I struggled to get out of bed when that 5:30 a.m. alarm went off.
My yoga mat was waiting for me, yet I couldn’t face what emotional turmoil it would put me through.
I felt stuck, alone and completely lost all at the same time.
I couldn’t trust my own mind; I couldn’t trust my own body. I just wanted out, but I knew it was too late to go back and I had no idea how to move forward.
It was about six months into my Ashtanga yoga teacher training that I realized I needed a bit of help. I needed some support—I felt I was going around in circles in my head and my body refused to go deeper into yoga poses.
With the guidance of my yoga teacher, I found what I was looking for. I found support in a small dropper bottle.
Working with flower essences took my transformation to a whole new level—it helped me release unnecessary emotions and grief that I never knew I carried.
The emotions that had arisen through my yoga practice had completely and utterly overwhelmed me and I didn’t feel like I was strong enough to face them. I started to identify with them, which just created something even worse.
Flower essences saved me during that time. However, it wasn’t all sunshine and happiness. Before I started feeling a bit of peace, I went through some even darker times, as past experiences I thought I’d forgotten resurfaced out of nowhere. It was scary at times, but I was able to face these experiences and deal with these emotions because I felt supported by the flower essences. I was able to see past the darkness and realize that I was safe in my own head; I could trust myself.
My first mix was basically a rescue remedy concoction: The Cherry Plum helped me with my fear of losing control, Rock Rose helped with terror and Clematis for the fogginess in my head. Angelica was used to help me feel as if I was protected and Star Tulip to help me hear my “greater self,” particularly during meditation.
This mix was the first of many that I have taken over the last 15 months or so, and it eased me into the process in a beautiful and gentle way.
I then moved onto flowers that stirred me in ways I had not expected.
Agrimony helps to acknowledge emotional pain instead of covering it up or behaving as if everything is okay. Pink Monkey Flower supports us to move toward greater courage in taking emotional risks with people. Aspen helps us deal with fears and worries. It is for very sensitive people, like myself, who pick up every undercurrent whether they realize it or not. It helps to build a sense of trust, that everything will be ok and that we can cope with the unknown.
These flowers and many more of the essences enabled me to release the negativity and pain that had been stored in my physical and emotional body for too long.
Sometimes, on this yoga and spiritual journey, you feel as if you’ve crashed against a solid brick wall. There is nowhere to go, but you know you can’t go back as you’ve seen the truth and there is nothing you’d want to go back to.
The flower essences supported my personal growth, they supported me as I dealt with these emotions by giving me a feeling a safety. Each time I went back for a new mix, new issues would arise, and at times I thought it would never end.
It still hasn’t ended, but now I realize that’s okay. The gaps between needing a new mix gets bigger every time, and sometimes it’s just a dream that stirs me up, or a memory of a forgotten traumatic event that surfaces during a yoga practice. Sometimes it’s just a feeling that I can’t explain and want to get to the bottom of.
Healing takes time, but I know that I’m on the right track. I can see the difference between myself now and that person who started the healing journey 15 months ago.
I know now that I have the strength to keep going forward, to keep releasing what needs to be released.
I know now that it was me who did the healing, rather than the flower essences, but without them the process would have been much slower, and I might still be a prisoner of my own mind.
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Editor: Emily Bartran