Some people are just dick-bag assholes. I live in a town of assholes. Boulder, Colorado has its own unique brand of jerkfaces.
If you hate rants, stop reading.
If you understand what it is like to never say what you really mean and live in a culture of people who do the same, I’m writing this for you.
By trade I’m a psychotherapist. That is what I’ve spent the last decade training myself to do. In reality, I am a translator of subtle languages including talking to dead people. Some say, “Rebekah, you have a gift.”
And yes, I am going to make this article about me. So, if you are tired of narcissistic self-aggrandized bloggers; stop reading. If you strain to get your point across in a landscape full of bull-shit I’m about to set off a methane bomb. Let’s clear the shit out!
First, let’s talk about adulthood.
It is hard work to live up to the formula: get an education, buy a home, make good money, get married and start a family. Convention is a brutal force. My family has made sure to pass on the message, “If you are not paying your bills in full with a savings account, you are not worth very much.” So, according to convention I am a worthless thirty-something yet to be validated or legitimized by conforming.
And, I do conform. I work my ass off to pay my bills, to set an example and to love with my whole heart even when the relationship goes to shit. I believe in marriage and fidelity. And I think the way we go about relationships—ever guarded against getting hurt—is stupid.
It is easy to esteem the wedding and forget the vows.
Weddings are an act of vanity. The marriage part is right on the mark if you are serious about commitment. But, weddings are a load of shit. I’m not talking about all weddings, I am talking about the ones on the TLC, Bravo and the Travel Channel. I’m talking about people who get married for the third time because it is “right” in the eyes of God. Nope.
There is a point in life where the best anyone can do is stop lying to themselves about the person they are going to be and just embrace the person they are. Some people suck at being in a relationship (because they suck at communication).
That brings me to the core of my rant—relationships.
They drive the human race; the human marathon. Relationships are like money. They are inert in and of themselves. And like money, when you add emotion to it or expectation paired with bad communication, the result is a bunch of WTF!
The point is that people in Boulder twist language into an incoherent bog laced with spiritual metaphor and psychobabble. I want this or I don’t want that has been traded for, “My boundaries are…” The simplistic speak of the layman is buried under the bloated speak learned in twenty different seminars on manifestation.
We are not better people for having advanced language. We, me included, are pretentious dicks.
Being an adult is tiring. It isn’t innocent. It isn’t simple. It takes more effort than one person is capable of. That is why we drink, caffeinate, do uppers, do downers and spend a shit ton on anti-depressants. These things are all ready-made life-rafts. They help to a certain degree.
But, you know what does not help? Evasive and complex communication.
Just fucking say it like it is. Be blunt.
Lying to someone is worse than hurting someone’s feelings. If you hurt someone it gives them a chance to own their experience—shit I am doing it. The therapist speak has permeated my being.
Let’s keep it simple. Just be honest and expect others to be honest with you. Solicit advice when you are open to receive it and if you are not, say so. Come to each day 100 percent you because you won’t be you tomorrow or yesterday. Those you’s don’t exist beyond the realm of imagination. And ain’t noth’n wrong with a little day-dreaming. That too is an adult life-raft.
Simply, don’t talk if you are not clear. If you can’t be honest, learn how. Learn it until you can be it.
I love the saying, “Good things happen in the end and if good things are not happening, it is not the end.” Liken to this I say, “Wait to talk until you are clear and if you are not clear say that.”
The greatest gift we have is our ability to communicate. All I am asking is for it not to go to waste.
*Authors note: If you are struggling to communicate, I am a trained expert that will help you say what needs to be said even if that means saying, “Fuck you!”
And one more…
Love elephant and want to go steady?
Editor: Catherine Monkman