3.8
August 31, 2015

Please Look at my Naked Body. {Nudity}

Flickr/Larry Neuberger

I kept my eyes down most of the time. I tried never to draw attention to myself. I wore baggy grey clothes and ignored anyone trying to get my attention by, god forbid, calling my name.

I skipped school.

I never looked in the mirror.

I felt physical pain whenever I caught an accidental glimpse of myself.

The pain of the memory of my childhood dragged on me. I used to be cute. People used to love to look at me. I used to be the little blonde girl with the bubbly laugh. I had become the awkward young woman with the acne covered skin and bubble butt.

I turned inward. There was nothing else I could do.

For years I lived my life so I would not have to look at myself. I closed my eyes while having sex. I spent as little time in the bathroom and as much time in dimly-lit rooms as possible. I did not own a full-length mirror.

But over the course of twenty years, some of those things changed.

I eventually became more comfortable with the way I looked. By my thirties, my acne all but cleared up and all of the physical activity I had happily thrown myself into ensured that I had a fit, strong body.

But I still couldn’t look at myself.

It wasn’t until one of my long-distance lovers asked for a picture that I had even considered taking a naked selfie, and when he had suggested it, my initial reaction was both physical and emotional: I shuddered and became very depressed. A week later, I decided I would give it a shot, and if I didn’t like what I came up with, I could very easily delete the results and forget it ever happened—maybe discontinue this particular long distance relationship for good measure.

At the time, I lived in a sweet little cabin with an impressively overgrown backyard. I took off all of my clothes, put on my pink wig and dark sunglasses and gave it a shot; I turned on the camera’s timer, very carefully hopped over to a less-than-comfortable wicker chair, and posed.

tumblr_n8h8b43IcA1tgxtt8o1_540After I heard the shutter go off, I sat there trying to get my courage up to look. I was terrified.

After several minutes passed, I stood up, picked up the camera, and hit the “review” button. I was absolutely shocked at what I saw. At first, I couldn’t believe it was me, then I decided it might be because the screen was so small that maybe it made me look different than I actually looked, so I transferred the image to my desk top and took a look. Holy crap.

I looked lovely. I couldn’t believe my body looked like that. How could I not know? How could I have missed it for so many years that I was actually… gulp… beautiful?

In that instant, I was hooked.

I started sending naked selfies out to all of my lovers, and started taking some just for me. The more I did, the more I loved it, and over time, I watched my body change.

The transformation was subtle, but I could see that the more comfortable I became with my body, the better it looked to me.

Eventually, I saw the value in this; I saw the bigger picture—this practice had infused my life with a calm confidence I had not known before. I felt proud of my body.

So proud, in fact, that I cried with relief when I realized it.

I had gone from this intimidated, invisible young woman to a confident, free adult. I felt like if I could learn to love my body, I could learn to do anything.

So, I did.

~

Relephant Read:

Why I Took a Nude Selfie & Might Just do it Again. {Adult}

~

Author: Sara Young

Editor: Toby Israel

Photo: Author’s Own // Flickr/Larry Neuberger

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Sean Sep 1, 2015 11:05am

"So, I did." What a great way to approach any endeavor.

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Sara Young

Sara Young is a writer, artist, cyclist, amateur yogi, and avid poetry appreciator.

Originally from Chicago, Illinois, Sara is presently undertaking a project which she hopes will turn the tide and inspire people to love, accept, and show compassion for themselves and each other. She is traveling the US handing out love stickers and telling people they are awesome, and when she can, talking to people about the importance of remembering that love unites everyone.

She is a Freedom Fighter, a Creative Adventurer, a bringer of light, and the owner of Eloquent as Fuck, a company whose mission it is to help people live boldly and confidently in their own skin, loving the ride as they go through their wild and wonderful lives. http://www.eloquentasfuck.com/

You can follow A Love Rebellion at www.aloverebellion.com