In Case You Were Waiting for Someone to Give you Permission.

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Nervous

There’s such a gap between the theory of authenticity and the practice of it. In my own journey of self-discovery and in helping hundreds of people with theirs, I’ve found that “being yourself” rarely looks the way we think it will.

I’ve also found that most people fear allowing their desires to blossom, because they are awaiting some external permission for those desires to be “authentic” or “spiritual” or “real.”

So, just in case you’re waiting for permission…

Yes, it’s okay to have self-judging thoughts, anxious thoughts, angry thoughts, depressive thoughts. Yes, it’s okay to not be perfectly “healed” just because you’ve begun your journey of self-discovery. Yes, it’s okay to feel inadequate and strange when you hear people talking about how they “used to” judge themselves and to wonder why you can’t stop.

Yes, it is okay to be spiritual and listen to dubstep, and hip-hop, and death metal.

Yes, it’s okay to be compassionate and be assertive at the same time. Yes, it’s okay to care about someone and walk away because you can’t love them from up close.

It’s okay to meditate in your own way. It’s okay to flop yourself on your bed with your head in the pillow for an hour and call this meditation. It’s okay to sit or lie or stand or walk wherever you want as you look within your own mind.

It’s okay to hate journaling.

It’s okay to hate yoga.

It’s okay to hate the word “spiritual.”

Yes, it’s okay to tell people how you feel before you find the perfect words to describe exactly how you feel. Yes, it’s okay to reach out for help before you’re absolutely sure that you’re ready for it. Yes, it’s okay to feel like you’re bothering someone by putting your emotions on them, and it’s okay to tell them that you feel that way.

It’s okay to think about your ex, no matter how long ago it was. It’s okay to still be a little heart-broken about your first love.

Yes, it’s okay that the scars and bruises on your heart sometimes burn raw, out of nowhere. No, it doesn’t mean you’re doing all the wrong things. Yes, healing can take years. Yes, it’s okay to need to forgive someone for the 324th time.

It’s okay to feel like you’re doing well and have it all fall apart when you visit your family.

It’s okay to get angry.

It’s okay to cry.

It’s okay to feel overwhelmed.

It’s okay to not know what to do.

Yes, it’s okay to love someone, but feel like you can’t give to them because you’re too drained yourself. Yes, it’s okay to take care of yourself even if guilt tells you otherwise.

It’s okay to get hit with waves of depression or social anxiety or eczema that you never expected and that you don’t understand. It’s okay for the tactics that worked yesterday to not work today. It’s okay for all of the “right answers” you thought you’d found to slip from in between your fingers.

It’s okay to be annoyed with self-help.

It’s okay to be annoyed with inspiring stories.

It’s okay to not be done healing. It’s okay to not fully know yourself.

It’s okay to be on a journey. It’s okay to be confused.

It’s okay to not have phrased all of your pains, lessons, and desires perfectly before you share them. It’s okay to not feel perfect, look perfect or think perfectly before you allow yourself to be seen.

Yes, it’s okay to want a friend, a partner, a community while you’re still struggling. Yes, it’s okay to not wait until you’ve “fixed yourself” before you reach out for human connection.

It’s okay to fail. It’s okay to make mistakes. It’s okay to find it hard to handle self-judgment that comes up when you fail or make mistakes.

It’s okay to follow your dreams, even though you’re not ready. It’s okay to leave somewhere today, even though you don’t have a plan for where you’ll go tomorrow.

Yes, it’s okay to follow your own heart, do what feels right to you, and be yourself, even when people depend on you to be someone else.

It’s okay to feel amazing today, even though it will fade soon. It’s okay to feel awful today, even though there is so much to be grateful for.

Yes, it’s okay to be hurt about others’ expectations, even while you’re trying to not be addicted to their approval. Yes, it’s okay to worry about what people think of you, even if you consider yourself to be very authentic.

Yes, it’s okay to be afraid. It’s okay to hesitate before plunging from your comfort zone.

It’s okay to have scars, pimples, insecurities, moles, cellulite, tremors, debts, redness, regrets, loneliness and uncertainty.

It’s okay to have no idea what you’re doing.

It’s okay to struggle with some things, while enjoying others. It’s okay to find joy in the beauty in life, even after a great loss. It’s okay to change. It’s okay to move on. And it’s okay to fear changing and moving on.

Wherever you are, and whatever you are experiencing, is okay. You didn’t invent the universe and you didn’t invent the human condition.

You don’t need permission to live whatever you’re living, even if it looks and feels different from anyone else’s life around you. And it’s okay to feel like you need that permission anyway.

