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February 13, 2015

Funny or Die calls Swimsuit Illustrated out: the “Showing my Pussy” interview.

Funny or Die calls Swimsuit Illustrated out: the “Showing my Pussy” interview.

As a boy, I loved that issue, sure. But lately, the American tradition (see the d/evolution of every cover ever here) has become less about real women and more about models trying to get as close to the edge of nude sex porn as possible.

Funny or Die has the Onion-esque expose of the naked truth:

As an eco feminist journalism pal of mine said, “I needed this laugh.”

“…it’s just all about making my face look like I’m thinking I’m about to show you my pussy. That’s the hardest part because I have to sorta be lying, since I’m not really about to show you my pussy, but I’m pretty good at it now because I’m a professional.”

 

For the full thing, click here. It’s worth it. Excerpt via Funny or Die:

Last week, Sports Illustrated announced the cover model for this year’s Swimsuit Issue will be the woman Hannah Davis. We were able to get an interview with Hannah to talk about how she got to cover.

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Congrats on making the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Issue! How did you do it?

Thanks so much! This is very exciting. I think the main reason I got the cover is because in my photo I made it look like I’m about to show you my pussy. By making it look like I’m about to show you my pussy, I thought that would get people thinking about having sex with me and that’s a sure fire way to a successful swimsuit photo. I thought about doing something else like squishing my boobs in a hot way or making you look at my ass, but then I decided that to win this year I should make it look like I am about to show you my pussy. You can never be sure if that is going to work but I thought it was a good shot because I’m a professional.

How did you make it look like you were about to show us your pussy?

My biggest trick is to pull down the bottom part of my bathing suit. Because my pussy is in there, if I just pull it down a little bit I can trick your mind into thinking I’m about to show you my pussy. It’s like an optical illusion but I’m the one doing it instead of a hologram, like normal. After that it’s just all about making my face look like I’m thinking I’m about to show you my pussy. That’s the hardest part because I have to sorta be lying, since I’m not really about to show you my pussy, but I’m pretty good at it now because I’m a professional.

Did you have to show anyone your pussy?

No, that’s one of the cool things about Sports Illustrated is that you don’t have to show anyone your pussy. They actually like it the best when you don’t show them your pussy but you just act like you are about to show them your pussy. They do this thing sometimes where they smear paint on women’s pussies and that’s all that is covering the pussy up. People go crazy for that because it really feels like you are about to see their pussy, but you don’t really. Personally I prefer being the one hiding my pussy instead of letting paint do it but that’s my preference as a professional...read the rest.

Bonus: How to get rich without selling out, or showing your pussy: 

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