“I should…”

How many times have you uttered this word today? I have probably thought or spoken it half a dozen times in the past hour alone.

“Should” is a modal. A modal is an irregular, auxiliary verb that provides additional information about the main verb. Modals suggest the mood of the verb.

A modal like “should,” however, reeks of judgment.

Judgments are simply conclusions based on opinions. The evaluative nature of judgments are generally condemning and critical. A judge renders a verdict (or judgment) that speaks to the guilt of a defendant.

There is nothing innately wrong with opinions: they reflect our beliefs, viewpoints and attitudes toward just about everything in the universe. In the defendant’s case, however, that’s one hell of a life altering opinion.

If it were possible to drown in shoulds, I would’ve sunk to the depths of that sea a long, long time ago.

I imagine this sea of “shoulds” would be filled with thousands or maybe even millions of bits of paper. On each piece of paper what looks like a suggestion is written. To some, they are merely recommendations or perhaps half assed wishes, but to me they are more like do-or-die directives.

One at a time I unfold these scraps of paper and read what they say:

You should…

settle down
save money for the future
get out and be more social
eat healthier and more organically
work out
meditate
read more
study
practice yoga with greater frequency
volunteer
etc, etc, etc.

With each directive that flashes through my mind, I feel myself shrink a little bit.

The muscles in my neck twitch, my shoulders tighten, a knot forms in my stomach, my foot bounces in place, and my eyebrows furrow. I tell myself I shouldn’t furrow my brow because I’ll get wrinkles. As I think it, it is written on a scrap of paper which falls softly into the sea of shoulds.

In the wake of all these shoulds, I come to some harsh conclusions about myself. These judgments chip away at my soul. The message you are not worthy flies over the sea of shoulds like those advertising banners that trail behind airplanes over stadiums.

F*ck that.

So I don’t meditate, or read as much as I like, or volunteer or any of those other things on my very abbreviated list of shoulds. Nor am I defendant awaiting a verdict—the only judgment that should be condemning or overly critical.

That I don’t always do as I “should” doesn’t make me any less of a person.

Instead of should, I need to operate with a different modal verb like “can.”

I can….

settle down
save money for the future
get out and be more social
eat healthier and more organically
work out
meditate
read more
study
practice yoga with greater frequency
volunteer
etc, etc, etc.

There is so much more optimism and possibility with just that one simple substitution. Instead of do-or-die directives, I now have a list of goals.

Should the f*ck up. I can.

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Editor: Emily Bartran

Photo: sookie/Flickr