Student: It’s too hot in hot yoga class.
Teacher: It’s actually Warm Yoga
and it’s 82 degrees. Hot Yoga is usually
Student: I’m sweaty. I never sweat
in my Hot Yoga class.
Look, I’m practically sticky!
Speaking of which—and I’m not a complainer—
your sticky mats aren’t sticky at all.
They’re slippery mats
And you have too many people in class. I like
room to move.
What is the thing painted on the wall? It’s weird,
like a wild animal.
Teacher: They are the Chakras.
Student: Too many colors.
Where I come from we’d think
that’s scary and not peaceful.
Why did you talk a different language?
Teacher: Those are the name of the poses in Sanskrit.
Student: It was disturbing—at least it distracted
me from the music. We’re American. We should
be proud of our language and our music.
I know we’re in California and all but still.
If I come back can we put on American music?
Country would get us moving.
Student: You don’t dance at all in class?
No getting down, huh?
And what about iced-chai breaks—you said
in class we could take some sips of water
but don’t you think lattes are more
modern? Yoga’s modern, hip.
I think if Jesus were alive today doing yoga
he’d have us all take a few breaks for lattes
and some Miranda Lambert.
Yoga shouldn’t be so quiet and deep and
Love elephant and want to go steady?
Editor: Travis May
Photo: Pixoto/David Lackey