So here it is.

It’s okay.

Everything is okay.

And it’s even more okay when we join together to give ourselves and each other the permission to allow things to be as they are. Will you join me? Add to this love letter to the world. What else is okay? Please share below.

~

Author: Vironika Tugaleva

Editor: Caroline Beaton

Photo: Google images for reuse

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Vironika Tugaleva

Like every human being, Vironika Tugaleva is an ever-changing mystery. At the time of writing this, she was a life coach, world traveler, and award-winning author of two books (The Love Mindset and The Art of Talking to Yourself). She spent her days writing, dancing, singing, running, doing yoga, going on adventures, and having long conversations. But that was then. Who knows what she’s doing now? Keep up at www.vironika.org.

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anonymous Jul 24, 2015 7:10pm

It's okay to be weird. It's okay to be different. It's okay to get laughed at even when you're not trying to be funny. It's okay to be raw, real & vulnerable. It's okay to not know, to not have the answers, to take three steps forward only to take two steps back over and over again…. It's okay to change your mind. It's okay when dreams don't come true they way you wanted them to. Thanks! I like this.

    anonymous Jul 28, 2015 12:46pm

    Wow. That is powerful. I agree with this so much. Especially the two steps backward. I definitely thought that would stop happening at some point! 😉

anonymous Jul 24, 2015 5:49pm

Yee-up!! My, “It’s okay.” overrides all other humans when it comes to me living consciously as best as I am!!

anonymous Jul 23, 2015 9:27am

I couldn't agree more… yes, it's alright. Let's keep handing out permission slips, because for some reason many of us have not learned all that we are allowed to do, have, feel and think. And be.

anonymous Jul 23, 2015 8:47am

I love this one!
"Yes, it is okay to be spiritual and listen to dubstep, and hip-hop, and death metal." This line reminds me of one of my first clients. She was just in the beginning of her healing and self-discovery journey. When I asked about her passions, she said "well, I used to love going to concerts, mostly heavy and dark stuff, like Marilyn Manson. I don't do that anymore." When I asked her why not, she told me that now that she is reading all the spirituality books, law of attraction and all, she feels she shouldn't listen to dark music to attract dark stuff, but she is choosing christian music and meditation music instead. Turned out she wasn't a Christian and the slow meditation music drove her crazy rather than creating relaxation. Needless to say, one of her first 'homework assignments' was to put some Marilyn Manson on and go crazy dancing and jumping around for it: because that made her happy rather than irritated.
I could relate to this, for a long time I forced green smoothies on myself – being a health coach student then I felt like it was a MUST -, trouble is, I hate any smoothies and they made me feel terrible too. It took me 4-5 months to accept it and allow myself to give it up. I am a green juice girl and love muching on whole fruits and salad. Green smoothies are not for me.
On the emotional side, after healing from chronic headaches, chronic hip pains, turning my depression into happiness, developing self-love, diving into writing and inspiring and starting coaching, I felt a pressure to be perfect. I couldn't do it for too long: I am not perfect, but it is okay! With a post I originally wrote over a year ago I first shared about letting perfection go and since then I am a big advocate about embracing imperfection and just being your true self. http://happyhealthy365.com/2015/04/02/i-am-not-pe

    anonymous Jul 28, 2015 12:45pm

    I feel you so deeply on this, Kat! I laughed about your first client's story. I definitely stopped listening to dubstep for a long time after I stopped wearing makeup and shed all my addictions. I read somewhere that the music you listen to is a reflection of your emotional stability, and that heavy music is a sign of an unstable core. I guess that person's never tried jogging to Mozart. I'll take drum and bass over meditation flutes any day. And that, right there, sounds like emotional stability to me! 😉

anonymous Jul 22, 2015 6:52pm

Thank you!!! I really needed to read this right now. Almost all of what you said is okay, I am feeling tonight and most days. I feel like I'm constantly in a battle with myself. Its okay. It is okay to let go of the struggle and just be.

    anonymous Jul 28, 2015 12:39pm

    Yes it is, Jennifer! It is absolutely okay 🙂

anonymous Jul 22, 2015 12:17pm

oh I just love this article. Everything about it. Learning that it's okay has been a huge and recent development… and yanno, it's okay if sometimes you still struggle to remember that's okay.

"Yes, it’s okay to want a friend, a partner, a community while you’re still struggling. Yes, it’s okay to not wait until you’ve “fixed yourself” before you reach out for human connection."

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

    anonymous Jul 28, 2015 12:39pm

    You are so welcome! I am glad this was so heartwarming to you!