Recently I had a realization about why it’s so easy to sometimes lose balance, get sucked into other people’s energy dramas or disconnect from our own inner guidance and wisdom.
A dear friend introduced me to the concept of the blue ball of energy that resides inside everyone. This blue ball is our center of truth and personal power. Whenever these dramas play out, or we forget the truth of who we are, it’s because we have lost our blue ball—or most probably given it away.
Sometimes when we have given our own blue ball away, we try and steal other people’s blue balls—or in other words, we steal their energy in order to try to feel whole or secure again. Because when we have lost our blue ball we feel off center, unstable and unbalanced.
The reason I love the blue ball analogy is because it’s so easy to visualize. Which makes it even easier to recognize and become aware of these energy struggles in our relationships and ourselves. For me, it has become very simple to connect to myself to see if my blue ball is “within” me or if I have given it away. Similarly I can easily see when I am trying to steal the blue ball of others. This type of visual analogy is exceptionally helpful, especially when we get into a heated conflict.
Have you noticed that when you have an argument with someone, that most of the time both people are trying to steal each other’s energy? You can often even physically feel this. Reacting out of anger, for example, comes through giving away our blue ball to another person. We are allowing the person to trigger us and create a reaction, and consequently destabilize our own inner harmony and peace.
This means that we have given the other person our blue ball as they are now controlling our emotions and reactions. Well they aren’t really controlling them, as all our reactions and behaviours are within our own power and choice. But in essence we are allowing them to have an effect on us because we have given our blue ball, or energy center, away to them.
Similarly, when we feel that we want to control a situation or person, even in the mildest way—we are trying to take away their blue ball. Control is a form of power, and we generally want this power in order to feel safe and secure. Unfortunately though instead of connecting to our own blue ball, which is ever reliable, solid and secure—we try to steal the energies of others. This rarely, if ever, works because controlling another person does not bring us the result or feeling we want. Deep within us we know that the source of energy is not ours. It is not our power, thus it is weak and unstable.
When you deny yourself your own power, all you’re left with is your manipulation and control.
Remaining connected to our blue ball means becoming one with our deepest truth and desires. Since becoming aware of this blue ball analogy, I have noticed that many times per day I am actually succumbing to the truth and desires of other people—and not my own. This has been happening unconsciously for so long that it has become a habit that I wasn’t even aware of until recently. I find that we often go along with what others want or expect of us instead of rocking the boat, risking being unpopular but standing for what we believe in. Over time this disconnection from our own integrity erodes away within us until eventually we know longer recognize ourselves.
The desire for sex is a really obvious example that I am sure so many women can relate to. How many times have you lay in bed, and initiated sex because you a) want attention, b) feel insecure, c) feel like you should? None of these scenarios however are in any way connected to the truth of who you are and your real desires. If you want attention for example, a “blue ball” reaction could be to simply ask to spend some time together, talking, hugging or whatever you feel like doing. If you are feeling insecure, a “blue ball” reaction could be to self-question and analyze exactly why (and whom) is feeling insecure. If you are initiating sex out of some sort of obligation, then you are clearly putting your partners needs above your own.
On the other hand, sometimes we withhold from asking for what we really want for fear of rejection. Being centered within our truth and coming from the place of our blue ball also means having the courage to voice who we are and what we want. And most importantly, having the grace and dignity to accept the answer. Because we have to be able to do both. If we can’t accept the answer but instead try to control, then that is when we are trying to steal the blue ball from the other person.
We must have the dignity to connect to our own blue ball and allow others to remain connected to theirs also. This is the power and beauty of conscious relating. Of course its not always easy, but the visual aid of the blue ball can be extremely helpful, I know it has been for me. Becoming aware of our behaviours is much easier when we have something visual to link it to.
Love elephant and want to go steady?
Editor: Travis May
Photo: Wiki Commons