How many times have we been out with a guy and caught him sneakily glancing at a passing beauty?
It can be enough to make our blood boil as we react irrationally momentarily believing that they are aroused with desire for someone other than us.
What do men get from checking other women out?
Are they having sexual thoughts?
Would they rather be with the other woman?
Are they unhappy in their relationship?
Many crazy thoughts can attack our minds and before we even have time to process our thoughts we’re fueled with anger and can’t think straight to rationalize what’s really going on.
The truth is.
Men will look.
All of them.
Some will do it much more often than others.
Some will stare much longer than others.
And some will just take a sneaky peek when they think no one will notice.
The reason for this is that all women are works of art, in fact all men are too.
We are each a unique, individual and interesting being and because we are all entirely different, often our eyes will be drawn to explore the image further.
We are all stimulated visually and chemicals are released to the brain when we see an image that we find attractive. This can cause looking at other people to become an easily forged habit or addiction.
It doesn’t help that everywhere we look, magazines, television shows and on the Internet, there are women that have either been airbrushed, surgically enhanced or that have make-up and hair professionals on hand to touch up every flaw.
A lot of these alterations have taken place purely to attract the attention of the male species. Aside from blindfolding all men, we are never going to escape the fact that men will look.
We also mustn’t be so hypocritical to deny that we look also. It is impossible not to.
There are quite often double-standards taking place, we somehow find it acceptable to openly discuss celebrities, models, musicians and others who we deem to be out of reach, however, we find it entirely unacceptable to recognize that it is no different admiring someone from near or from far.
Just because we look it does not mean we want to leave our partners and set off to track down someone else, purely based on an image.
From the beginning of time, men have been conditioned to sow their seeds as far and as wide as possible in order to have the greater chance of passing on his genes. Due to this, for years, the male of the human species were programmed to constantly look around to evaluate all possible options.
Women, however, were more precious of who they chose to copulate with, wanting the best genes possible for her offspring and also wanting the male to stay around to share the upbringing. Women, were more guarded and possessive wanting to keep the male around to protect them and provide for their future children.
Obviously, times have changed, however, the intense programming will also take time to change. Most men are aware of this unconscious tug and so, will find it easier to align this behavior with what society demands, and what their partner expects of them.
Although men may consciously chose not to look, most men will find it difficult not to—they will find it a perfectly natural act and not fully understand what the harm is. Especially if they are in a fully committed and respectful relationship and have no intention whatsoever of every cheating or straying from their partner.
Despite this, there is a firm line between casually looking and openly staring at other women.
If a guy is disrespectfully viewing other women as objects of desire and they pay no attention to the pain he is causing to their partner, it could be a huge relationship red flag. A quick glance in the direction of another woman, however, can be perfectly natural and something that almost every heterosexual man will do from time to time.
Staring at and even ogling other women can be objectifying and even insulting to the woman who is being stared at. I’m sure most of us have had that moment when we’ve caught someone else’s guy giving us eye contact from across the room. Most of us will think what an fool he is and how fortunate he is that his woman hasn’t noticed.
While we are in a committed relationship, it can be frustrating and hurtful to find our partners openly looking at other women as though they were objects for viewing pleasure.
It can make us feel insecure, as though the reason they are looking is because they do not find us attractive enough. Most often, this is not the case.
It is disrespectful for a guy to openly stare and especially do a 90 degree turn to view other women, however, it is impossible to expect that other women won’t catch his eye as he is going about his day. To stare straight ahead at all times will be entirely impossible and also very uncomfortable. We all enjoy our fair share of people watching as we are social creatures and we get a small amount of pleasure from taking in different sights.
Also, it is not just beautiful women that we look at, we find our selves glancing at all different shapes, sizes, styles and physical traits that attract the eye. Sometimes it may be that someone is wearing a dazzling outfit, or their hair colour or make-up is a little different from others. All kinds of things can catch our attention and for an instant we can find ourselves drawn to look for a moment longer that we probably should.
If the relationship is healthy, there is no doubt that your partner would not trade you for any amount of beauties that dazzle them momentarily. It just hurts slightly that their attention has been taken away from a second and we need to just take a reality check and remember we are the one’s by their side, the ones they adore. There is a heap more to a loving relationship than what is on the outside.
As women are more attracted to personality, we can get caught up in thinking that men are looking because they want to be in a relationship with that other person rather than us. It is highly likely this is not the case, men are just generally more visually attracted and, so we should try to let them have their moment and allow it to pass.
If you question your partner, they will likely deny it, as quite often they probably haven’t even realized they are doing it themselves. And if they have, they will not want to admit it, as they know it will create needless insecurity. Creating any form of drama will have a negative impact on the relationship, so turn it around, shock them by commenting positively about whoever it is they are looking at.
Recognize the beauty or particular detail in whatever or whoever caught their attention. Smile and remember that they chose us because they find us beautiful on the inside and the out.
Jealousy can destroy a relationship, so take a moment to breathe and realize that there really is no great harm in a glance in the direction of another woman. They are not cheating, not taking any action and as soon as the person has passed, all will be forgotten. We are the ones they want to be with and we are still at their side.
If it’s a major problem, gently let them know, as they quite possibly have no idea that it was a problem and as they become more aware of what they’re doing they will likely stop. It will probably be an unconscious act and one that he will feel bad about when he realizes it has caused upset or insecurities.
The sensitivity surrounding this can often come down to how secure the relationship is and also how secure we are as individuals. If we trust our partners completely and have high self-esteem, it will bother us much less.
Triggers like jealousy are signals that there may be a problem elsewhere and this is just something that is highlighting it. Focus the attention on our selves, remember we are worthy and valuable throughout, feel comfortable in our own skin and know that we can never compare to anyone else.
Recognize the difference between allowing someone a momentary harmless glance and trying to actively seeking out a new partner through eye contact. Not many women will enjoy being in the company of a man that stares for far too long at every beautiful woman that passes, but an occasional glance in another direction, is not a worthy deal breaker.
And remember, us women look too, we’re maybe just a little more discreet and better at getting away with it!
Love elephant and want to go steady?
Author: Alex Sandra Myles
Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock