I love the scene in Jerry Maguire when Tom Cruise’s character, Jerry, bursts into a room full of emotional, single ladies all of whom are talking about their failed loves and heartaches.
As Jerry enters the room he embraces an epiphany he’s had about being in real, actual love with his wife.
Tearful and broken he stands before them all and spills the words that every woman who’s in love with her man wants to hear,“I love you, you complete me.” Renee Zellweger’s character, Dorothy, asks him to shut up and then tells him, “You had me at hello.”
For me it’s such an emotive scene as I watch Dorothy repeat the line, “You had me at hello.” I feel these words deeply inside of myself.
I have embodied these very words during many moments when I’ve stood before the men in my life who I’ve felt this way about.
I’m a hopeless romantic, a fickle creature yearning to fall in love and be with my Jerry F*cking Maguire.
The trouble is, being this way proves difficult in a throw-away society where even the most secure relationships can simply become a disposable asset.
I can remember my childhood years, growing up playing with my Ken and Barbie dolls.
I would act out a story—one that normally involved some complicated love triangle with Cindy. Yes, even then I seemed to have an understanding of the complex dance of love. In the end Barbie would always win the love of her man but that wasn’t before she’d experienced rejection or struggle from her love. I grew up with sleeping beauty syndrome—believing that it was okay to be asleep and be single because one day soon my handsome prince would kiss me back to life and we would live happily ever after.
I’m an idealist, gullible, naïve and I don’t want to change for one minute because there may be the slightest chance that this love can be reciprocated once in my lifetime. If for just one moment I can feel that “you complete me” then my battle on the field of love will have been worth it.
The problem lies in the torment that goes before it and I realize now that one doesn’t have to be had at hello, if it’s the real thing then it may be a slow burner.
I mean let’s face it sleeping beauty was asleep for a thousand years and although time is upon us we can wait for the right prince/princess.
1. Embrace “you had me at hello” but hold back until we’ve allowed our gut instincts to reassure us.
I don’t mind embarrassing myself here and telling you of my dating stories—it will sound pathetic and almost desperate, but when I’m still a little girl deep down inside it’s hard to think like an adult.
I’ve been on blind dates, speed dates, online dates and just about every other date that you can think of.
Yes there have been more times when my heart sunk and a wave of panic has washed over me while quickly thinking of an escape route but there have also been those times when that “you had me at hello” feeling has embraced me. That amazing feeling when we stare each other deep in the eyes, this may be our first meeting but it’s as if our souls know one another and that exchange can say a thousand words—aside from the physical chemistry of I want to rip your clothes off.
I’m not ashamed to admit that it’s those few moments that my little girl imagination runs away with me. I’m thinking of family Christmases, when he meets my friends, the facebook pictures of us looking lovingly at each other and I’m dreaming of the “you complete me” moment—this is only when I’m on my first wine spritzer (classy girl, I know).
While I believe it’s still important to have those fantasies, to get lost and caught up with them, it’s like taming a wild horse. At some point we gotta rein it back in, bring ourselves down to earth, back into the room and then allow the date to play on. Allow the person in front of us to show themselves and allow time to unfold the mystery of this person. The mistake that I make is before they’ve even told me about that weird fetish about feet, I’ve already decided we’re going to have a small beach ceremony of our declaration of love.
2. It’s not just dogs who smell fear.
Since getting a puppy I’ve really understood how dogs sense things on many levels. They sense feelings and energy—this doesn’t have anything to do with any interaction with them, we could simply walk into the room and the dog will know how we’re feeling before we’ve had time to acknowledge it.
Since, ultimately, we’re all made up of energy—on a subconscious, conscious and unconscious level people can pick up on each other’s feelings and energy. Some dates I’ve gone on, I’ve been like an excitable puppy—aside from the tongue hanging out of my mouth—I’ve had that adoring look that reeks of “give me some loving, be my master.”
Easy tigers—I’m not talking sexual fantasies here, well not just yet anyway.
Men and women can both sense fear, whether we’re aware of being fearful or not.
The fear is that we’re not good enough, not worthy enough and that ultimately—just like the last person standing on the pitch to be picked for the footy team—we don’t want to be on our own. The trouble is, if we allow this fear, this need, this insecurity to surface then just like in the game of football, we’ve had it.
We’ve shown the defender that we have a weakness and they will know when to tackle and take us down. Sadly with love, in this instance you won’t be taken down (easy tigers), we’ll be dropped from the team and they won’t even get the chance to see the our awesome left foot side tackle.
Get excited, acknowledge our fear of being alone but don’t let it consume us. Positive affirmations are great in dealing with this: “I’m f*cking awesome and they’re lucky to be in my company right now.”
3. Get on with your own Sh*t.
I would move heaven and earth for the right person. I would move town, country and planet even. I would change careers, I would basically do everything but change my sex and personality for love—that’s how much I value it.
But, love doesn’t and shouldn’t work like that.
I’m always the one that molds around the alter, as my mum would say. When love is real, when its right, it’s like all those beautiful stories—Pride and Prejudice, The Notebook. It will work if it is meant to be and so you don’t have to change anything about yourself at all. All you have to do is focus on you and what makes you special, what makes you happy and love will come and fetch you when it’s ready.
4. Last but not least—meditate.
I am one of those people who have already played out the love story during the first date.
Setting time aside for regular mediation helps me keep my feet firmly planted on the ground.
Meditation helps tame the wild horse within us and the monkey mind. It will give us clarity and help us to see the wood for the trees. It will also give us hope and the confidence in ourselves—that we are worthy of love and so much more.
And when the timing is right, love will come and find us—until such time we can simply sit still and breathe.
Author: Leeanne Cooper
Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock