I’m a writer; I’m turned on by some seemingly strange things like alliteration, or a well-placed oxymoron momentarily melting opposites into perfect union.
Sure I like flowers and hearts, but when it comes to the bedroom, there are a few things that light me up that don’t always fall within standard-page margins.
My artsy female friends agree that their creative cravings often spill into their sex lives, but go unquenched.
So, if you happen to find yourself with a woman who comes alive from creating, check this out. (And, honestly, we’re all artists, so even if she’s an accountant whose favorite color is beige, she may appreciate a thing or two mentioned below.)
1) I mentioned that I’m a huge fan of oxymora.
In music, in fashion, in poetry, the fusion of opposites is, well, awfully good.
Floral combat boots. Dub-step Moonlight Sonata. Not only is the fusion of opposites sexy, but the tension trembling between the two is intrinsically suggestive.
In the bedroom, an oxymoron translates to saying something soft and innocent while simultaneously ramping up the intensity of physical stimulation. A simple, “Mmm, that sweet smile,” while turning the heat up via deeper penetration, or even just a firmer grasp on her hips, will do magical things. The same thing goes for the other way around; tracing her fingers with your own while telling her how many times you’ve thought about pulling her panties down with your teeth today will make her head spin in the best possible way.
And, if she’s into it, mixing a tiny bit of pain with pleasure is the ultimate oxymoron in the bedroom (just make sure you’re sure she’s into it). A gentle kiss on the back of the neck combined with a tiny swat on the bum can be shockingly pleasurable.
Even Juliet loved good ol’ oxymora. In reference to Romeo she exclaimed, “Beautiful tyrant! fiend angelical!”
Damn you, Romeo, it just hurts so good!
Wait, come back! It doesn’t have to be full on costumes and British accents.
I’m not talking about acting. I’m talking about stretching your own everyday character. Artists are constantly creating things that are separate from themselves, but at the same time, an extension of themselves. So that’s where we’re going with this.
To be honest, I didn’t know I was into role-playing until I found myself actually doing it.
I had a long-term boyfriend, and once in a while when we were out together I’d ask him if he could act like we just met. We joked around about it, but sometimes we’d actually do a little pretend introduction. We’d usually end up laughing before we got any further. But one night we were playing around with this idea when I mentioned a headache. My boyfriend called me “Miss Animus” (my last name) and offered to examine my head. I ended up replying with a, “Yes please, Dr. Smith.” And, starting at my head, the good doctor ended up graciously giving me an incredibly hot full-body examination. The sex was mind-blowing. It was both exciting and playful.
After that, I was hooked. Boyfriends of mine know that if all else fails, call me Miss Animus and my body temperature instantly rises. So muster up your courage and give it a go. Basically any scenario works, just drop the usual pet names and opt for something more formal; the little bit of distance it creates will be enough to allow you an experience outside of ordinary. Extra, extraordinary in fact.
3) Specific compliments.
If the previous points seem too risqué, opt for this simple gesture.
Creative people are often detail-oriented (but maybe not in the matching socks kind of way); they notice things like texture, tastes, shapes, smells and colors. All five senses are constantly looking for inspiration, so she’s likely wide awake and invested in detail. During an intimate moment, take a second to give her a really specific compliment.
Maybe you appreciate the brightness of her eyes or the soft skin on her back. Bonus points if you can use a metaphor or simile to get your point across. Maybe the color of her lips reminds you of the inside of a watermelon, or the smell of her skin transports you to a primal dimension where words are sensations and sensations are gods. You get the point.
If you’re feeling it, it doesn’t have to be poetic, it just has to be specific to her and sincere. And honestly, all women (and men, too!) love this, not just the ones wearing horn-rimmed glasses with ink-stained fingers.
4) Take your own risks.
They’re called starving artists for a reason.
Most artists are turned down on the regular. And yet, they continue to pour their tender souls into their creations, knowing all the while that what they’ve made may be picked apart, turned down or even thrown out. Their most precious offering to the world will most likely be rejected more times than it’s accepted. And still, they offer it up.
She will respect and admire a man who takes risks outside and inside of the bedroom.
So speak up. You want to try a new position, that crazy red vibrator, or inconspicuous sex in the back row of the movie theater? Let her know. Vulnerability and authenticity are so hot, especially to those of us who know what it’s like to put ourselves out there constantly. Whether or not she’s into it doesn’t matter. She’ll respect your creative initiative and she’ll notice the guts it took to share, making any sex you do end up having that much more intimate.
See that chick in the corner of the café with turquoise hair and cat tights on? Yeah, the one with the adorable dimples. She’s scribbling like mad, and crazy with the constant bloom of new ideas.
But she’s not so different from you.
Throw her a metaphor or call her Miss Animus and you might just find yourself playing doctor with one very appreciative woman.
Love elephant and want to go steady?
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Author: Lucy Animus
Editor: Emily Bartran
Photo: courtesy of the author
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