Confused. Disregarded. Unfortunate. Bemused.
Not the average Joe.
I was sorry, yet got dismissed long ago.
Am slippery inside where destruction brews.
It’s not what I choose.
It all makes sense.
But it’s not what I want.
So much resent.
Not what I thought.
Unfulfilled. Incomplete. Dissatisfied. Alone.
Without a real home?
With or without.
Without love, without a doubt.
Wrapped around everything and beginning to rot.
Yet, you don’t seem to taste my bitterness.
It shrivels beneath all of this.
Taking it back to the blood on the wall.
[embraces the strength and grows tall]
Far deeper past anyone that had witnessed.
When I put “parents” on my wishlist.
Throwing an object or objective debate.
Always ending with a broken plate.
Or the phone?
Or a plant pot will do.
Anything to tear away from the anger.
Not an admired face, violent stranger.
Searching yet escaping my safety.
It goes in, but gets pushed away.
Suppressed sugar coated suicide.
Depression dusted over on the inside.
Whispering success to self for not crying.
Only my own nails will be scarring.
Screaming at forgiveness for haunting.
I have nothing to give except giving in.
Out of excuses inside my pride.
Wrapped up with wishes and stamped denied.
Love elephant and want to go steady?
Editor: Catherine Monkman
Photo: Daisy Parker