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September 9, 2014

Dear Yoga: Thank you for Saving my Life.

Photo: Emma Larkins via Flickr

I write this with eyes watery, hands shaky but heart wide open.

Dear yoga,

Thank you. Thank you for always being there for me. Any time, any day. Any country, any city, any place. Night. Day. Whenever. Wherever. How ever. Thank you.

I just heard that an old friend has taken his life.

Without thought I turn to you. I roll out my mat, take my seat and close my eyes.

I think about the last times him and I spoke, our most recent conversations. It was so real, so raw, so honest.

You know those conversations that are both dark and intense, yet inspirational. Those conversations that cut through the bullshit and get right to the real stuff. Those conversations that brings what really matters to the surface.Those conversations that remind you that anything imaginable you are going through, you are not going through it alone…

Yoga, because of your wise yet gentle teachings, there has been so much healing as well as an abundance of mind-blowing transformation in my life. I can’t even imagine where I’d be or what I’d be doing with out you!

You are the creative, passionate partner who helps me unlearn just as much as I learn.

I’m so grateful that we bumped into each other all those years ago and formed an intimate, loving, ever lasting bond.

I love that I get to share the magic that you showed me with others. You helped me view this world (now) as a vibrating, pulsing, overwhelmingly beautiful place. A place bursting at the seems with potential, with magic, with love.

Yoga, as you know, this was not always the case. Do you remember how I was when we first met?

I wasn’t feeling to well about myself or this life. I was experiencing intervals of life-numbing depression. Pessimism, doubt, fear, and anxiety fueled my thoughts and actions. They guided the way in which I was living and shaped the way I viewed this world.

That was such a strange experience for me. Strange in the sense that I felt I couldn’t explain it to anyone but you.

I know depression is different for everyone. It is a subjective experience after all. But for me everything became so gray, painfully dull, life less, pointless. It was such a big part of my life. I felt as if it was consuming my life. At the time it wasn’t even possible to imagine a life without it.

But as you and I began to spend more time together, you showed me the possibilities of life with out this heavy weight that I’d been dragging around with me for all this time.

Moments before I heard this news about my friend I was basking in the sparkly, magical, glowing, rainbow of this life.

But now my heart feels heavy. I feel as if a grey cloud and bone chilling wind take its place.

The difference from a few years back and this moment is that I now know right behind that cloud is a powerful, bright light, eager to come through. A light that warms me up, nourishes my friends and family and shines on every other human being on this planet.

A light that is eternally there. A light that for some is so obvious and for others disguised behind the clouds. A light that shines on us as well as through us. A light that lifts us up and nourishes our soul. A light that my friend has now merged with. A light that wouldn’t be so light with out the darkness. Just as the sweet not as sweet with out the sour.

A light that you, yoga, gently moved the clouds for to uncover.

Before we met, I was always living in my mind and not at all in my body. Struggling with depression and anxiety.

Yoga, you helped me see that we are not here to struggle, to suffer. We are not here to endure life or to muscle our way through it. I feel we are here to feel love, to be love, to feel joy and to have a harmonious experience through out this precious time on this planet.

It’s easier said then done, of course. But that’s where your medicinal teachings, the limbs of yoga, lovingly comes in.

You helped me release blocks, peel off the layers, unlearn and catch glimpses of that light.

The light we came from, the light that we’re all made out of. The light made from love, for love.

Yoga, you allow for it all; anger, sadness, happiness, anxiousness, depression, confusion.

You allow all my bits, you accept me in totality. You helped widen the gaps between those uncomfortable feelings and allowed them to eventually dissolve. You showed me the practice of being the witness, of simply observing myself with out judgment. You showed my the power of presence, of fully inhabiting my body and letting go of the mind.

Thank you for being a friend, a teacher and a mirror. Thank you for showing up in my life.

You are safe place. A healing place. A life saviour.

My love and gratitude for you is eternal,

xoxo

Alexa

 

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Photo: Emma Larkins / Flickr

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