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June 7, 2015

What I Want you to Know about Me.

Charlie Foster/upsplash

We haven’t yet met…

…or maybe we have and I just haven’t recognized you.

I always thought I would just know when you showed up. Heart thumping, stomach butterflies all a-flutter, skin tingling goosebumps (my truth barometer).

Added to that, I thought there’d be a sense that we have important creative work to do together. Not just a brain chemistry cocktail making me feel unbearably intoxicated. I am almost embarrassed to be telling you this in such a public forum, admitting that you still aren’t next to me after all of the work we have each done to bring us to this point. I can be impatient at times, especially when I am anticipating bliss. I’m not called The Bliss Mistress for nothing.

I have sometimes wondered if you will ever arrive, since it has been so long; perhaps eons since we have crossed paths. Maybe even as far back as ancient Greece or tribal Ireland.

You will be as familiar as my own face in the mirror or the hands that are typing these words. There will be a sense of astonishment, awe and wonder and the utterance, “Oh there you are again, how long has it been?”, will come from both of us simultaneously. Since I am a writer, I am adept at scripting stuff like this, so sorry in advance if it feels corny.

I have no clue in what form you will show up. The package is a mystery to me. I will know you by heart.

A few things to tell you in advance, just so’s ya know what you are getting yourself into:

I am low maintenance/low drama. The words “hot mess” make me cringe.

I don’t need a relationship, even though I would like to be in one.

I am independent and yet can be healthfully symbiotic.

I will hold your hand in companionship or comfort and let go when it is called for so we don’t hold each other back.

I am whole and complete and so are you. Together we can be even more. The infamous line from the movie Jerry Maguire, “You complete me,” makes me wanna gag. The line that puts a smile on my face is, “You had me at hello.”  I know you will. and hopefully, I you.

My friends and family are my treasures and we are a package deal. Don’t worry—if you love me, they will welcome you into their lives too. I trust that the same is true for your clan.

You will be immersed in fathoms-deep love. Hope you can swim, or at least tread water.

I have known the pain of loss, having been caregiver for my husband who died many years ago, and for my parents in the past decade. I have also known the experience of profound love.

I am more at ease giving than receiving, but I am learning to be in balance. I wish for you  to be a generous giver and gracious receiver as well.

I am woman of integrity who walks the talk. If I ask you to do something, I damn sure better be doing it too. If I don’t, please call me on it, lovingly.

You will need to share me with The Muse, since my writing keeps me gainfully employed and sane. That’s okay, since I will likely need to do the same with you as I sense that you are a creative soul too.

I love to dance, but it, like much of my life, is improv style. I have been known to step on partners’ toes when attempting something more formal than that.

I am never, ever bored. Life is infinitely fascinating and I am crazy-curious about nearly everything.

I am a miracle magnet and experience them daily. Nothing cosmic foo-foo about it.

I am highly intuitive and often know stuff before it happens.

I am not a saint. I have judgments and feel snarky about people at times. I do, however, have filters and know how to use them. I know that you are not a saint either.

At this point, I have baggage—but it is carry-on, not steamer trunk.

Although I am not prone to depression, sometimes even The Bliss Mistress gets the blues. It doesn’t take much to lift my spirits. Sometimes just a hug or kiss.

Speaking of kissing—it is one of the most intimate things we can do. The instant right before contact in an-ti-ci-pa-tion is oh-my-breathless.

Sex is about way more than what goes on below the belly button. It’s not merely get it on, get it up, get it in, get it off, get it out as some might think. It is about having a heart-on.

I hope that your fantasy of me and the reality of me are one and the same. I want the same to be true of you.

I think outside the box and color outside the lines. Not left brain/linear/logical.

I am a solutions finder, not a problem solver.

I play nicely in the sandbox, share my toys and only occasionally run with scissors.

I do a great deal of emotional bungee jumping, since I can’t imagine doing the real thing.

I have more books than any other type of item in my house and they are in every room.

So many things feed my soul: music, drumming, nature, time with kindred spirits (human and critter), nurturing touch, reading, writing—oh and, of course, chocolate.

I sing spontaneously, any and everywhere. Decent voice, but what I may lack in talent, I make up for in enthusiasm.

I don’t always love my body as is, but I am learning to accept that at 56 this is the Goddess form I have earned. I ask that you help me become even more self adoring and I will gladly do the same for you. Having been through health crises in the past year or so, I am aware of the need for self care.

Having faced death nearly a year ago, I treasure each moment.

I used to sell my soul for love and approval; the song from A Chorus Line called “What I Did For Love” comes to mind. It has taken a long time to re-create the woman who is typing this prose, and I ain’t about to give her up. I expect that you feel the same, since the one reading these words has evolved into a masterpiece too.

I have fears of engulfment and abuse, since I have been through both. According to intuitive friends, I will no longer attract those experiences since I have changed my perspective and raised my vibration. Sometimes I believe it.

I am a work in progress, teaching what I need to learn. Healer, heal thyself.

I love to both listen and speak, sometimes in equal measure. I will count on you to remind me which you need more of at any given time.

I believe in win-win resolutions.

I don’t steal covers. I snore a little bit.

I am a night owl and morning glory.

I would want to be married to me. Would you want to be married to you?

I clean up after myself literally and symbolically; not expecting anyone to do it for me. I ask the same of you.

I believe in getting high on life, and don’t drink, smoke or do drugs. I welcome someone of like mind in that regard. I want to know what I am doing and with whom. I choose to be conscious and mindful.

This left-of-center, tree hugging hippie walks lightly on the Earth, being more eco-friendly daily.

Since I am not shy, I enjoy the spotlight. I promise not to drag you into it, if you don’t step into it willingly and I will happily share it with you.

It may sound woo woo, but I have come to believe that love is a state of being, an action verb…love is all we are.

I will hold your heart sacred and ask you to do the same for yours and mine.

Of course there is more to come. I don’t want to give away all of the secrets. Let’s unwrap the gifts a bit at a time. Just know that this once upon a time story ends happily ever after.

Welcome to the party.

 

Relephant Read: 

When We Meet, I Hope: A Future Love Story.

 

Author: Edie Weinstein

Editor: Emily Bartran

Photo: Charlie Foster/unCharlie Foster/unsplashsplash

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