Dear Future Husband,
There was a period in my life when I cursed you.
I cursed your absence, the empty space on my couch, in my bed, in my mind where your face and shoulders, arms and hands, torso and legs should have been.
I wish I had always been able to understand that I have everything within me to overcome suffering. The ability to excel at every challenge that life co-creates as opportunities for me. But, as you probably know, we all struggle through these different levels of awareness and self-love.
I’m sure you have forgiven me, as I have learned to forgive myself.
I want to thank you. Now I feel nothing but gratitude. It spills and spills from every molecule of brilliant love from within my heart, mind, body and soul. I’ll show you my gratitude every day.
I’m grateful that we’re alive at the same time.
I’m grateful for the strength and courage and willingness and faith that you have asked for and pulled up from the root of your being and then leaned on in order to get where you need to be to meet me here.
It’s something we have to do every single day no matter how afraid or caught or confused we are moment to moment. I know how much strength and patience and tenacity and courage it takes to choose love. Thank you for choosing love.
It will get easier. (You may already know this.)
To allow vulnerability when the risks seem greater than possible rewards.
To open your heart when true love seems so far away that you’re convinced it’s a mirage.
To receive abundance, which is often more terrifying than giving it, as your ego screams like an angry toddler.
To hold yourself unconditionally when everything you’ve been taught firmly says, “No, you do not deserve that.”
I know you must be going through this arduous journey filled with tests and turns and troubles. Keep doing what you’re doing. Only you know what’s best for you. I know that you’re doing all you need in order to meet me here.
And I am so grateful.
Because when you get here and we meet, we’re both in for the most beautiful, deep experience of intimate true love that two humans can share.
I know it’s worth the wait because I’ve seen my luminosity when I imagine our lives together. With you, even before we have met here, I am as beautiful as I will ever be.
I can’t stop smiling and dancing and singing. I become the sun.
I know I’ll recognize you as soon as we meet here. Even if my first glimpse of you is of a man combing his hair or snoozing on a bench on his lunch hour waiting for a bus.
And if you recognize me, then we will begin. But if you do not, that’s okay. I’ll wait for you.
After all that I’ve learned and experienced on this challenging journey of livin’ solo in love, I know that I am not meant to fall in love with just anyone.
If you’re riding the waves trying not to gulp water, I send you strength. Keep going!
If you’re looking for me, I’m here.
If you’re on your way, I’m ready.
Author: Jenn McKay
Apprentice Editor: Jaimee Guenther / Editor: Renée Picard
Image: boyarrin at Flickr