“Amazing,” you said.

I don’t want to be amazing.

I don’t want to be understanding.

I don’t want to hold anyone else’s pain.

I don’t want to search for all the right answers or try to fix all the problems,
I don’t want to put anyone’s feelings first.

I just want to be me.

Tonight, I want to fall and feel f*cked up—I want to let myself scream and cry and crumble to the ground.
I want to run, until every breath in my lungs burns so hot that my mind forgets any pain in my heart.

Tonight, I want to feel all alone and empty.

I want to drain every thought and feeling from my body, until I am numb.

I want to be drunk—so that the numbness turns to floating, and I am lighter than air.

I want to be high—so that the lightness turns to laughter, and I laugh until I am exhausted.

But—I won’t do any of those things.

Instead, I will follow the pull of the moon to the lake.

I will sit alone, under her bright, full orb as she dances across the water,
I will breathe slowly, as I bask in her light, caressing every inch of my skin.

I will close my eyes and feel the glow of her shining on me.

I will stay there until all the madness leaves my mind,
And maybe I won’t feel amazing, but I will stay there until I am at peace.

 

Relephant Read:

Don’t Miss the Moon.

.

Author: Stephanie Parry

Editor: Yoli Ramazzina

Photo: Flickr/3rdparty!

.