I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, “The man goes on top and the woman underneath.” For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds.
~ Joan Rivers
One of the best ways to ensure a healthy sex life is to experiment with different sex positions. After all, variety is the spice of life.
Think of it this way: we may love lasagna, but we wouldn’t want to eat it every night. By trying new ways to please our lovers, we bring excitement to our relationships as well as our sex lives.
In fact, possessing a colorful repertoire of sexual positions is a goal of many lovers. Perhaps you’re the kind of lover who likes to change things up every time you make love. Certainly not everyone feels this way.
There are those of us who’ve found tried-and-true methods and believe it’s best not to mess with a good thing. Either way (or any way in between) broadening our knowledge of sexual positions isn’t a bad thing.
So, what happens if you find a position or two you’d like to try but don’t quite know how to work it into your current sex life? Read on.
Variety is the Spice of Your Sex Life
It happens in nearly every relationship: The passion dies…or at least dies down.
For many couples, this signifies the beginning of the end. But it doesn’t have to! Sometimes throwing a wrench into the machinery of our sex life is all that’s needed.
Try making love in a different room of the house. If possible, get away for the weekend. You don’t have to go far. Why not play tourist in your own town? Rent a hotel room or book a bed and breakfast. Even just changing the time of day we choose to make love can rejuvenate a once-vibrant love life.
It could be that all that’s needed is to learn a few new sexual positions. There are plenty of books and videos on the market that are helpful and informative. Both are wonderful tools for discovering different avenues eager partners can take in lovemaking.
We don’t necessarily need to look for the hottest book on the bestsellers’ list, either. Some guides, like The Kama Sutra, have been around for thousands of years.
Contrary to popular belief, the ancient Indian book, The Kama Sutra, (or Aphorisms on Love) was not intended as a sex manual. The writings on sexual union were only a portion of the books deeper message of spiritual wholeness.
Today, we view The Kama Sutra as a kind of “how-to” book for exotic lovemaking positions. True, the book does offer manipulations of sexual union that are guaranteed to change up the normal routine of man-on-top/woman-on-top. Let’s not forget, however, the deeper message of The Kama Sutra—and indeed the point of all sexual intimacy we share with our partners—that two human beings are coming together to communicate love with their bodies. Any new sexual position you try isn’t simply a trick to keep love alive, it’s also a fresh way to communicate with your partner.
Exercise: The Sandwich Method
Let’s assume there’s a sexual position (or three) that that you’d like to try with your partner. How do you incorporate them into your sexual routine without making it seem like you’re trying too hard?
Sadly, that’s the catch-22 about why many couples are reluctant to try new things: some think that making changes to your sex life means that the sex wasn’t good in the first place. One or both partners subsequently feel dejected, and as a result the sex life becomes even more stressed.
However, there is a way to invigorate your sexual repertoire without sending up red flags. It’s simple: one position at a time gets integrated—or “sandwiched”—effortlessly into your usual, comfortable sexual routine.
Here’s how The Sandwich Method works:
- Choose one of the positions you’ve been dying to try out. (Try something simple to start so neither of you have to be be as limber as a cast member of Cirque du Soleil. Unless you are a cast member of Cirque du Soleil. In which case, have at it.)
- Begin to make love as you normally do.
- At some point, depending on whether you’ve chosen a male-on-top or female-on-top variation, the dominant partner should initiate the shift into the variation.
- Be sure to return to a familiar position to transition out of the newer one.
Since you’ve both agreed on the new position you will try, the non-initiating partner should be aware of what is happening once the shift occurs.
Go slowly and remember to have fun with the new adventure. If it doesn’t work the first time, keep trying. And if in the end you decide that position doesn’t work for you both, so what? Keep in mind why you’re doing this in the first place: to enrich the sex that you share together.
Journal Topic Suggestion
Make some notes about the exercise. What worked? What didn’t? What might you like to try in the future?
Love elephant and want to go steady?
Editor: Emma Ruffin