the request with such respect, keeping it real and vulnerable. And they both said, “If you need more hugs, I’m your man.”

Something I plan to take both of them up on.

Gentlemen, I thank you both from the very middle, meaty part of my heart. Thank you for your trust in me. Thanks for gifting me, helping me, work through my crap into healing. Thanks for just being your regular, whole-hearted, masculine self, so that you took such exceptional care of me in those few, brilliant seconds.

Steve‘s reaction when I told him the results of my homework?

“Damn, girl!
 I had no idea (maybe a little) how that might turn out for you, but I’m smiling ear to ear for you. I would love to interview those guys to find out exactly how it affected them. You gave them a huge gift by allowing them to experience that, to help you, and to help them see something in themselves they might not have known about. I wonder how many other women in their lives are getting bear hugs today.”

Ladies, what are you waiting on? I recommend you try this; you’ll love it. Think about giving the men in your life this gift.

Men, couldn’t all the women in your life use a big, sweet bear hug? Think about giving them this gift.

Heal on.

 

 

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Editor: Travis May

Photo: MorgueFile

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Grace Cooley

Grace Cooley is a Certified Hypnotherapist and Registered Psychotherapist in Ft. Collins, CO, USA. She sees clients and facilitates Divine Feminine Hypnotherapy workshops for women. She’s a flaming, Earth-loving, tree-hugging, save-the-Planet, believes-in-faeries, bike-riding, card-carrying, spiritual-but-not-religious, hippie cowgirl liberal poet—yep, they do exist. You can find her blog here and her creations here. You can also connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.

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anonymous Aug 25, 2014 10:25pm

"I have only experienced being held by passive men, and one could argue that the reason they expressed gentleness was because of that passivity, not because they were actually taking care of me." OK, as a non-passive male, I am not going to let you get away with this BS. Who are you to judge whether they are "passive" or not? Possibly they were just ordinary guys that were not "received" by you for whatever reason you rejected them. So some stranger can (on cue) pick you up and growl and you are putty in his arms!? "These two men were entirely masculine and focused and on a mission to help me." Do you realize how narcissistic that is? Maybe if they hit you on the head with a club you would feel even more malleable? Do you realise how sexist this whole "divine feminine heaven" is and how it relegates men to worshiping and pleasing you, just because you're a female? No, men are not here for your pleasure (or healing, etc.) any more than women are here for ours. Work on yourself and work with other women to become a fulfilled female and then seek a partner. Men don't need additional burdens and we can't fix your problems for you.

    anonymous Aug 26, 2014 12:52pm

    ha ha you tried logic with a feminist. Ha ha.

    anonymous Aug 27, 2014 1:24pm

    I do happen to believe we are all here to heal ourselves and each other – no matter what our gender. And giving and receiving the gifts of masculine/ feminine are a part of that healing, in my (admittedly, limited) opinion. This is healing and love that is given and received by both parties in a vulnerable, whole-hearted manner, willingly.

    If, on the other proverbial hand, you do not wish to participate at that level, that, of course, is your prerogative. And I absolutely wish you well – no matter what route you take to your own healing and helping those around you heal – or not. I think it is lovely that there is room for us all.