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June 21, 2015

Happy Father’s Day to My Ex-Husband.

Author: Kate Rose

I know we didn’t always do the best we could, but I would at least like to think we tried.

We are only human and while our children sometimes think we hung the stars, we know we are still learning every day like they are.

It’s a lot easier to blame others when things end or go wrong, and while it always takes two people to undo a life that had been created, I realize that my path was littered with mistakes.

I’m sorry that I held onto you and the fallacy of the perfect relationship for as long as I did. I wish I had let you go long before we even said “I do,” but then these two crazy little amazing girls would have ceased to exist.

So, instead of thinking about life in a “shoulda coulda woulda” kind of way, I’m thankful for each and every moment in life, especially the ones that brought me my children.

At the end of the day, just because we didn’t last forever, it doesn’t mean we have failed. Through the journey of life I have come to believe that very few things last forever and that is the way it is meant to be. If all relationships lasted forever then where would our change and growth occur?

I don’t know what life holds for you now that you are free to explore it but I only hope that you take each and every opportunity at happiness and that you are blessed with a love that makes you believe in forever.

I hope you find the truth of who you are and that you realize that maybe we were just meant to come together to help these two souls come to Earth so that they can help change the world.

I can’t promise you that we won’t fight and argue. I have become a mother bear in the most formable way possible—I protect and stand up for my girls with the strength of an army and while I know that life is unfair, most of the time I am sensible enough to just let the small things go. Other times, I will snap, bite and show my teeth because of the injustices that tug at my heart.

My life will be very different from yours and, at first, I was jealous because of the freedom you enjoy being a part time parent. But, the truth is, I wouldn’t want my girls anywhere else than snuggled under the same roof as me each night.

I have stopped comparing our lives because I realize I am meant to be on this journey. It’s not one I ever anticipated being on, but somehow I can’t imagine being anywhere else. Having been married, had children and played the white dress scenario, I now have the ability to create the life that I want as I go along. One that is unlike what I am supposed to want but now I have the confidence in saying it anyway.

I know now that I was never meant to live with the father of my children and play house forever. I enjoy my freedom and the feeling of the wind through my hair and the dirt of an endless road under my bare feet. I’m sorry that I changed myself into someone that I thought I could really be and I’m sorry that I thought that was love.

I love the life that I have now. I love having the peace and quiet to explore myself and the time that I can take for just myself. I love when the children are with you and I can do whatever I want.

For the first time in a long time, my soul is completely free.

I don’t wish for things to have been different at all and I am thankful for your role in my journey. I am thankful for all the good times we had and I am thankful for the two girls that I had while we were together.

We may have made a lot of mistakes, but having our two girls wasn’t one of them. I’m pretty sure the youngest will give me grey hair and make you lose what little hair you still have—and I wouldn’t change a thing about it.

I love the way my oldest is growing into herself and her confidence is emerging. I love her intelligence, her sensitivity and her heart. I love our youngest because of her mischievous nature—her blond curls bouncing on her shoulders cooking up some sort of trouble is a memory that I will always hang onto.

I am thankful every day for the way that my heart feels when I cuddle with them and kiss their sweet heads. When I see them acting wild and crazy out in this world, I sometimes feel overflowed with love for them and I catch glimpses at the incredible women they are growing into every day.

And, so I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being part of my journey and giving me these two amazing little girls. Just because I couldn’t be your wife, doesn’t mean I ever wanted you to not be their father.

Happy Father’s Day!

 

Author: Kate Rose

Editor: Katarina Tavčar

Photo: Author’s own

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