June 29, 2015

10 Things to Quit (and Do) to Be a Queen.

Flickr/Maria Panayiotou: https://www.flickr.com/photos/12596027@N06/8610526846/

“I feel like a queen.”

What does that phrase mean to you?

To me, it means having abundance in my life and freedom from scarcity. The ability to do anything gracefully, live authentically and be loved. It means following my intuition to find what is “right” or “just.”

A pretty good way to live, in my humble opinion.

When I asked other women what it means to them to feel like a queen, I got these replies:

Blessed and a blessing, honored, admired, respected, serving, empowered, powerful, grace, loved, abundant, cherished, celebrated, supported, seen, heard, accepted, grateful, beloved, connected, compassionate, confident, strong boundaries, self-assured, purposeful, sacred…and many other powerful feeling words.

What if I told you—anyone can live like a queen?

It’s true. I mean, you still may not get invited to actual “royal family” game nights, but you can still feel like the royalty you are or want to be. (Let’s face it, actual “queenship” includes boring events with stuffy people—not my dream.)

I want the royal daydream feelings, don’t you? I want to feel confident, powerful, loved, respected and adored. What does “feel like a queen” mean to you? Really think about it. Once you have those feelings identified, achieving them is up to you. You can choose it right now.

Yes, I said it—feeling like a queen is a choice.

Each of us make thousands of choices every day—many we may not even be aware we are making. Everything we do comes from choice. If we want to feel powerful, graceful, respected and celebrated, then we have to make the choice to be courageous, seen, strong and loving—over and over.

Here’s the key to achieving your royal daydream: if you want something you’ve never had, you need to do things in a way you never did before.

It means giving up the things that are blocking the way (or keeping us “safe”) for the things we really desire.

Here are the top ten sacrifices to become the sovereign in your life:

1. Quit being a victim.

Royalty cannot be powerful, supportive and compassionate and play the victim. Blaming others—saying “I can’t” and waiting for someone else to fix things—is not the picture of royalty. We can either choose to be an empowered queen or a victim—it isn’t possible to be both.

To-do: Take responsibility for your own actions and life. Focus on action and possibilities, not fault or retribution. Think about where in your life you believe others are holding you back or preventing something you want from life. How can you take responsibility of removing the block yourself? How can you clear your own way to get what you want?

2. Quit being a martyr.

The sovereign makes decisions, and creates opportunities for others to be self-sufficient, without adding the actual tasks on her to-do list. She does not fix or resolve every wish or desire of others, because her time, energy and health are valuable. She creates her boundaries. The queen is not a doormat for others to place their dirty laundry on. She is a priceless partner.

To-do: Make boundaries around your time. You’ll want to enjoy being queen. There is no enjoyment for an exhausted martyr. Have a backbone, put your foot down and protect your energy and time.

3. Quit losing sleep.

In order to have a high-functioning attitude and mental capacity all day, a queen does not forego her sleep. It is difficult to be graceful, compassionate and focused when we don’t get our “ZZZs.”

To-do: Stop giving up your sleep. Trouble sleeping? Try meditation, journaling or stretching before bed to help turn off the brain or better yet—create a relaxing evening ritual to help transition to restfulness.

4. Quit spending time being self-critical.

If one is going to be queen, one is going to be seen—everywhere. We will have to get over the freckles we don’t like or the way our nose catches too much light (my own insecurity). We must accept that being a queen still includes being human and having flaws. We will still do and say stupid things sometimes, but let’s allow these things to make us humble, not horrified. Let’s give ourselves compassion and kindness in these moments, and let them pass.

To-do: Accept yourself and your weaknesses completely. See gifts in your imperfections. It will make it easier to see the gifts in others as well.

5. Quit trying to be someone else.

If you felt like a queen, would you want to be anyone different? Being queen means owning your power. Even in royal family lines, each generation does it a little differently, because each is different. Each person has their own strengths and weaknesses. The title still fits them all.

To-do: Let authenticity shine. Good intentions, honesty and compassion will always win respect.

6. Quit playing small.

An empowered woman does not shrink in the light. She would be a target to be overthrown. She must know her power and own it. She does not earn her worth or play small to make others feel good about themselves. She shows them how to shine by modeling it, not dimming her own light.

To-do: Take up space and own your birthright to be here. Stop apologizing for taking up space or being authentic. Model it for others.

7. Quit holding grudges.

Royalty does not burn bridges—queens are graceful and compassionate, even to haters. Haters are always going to attack the confident and powerful. Don’t listen. A queen is blessed and blessing, meaning she loves people even when she does not understand their perspective. It is not from weakness that she forgives, but from the knowledge that by doing so, the haters have no power over her. Stop wasting energy on gossip and bitterness. It takes our energy away from what we really want.

To-do: Do yourself a favor and let go. Let go of the anger, of the story, of the toxic people. Focus on what is productive or feels good. That’s living like a queen.

8. Quit trying to control everything or “do it all.”

Ever notice that a queen gets so much done, yet doesn’t actually do anything?  A queen does not have time or energy to focus on the details—she delegates. A queen knows her boundaries. She does not overpromise or overwhelm herself by standing up to volunteer for PTAs, undesired projects or other people’s responsibilities. She does what is necessary and what she loves—that is all. She is loved and valued for who she is, not how much she can do.

To-do: See your time, energy and strengths as valuable commodities. Choose your battles to make sure they are worth winning. Remember the big picture so you don’t lose sight of your purpose. Allow others to help or hire out for things you don’t like doing.

9. Quit surviving.

Surviving is not a royal mode. Queens thrive. They thrive because they seek out opportunities to grow, challenge themselves and innovate. They thrive because they see abundance, not scarcity. Scarcity is a survival mode tactic. Intuition, passion and possibilities rule sovereigns, where others only see risk.

To-do: Let your intuition and passion guide you. Each one of your strengths is conceived for a reason. Let your inner voice tell you what those reasons are.

10. Quit following.

It sure is easier to follow the crowd. However, when you wear the crown, the crowd follows you. Being queen means leadership. It means making a decision when no one else wants to. It means having an inner wisdom that guides you. It also means feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

To-do: Lead by example. Take chances, especially when “no one ever did it that way before” is part of the conversation. If something is calling you, do it without the critic’s approval. Stand in your power when you know it is right. When they see the authentic leader, they will follow.

Being queen is tough, but well worth the rewards. The rewards are great: self-love, compassion, purpose, abundance, empowerment, peacefulness, joy, being heard, having respected boundaries and whatever else  comes to mind when you “feel like a queen.”

The real question is—are you willing to do what it takes to be a queen in your life?

It’s a choice. Make it now. Get that tiara, and start living life like the royalty you were born to be.


Relephant Read:

Can You Live the “Royal Pace,” Just for a Day?


Author: Christina Smith

Editor: Yoli Ramazzina

Photo: Flickr/Maria Panayiotou

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Christina Smith

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