March 5, 2015

Oh Libido, Where Art Thou?


The powerhouse-disparity and 5 things I learned about my libido:

Radical truth, here it comes: Having a lower libido than your partner can feel pretty lousy. I know what I am talking about. It makes you think that there is something wrong with you, that you are lacking in some vital aphrodisiac quality or something. 

I have been living in a wonderful loving relationship with my partner for 7 years. He is the kind of guy who is always ready to jump into bed for an adult pillow fight. Well, this is where the challenge starts—I call it the powerhouse-disparity. My now-and-then itch isn’t enough for him, so he asked me (more than once, and lovingly) if I could do something about it. 

I started reading, researching and literally hunting for more powerhouse energy.

On this journey, I found some really helpful ingredients that today have made me a person who both actually enjoys sex and is also not afraid of entering a dry period.

Let’s talk about this dry period. It pretty much feels, well, normal. There is simply no urge. Just nothing. And you also don’t really notice it. You are just fine. That’s where it gets tricky; your partner is suffering because of the lack of juiciness and you don’t even notice. 

Once you do notice because his juices are overflowing and he can’t deal with the absence anymore, you have two choices: either you continue to let it stay that way and risk your relationship, or you do something about the status quo.

Which leads to the 5 things I learned about my libido:

1. Decide consciously to work on it.

Obviously this sounds easy. But as I have just elaborated, as a low-libido type you don’t notice the condition and you don’t really have the urge to do something about it until eventually your circumstances remind you.

That’s why the first mental decision to activate your libido is crucial for the next steps that follow.

2. It’s a part of you.

So love it!  Wherever you stand, your libido is a part of your inner vital essence. When my dry periods used to lead to the usual conflicts, I hated my libido for it. Which only made things worse. I saw it as something outside of myself that wasn’t me.

On my powerhouse quest, I slowly realized that to bring change into my life, I would have to stop polarizing, and finally accept the libido as a part of me.

3. Working on your libido is an ongoing soul journey.

Speaking the radical truth: there is no one magic pill that will do the job for you.

Even though many products do advertise it that way: Viagra (for men), L-arginine creams, Testosterone Therapy (for women) stand on the front line. I wish there was a one-time solution. It would make things so much easier.

I found that it’s much more complex than just fixing your libido locally. I see it as an exciting holistic soul journey that is a continuous on-going process. Sometimes I have to do less for it, sometimes more, but I am always aware of what’s going on with me.

I believe that my libido is the reflection of my deepest desires (it doesn’t me “drive” for nothing).  Desires are energy. If I know my deepest desires and I am letting them express themselves in every way I can, my life is in balance.

4. Supercharge your libido holistically.

I found out that supercharging your libido is a much more holistic venture than just boosting the physical level with pills and creams.

It’s not just physical—it’s also an energetic, emotional, mental and spiritual journey. When I started working on all 5 levels, it suddenly made sense why my body felt dull even though I ate healthily, practiced sports regularly and took care of my physical body. I simply forgot to look at the other 4 levels.

I personally love to practice yoga, which naturally works on pretty much all levels at once. Emotionally, I express myself through dance. Five minutes of shaking practice does wonders. And when it comes to the mental level, I try to mediate daily.

5. Live your desires.

You might ask, “Well if my libido is low, do I even have desires?” Yes, you do, and I don’t mean the many desires for external things, people or material stuff.

I mean the one and only desire: It’s a desire that comes out of your deep self, your soulful desire of how you want to feel. Start becoming clear on your deep desires by asking, “How do I want to feel?” and then plan your life agenda around it.

6. Stop just looking at the signs.

The amazing thing is, life naturally shows us our own individual healing path by pointing many big arrow signs towards it.

Oddly, we love to look at the signs themselves, instead of where they are actually pointing.

So whenever my boyfriend reminds me of my libido (again), I know the universe is speaking to me (again). So I get up, remind myself that I love myself and stubbornly continue my journey. I connect with my libido on all levels (with whatever helps me connect), and I seek my deepest desire so that I can plan my life around it.

If your signs are pointing in a similar direction, I want to let you know that it’s okay, and you can do something about it. I actually created a space for women to dive deeper into this. The journey is a beautiful and juicy one!


Author: Mariah Freya

Editor: Caroline Beaton 

Photo: Courtesy of the author

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