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August 3, 2015

I Met my Husband Online: Here’s Why it Worked for Me.

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In November 2013, I met a man on Match.com who is now my husband.

I used to look down on online dating a little bit—at least for myself—because it didn’t seem as authentic, as organic. It didn’t happen naturally, as I believed meeting “the one” should happen.

Then I found myself in a place I had never been before. I felt like I was actually ready to meet someone who I would marry. As someone who used to think I’d never get married, this was a turning point. I was in a relationship at that time, but it lacked passion and we both knew it wasn’t marriage material. He was a great guy and we learned a lot about what we need in relationships from each other. After that ended, I felt ready to be specific about who I wanted, and I was ready to find him.

I was in graduate school and very busy, and I have never liked the downtown scene. As an introvert who values deep conversation and authenticity, I didn’t want to waste time getting to know someone on a superficial level only to discover later on that we weren’t compatible in some way that meant a lot to me. I knew my values and like anyone, I had desirable qualities in mind that I didn’t want to compromise.

So one day on my way home from a trip to the mountains, I pulled over on top of a hill on the highway and began writing an online dating profile. I included the things that I do in my daily life, the things that matter to me and the things I needed in a match. I wrote transparently about myself, knowing using honesty now would prevent wasted time and potential hurt feelings later on.

With my profile written, I decided to join Match.com. I signed up for a three month membership because something compelled me to do this, and something told me that I wouldn’t need longer than three months.

The first few weeks I had a mix of half-interested guys who didn’t know how to hold a conversation, to guys who clearly were there to meet someone substantial, but just didn’t give me that “spark” when we did meet. So I told them as soon as I knew that I didn’t think we wanted the same things or that I just didn’t feel it. I didn’t want to waste time if my gut was telling me it wasn’t right.

Then one Sunday evening, I logged on to see my “daily matches” and noticed a rock climber the same age as me who was interested in alternative energy and was pursuing an engineering degree. Well, all of that sounded fantastic, but something was different about this one. I just had this feeling I hadn’t had with the others. It felt different.

He had already sent me a message:

Hello nature girl,

Came across your profile and I have to say you look like a pretty rad woman! What kind of climbing do you do? 🙂

Simple. And it opened the door.

We continued talking for two days via Match.com and then I gave him my number. Then came text messages and a coffee date. Meeting in person was like seeing all the dreams I never could put into words manifest themselves into one living, breathing person right in front of me.

Two weeks later, he asked me to “go steady” with him. I was scared. My stomach fluttered as I said, “of course.” Two months later I moved in with him. After three months, my Match.com profile expired. Three months after that, his did too. We would joke that I only needed a two week membership and he only needed a two day membership!

A year after we met, he proposed, and six months after that, we were married. Things moved quickly which they never did with me before. I normally didn’t make hasty decisions but with him, it not only looked good on paper, but it felt right. The entire time I knew.

So here’s why I think it worked:

1. The timing was right. For both of us. We both were ready to meet “the one.” We were brave and we went for it.

2. We were genuine in writing our profiles. We were honest about who we were and who we wanted to meet. We remained genuine and committed to cutting the crap throughout the duration of dating. In our marriage, we are still this way.

3. We got lucky. I know beautiful, wonderful people who have tried online dating with little success for months and years. I don’t pretend that my story is typical. I know we were and are extremely lucky.

This is just one couple’s experience. Of course we have had ups and downs as every couple has. But 14 months into our marriage, most days, we cherish each other and love being around each other. We are very committed to one another. And I know without a doubt that he loves me with everything he has.

I have sometimes been a little shy to explain to people how we met. But one thing I have learned is that it truly does not matter how you meet, as long as you meet the right person. For me, Match.com helped to find that specific person who meshes with my life in all the right ways.

 

Relepahant bonus:

24 Hours with Tinder: The Devolution of Dating.

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Author: April Watts

Editor: Travis May

Pboto: Flickr/Kris Krug

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